Happy singles:You ever worry about you comfort level with BEING single?

I like being single but that doesn’t mean I don’t like going out on dates. But these days, dates are more of a fun thing to do. I no longer get that heart fluttering euphoric sensation wherein your fill yourself with hope at the possibility of a budding romance. To me, it’s just a fun night out. Good company, good times.
I think the main reason I don’t find myself in a relationship is I have my routines and to be frank, I’m not willing to give up those routines to bring someone new into my life. I admit, this is a selfish trait.

Even though I feel happy, I sometimes wonder if on some level, it’s kind of fucked up that I’m not willing to give up my “routines” in favor of a relationship. Because what are my routines really?

It’s, watching what I want on the TV, always having the best seat in the house to watch said TV, always eating what I want for dinner, taking naps when I want, quiet reading time when I want and if I want to get hammered on a Sunday afternoon while binge watching ST: DS9 in my PJs, well, all that’s okay too.

There’s a small part of me that thinks these are all superficial things and I sometimes wonder if I’m missing out on the human experience.

I’m going to try to not ramble. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, so here’s what I’ve observed:

Being married to someone who is very compatible with you is an amazing experience. The longer you’re together the better it gets. You give up a measure of raw freedom but get a loving companion that you can share interests with. You can share minor burdens that eat up a lot of spare time – stopping by places after/during work to do paperwork and other bureaucratic nonsense, cooking/cleaning/maintenance, etc. While I was married my creativity level was far lower than other points in my life – it was more important to spend time with my wife than it was to create. I had creative hobbies but seldom bothered to immerse myself in them for long.

In short, it was like being comfortably numb. Happy, but just kinda… there.

Being single gives you an unparalleled level of freedom. Any random indulgence that strikes your mind can be accommodated. Any schedule or hobby you wish to entertain is up for grabs. As I explain to my friends: “You have no idea how fulfilling it is to have no one to say ‘no’ in my life.” My creativity level is borderline maddening; I have so much stuff going on I can’t get it all out fast enough. I truly believe I could spend all day writing, painting, and programming and not exhaust my creative energy.

I feel more stressed and anxious being single, and lose a lot of time to chores that I might have delegated to my wife in years past, but it feels like I’m burning from the inside out: I’ve never had so much creativity and time to put it to good use. Plus, the whole damn house is mine… that’s awesome.

I can’t in good conscience give you a definitive answer, but if you do find someone ‘just right’ for you it’s worth taking on. For all the things and freedom I have now, I’d commit unspeakable atrocities to get my wife back, but the universe doesn’t work that way. Gone is gone, and she’s damn well gone.