Guys, if she asks you:

…“do these pants make my ass look big?”

Do NOT say “No. It’s your ASS that makes your ass look big.”


And never, EVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you’re either positive she is (in which case, why ask?) or you’re positive you want an uninvited knee in you crotch.

Newly married men - as one of your first orders of business, go out and purchase the most comfortable couch/pull-out bed you can afford…

Never answer any questions about your ex-girlfriends honestly.

Any person who spends hours artificially changing thier appearance does NOT want the truth.

Let’s just leave it at that.

Never ask a man a question… just give them choices… want sex? Do the dishes.

And what is the appropriate answer to the question: When will I see you again?

When a) she’s hot, b) she’s a sure thing, and c) she wants to cook you a steak dinner?