Eww, but then I’d have to touch it! Cooties!
Typing this.
Well, you’d have to get much longer fingers so you can wrap a fist around it, but yeah, you’d have to touch it!
Excellent! Now I’m giggling like a very silly person.
- Hailing a taxi cab *
Hmmm, Depends on which hand I happen to be holding with (Gattica was wrong, lol). Sometimes I hold with the right and brace myself on the wall with my left (generally only at home and when I am undressed ). Or I hold with my left and use the right to hold clothing out of the way (this is my preferred method, though I am right handed). Sometimes I hold with the right and use the left to hold the clothing out of the way. I am also very anal about lifting the toilett seat and putting it down again (down again at home, but tend to leave work’s seat up, men only restroom and as far as I know Im the only guy I know who doesnt pee on everything(though if its a unisex restroom I put the seat back down)).
Fry
Thank you Soul . I almost choked on my pbj. 
I was raised to show good manners.
Therefore, I’m usually helping out the guy at the urinal to the left of me.
I am too weak from lack of lunch to be able to make the proper joke.
Damn! I knew I forgot one!
Waving.
Pulling the parachute’s rip cord.
drivin’ me nuts. Arrrrrrr.
Woohoo! I win!
Sure, think that if you want. You’re the one with the cooties.
Says you. You’re the girl. You’ve got the cooties.
I have anticooties. Be jealous.
While that was quite funny, I have to disagree. Skald the Rhymer nearly had me fall out of my chair.
As for me, the other hand is holding the oars.
Here is one alternative:
So ah, how you doing?
Holding my nuts up so they don’t dangle in the toilet/urinal.
Brief hijack: Two fellows standing on a bridge draining into the river. First one says, “Water’s cold today.” Second one, not to be out done, says, “Yeah, and deep.”
When I worked at a call center I had a good friend who told me that joke. Every time we’d find ourselves at the urinal at the same time, he’d say. “Water’s cold today.” It cracked me up too much to make the correct reply.
[We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread about men holding their penises.]