Guys Quest For Bathroom Equality

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I get back from the gym and pop into the shower. Seeing that I could use a shave, I reach for my backup, El Cheapo disposable Bic. Without checking, I proceed to run the razor across my face and tear my face to shreds.

Whimpering and moaning, I step out of my minor bloodbath and check the razor. Naturally my dear wife’s blonde hairs are found on this crime scene. I don’t have to go into the mechanics of why men and women do not share shaving implements. (I think Cecil explained this in one of his columns)

My major complaint is that I thought, after four years of wedded bliss to Mrs. Bluepony, I thought we had the bathroom protocol pretty much negotiated. All I possess in our bathroom is one corner of the tub where I keep my plain bar of Ivory soap, one bottle of Johnson’s Baby Shampoo and one backup disposable razor. The rest of the area is devoted to Mrs. Bluepony’s Bath and Body Works Extravaganza with the accompanying cremes, scrubs, face goo, and Baskin-Robbins 31-Flavor scented Olay Coconut Tropical Herbal Jasmine Daquiri hair care products. To make matters worse, she has her own wet/dry 15-speed vacuum-powered triple-rotary head Lady Smoothgams shaver.

Is it too much for me to ask for my little corner of undisturbed bath items? I have brought it up to Mrs. Bluepony over and over again. All I get is a bat of her pretty blue eyes and her Irish smile. Taking that for a “Yes, honey, I totally understand and I will never do that again” I drop the subject. Am I missing something here, or is this part of the endless chess game we play with our significant others? I really love this lady, but I’m starting to lose large amounts of blood with alarming frequency.

“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”

 Warren Zevon
2

Bluepony,

You are a funny writer, for starters. And I understand how you feel. Women seem to claim every INCH in the bathroom. Sure, they have more stuff, but still: we are NOT asking for much space.

She has never used my razor though. Biggest pet peeve is her leaving wet towels lying around on the floor, on the bed, over the (mostly dry) laundry rack. Mind you, she NEVER does this at home - NOOOOOOOO, at home, the wet towel goes STRAIGHT over the heating radiator. But at MY place, the universe has different rules, apparently.

I’ll even ASK her when we leave. “Honey, did you hang your towel over the heater like any sane person would?” - the response is ALWAYS yes. And then, when I get home at night, there is ALWAYS a wet towel on my bed / floor / hardwood table / anywhere but heater.

I suppose I don’t have to tell you what a wrapped up wet towel smells like after 12 hours.

But I still love her, fool that I am…

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
3

Women have such a wonderful concept of sharing… so whats the problem guys, use our bubbles any time :wink:

We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

4

I suppose you guys think you’re entitled to closet space, too. . . .

-Melin

5

Maybe this explains why the toilet seat gets left up?

Revenge is a dish best served cold. It’s very cold in the toilet bowl in the middle of the night.

Bucky

6

Thats why I bought a house with 2 bathrooms, and gave her one. The other is my holy space, that holds less than one drawer on her side. Thats the only solution. Dont share towels either, color code em, and only use your own and she uses hers. Otherwise you get the towel problems mentioned above. Eventually she trained herself to dry or wash new ones and stop throwing them around the house, cause she would run out. Same for razors and foam.

I learned much about how to “raise” a wife, from mom and dad.

(joke intended)

-N

7

My hubby has been taught never to leave the toilet seat up. However, every time he shaves, he leaves hair all over the freakin’ sink and counter! Argh!!

Shadowfox
“We are what we pretend to be.”

  • Kurt Vonnegut
8

shadowfox,

are we married to the same guy?

I’m pink therefore I’m Spam

9

Sometimes it takes a good ole bitch slap.
Just kidding… but worth thinking about.

10

I always wonder if I’m abnormal. My problem is that I like the toilet seat and the cover down, and my fiancee likes to leave the cover up, so I’m constantly dropping the toilet seat after her passage. Am I the only guy that wants the toilet cover down?

Otherwise, different towels and I hide my razor away from the bathtub.

11

Well, Bluepony, I’ve spotted part of your problem. This also applies to Coldfire’s situation, so tell the Great Dane to listen up, too. You say:

and therein lies the rub. You see, while your response was appropriate, it was for the wrong reason. That look does not mean “Yes, honey, I totally understand and I will never do that again”. It means “Drop the subject”.

Here’s a handy dandy guide for interpreting a female:

Her reply - Charming look, batting eyes, demur smile, no words.
What it means - I’ll do as I damn well please. Your choice is to like it or never have sex again. This is not open to negotiation, I hold all the cards. Now, dear, drop the subject.

Her reply - “Yes”, “Yes, dear.”, “I’m sorry, dear”, or “It’ll never happen again, dear”. Any of these or similar answers, in any combination, really mean the same thing.
What it means - I’ll do as I damn well please. Your choice is to like it or never have sex again. This is not open to negotiation, I hold all the cards. Now, dear, drop the subject.

Her reply - “I’ll do as I damn well please. Your choice is to like it or never have sex again. This is not open to negotiation, I hold all the cards. Now, dear, drop the subject.”
What it means - Your wife/SO has been possessed by the spirit of an ancient male warrior, for this is a complete and honest answer. A woman may give a complete answer or an honest answer, but it is against all rules of womanhood to give a complete and honest answer to any male. I’m sure this is a written rule, but as a male I am forbidden to see the book.

It took me 11 years of marriage to figure this out, I hope it helps.

BTW - When we had a house with only 2 bathrooms, I shared one with the kids. I refuse to share a bathroom with my wife. She keeps some really scary stuff in there. I now have a 3 bathroom house and don’t have to share it with anyone. Nirvana!

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

12

Doctor Jackson said:

True. There was a Bloom County cartoon once, where Opus and Bill were going on the ultimate daring expedition - into a woman’s bathroom. It was dark, so they took flashlights. They confronted Moose in a can and something with ‘for maximum protection’ written on the container.

“Protection?”
“Maximum.”
“Maybe they throw these things at muggers.”

13

After reading a thread like this one, how could I be anything but happy that I’m gay?
:cool:
There is something to be said about same-sex relationships. :smiley:

Also I like to keep the toilet lid down, growing up with kittens & puppies teachs you alot.

“If we would have new knowledge,
we must get a world of new questions”

14

Well, I’m female and I’d be pretty disturbed if I found that in my bathroom. Antlers are scary.

15

I never understood the big deal of the whole toilet seat thing, so I asked my girlfriend about it once. “So I won’t fall in if I go in the middle of the night without turning the light on,” she said.

I really couldn’t believe it. Wouldn’t that problem be solved, I asked, if you would just look (or even feel) before you sat down to piss? I mean, if I were to go in the middle of the night without turning the light on, I would be immediately berated for my poor aim. Yet if she were to go in the middle of the night, and fall in because she isn’t paying attention, that’s also my fault. Doesn’t really seem fair, does it?

I henceforth decreed that the toilet seat in my house would remain UP when not in use, in the hope that any and all women who use it will learn to Look Before They Piss.

Dr. J

16

I’d just like to mention that I know a lesbian couple and, every time I go to their apartment, whether I have to go to the bathroom or not, I stroll in and raise the seat. The last thing they’ll expect, heh heh heh…

17

Shame, shame, DoctorJ. The only convenient thing about being female (bathroomwise) is not having to turn the light on in the middle of the night–and you go and ruin it for her.

This thread makes me laugh, because I take about 5 minutes in the bathroom in the morning and have about three kinds of grooming stuff–shampoo, deodorant, and toothpaste. My husband, otoh, can splash around in there for a hour, primping. And, no, I don’t use his razor when I need one.

18

Yeah, I know a woman’s idea of sharing. “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is ours!”

That’s what we do. Of course since I’m the only one who religiously hangs my towel up, then it doesn’t always work. ~sigh

Since my wife wanted the ring down, I usually left it up, and I didn’t think it was fair for me do the work of putting it down again, and her not have to, we decided the best thing to do is to put the lid down after we go. That we we both have to ‘adjust’ the toilet when we’re done. Stupid, I know… but it works.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Boy am I glad my wife’s a nymphomaniac! Don’t get me wrong, she still does as she damn well pleases, but at least that doesn’t mean her holding out on all that is good and evil.

Enright3

19

Shadow: You two wouldn’t happen to actually be my parents would you? LOL. My dad ALWAYS leaves his shaving scum in the bathroom sink after he shaves.

It’s worth the risk of burning, to have a second chance…

20

Reasons for putting the toilet seat lid down when you live in Southern California and have kids:

  1. So the children do not play in the water.

  2. So the children do not toss the cat into the water.

  3. So that things do not fall into the toilet and break when there is an earthquake. (The Northrideg quake cured one guy we know who always left the seat up.)

-Melin