Brief hijack: Two fellows standing on a bridge draining into the river. First one says, “Water’s cold today.” Second one, not to be out done, says, “Yeah, and deep.”
When I worked at a call center I had a good friend who told me that joke. Every time we’d find ourselves at the urinal at the same time, he’d say. “Water’s cold today.” It cracked me up too much to make the correct reply.
[We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread about men holding their penises.]
Conducting the orchestra.
Oops, you meant the hand without the penis…
Turning the pages.
Ditto
One of the most embarrassing thing I ever did was to pee without holding *things *open and thus peeing on myself at work while wearing jeans. :eek: I managed to miss the urinal completely. 
In the morning, bracing against the wall is a must since Sleel Jr. likes to point at the ceiling until I’ve completed the Evacuation Process and I have to bend over at close to a 90 degree angle to be able to point in the right direction without discomfort. (I’ve pointed out in other threads that morning wood and accidentally dipping your dick in the water or bonking the side of the bowl when you’re sitting is proof that toilets are designed for women.) Since I’m usually naked, as I shower right after that, I don’t need the other hand for holding any clothing. If I’m dressed, then holding the elastic of the underwear out of the way.
:dubious: Sure. Telperien’s got the good wholsome girl cooties. The only thing we have to protect us from the evil boy cooties. Clean up those cooties and I’ll think about putting uo on my list.
Holding a beer.
Typing this post.
Tripler
Whoa. . . gotta flush. . . hang on. . .
Holding garments out of the way/using it as a screen against onlookers. Gay man. Why would I care if someone’s staring at my dick? Dunno.
True story:
At a Dead show many moons ago, a buddy and I ended up in side-by-side port-a-potties in a row of eight or ten. In the midst of the festivities, buddy, of course, yells out, “Whooo! The water’s cold!!” So I answered, “And DEEP!”
Some guy we didn’t know in the port-a-pottie next to mine yelled, “And the bottom’s sandy!”
Hard to aim straight when you’re laughing that hard… 
In the urinal? Either you’re shorter than I imagined, or I need to ask for a cite. Preferably in video form.
My right hand is rapidly shutting the stream on and off while my left hand is deftly waving it’s way between spurts just the way my mom taught me.
Whatever you do, dont cross the streams!
As for me, I’m assisting my kegels with the right hand, and looking damn sexy with the other.