I am sick* of people who ask me, “How are you doing?” or “What’s new?” when the entirety of my answer seems to have the need to rely on one of two answers - “Still single” or “seeing someone.” The former elicits sympathy and sometimes pity, the latter elicits squeals of happiness. “Oh, I’m so happy for you!”
Listen, dipshit, I am a happy person**. I’m happy being single, when I’m single. I’m happy dating, when I’m dating. I’m happy in a relationship, when I’m in a relationship. I’m not so tied up in our must-be-in-love culture that my happiness or lack thereof is solely dependent upon my relationship status. Many of my single female friends are so utterly fixated on finding a husband that it leaves me worried - are they going to end up like my other single friends that got married out of the sheer overwhelming society-induced need to be married and then ended up divorced? Worse, if they do get married, are they going to maintain a possibly unhappy relationship just because they’ve convinced themselves that they must be in one? Are they truly going to self-fulfill their prophecy of never being happy if they don’t meet “Mr. Right?” And you’d think the gay boys would have transcended this gender stereotyping, but noooo - most of my single gay male friends have bought into it, too. It’s all about finding a man, be it for the night or for a while (they never seem to last). And moving in together after dating for a month? Yeah, let me feign surprise when you’re moving out six months later (if you lasted that long).
Are there exceptions? Of course there are. But I still get this overwhelming feeling from all my friends - gay, straight, male, female, single, married - that one simply cannot be truly happy and fulfilled without being in a relationship, and if you’re single, well, there’s a pity mentality that grates on my every last nerve. “Someday you’ll find happiness… when you meet the right guy.”
If you want to know what’s going on in my life, I’d be happy to tell you - job, friends, weather, trips, parties, community, whatever, and, yes, if I’m dating around or dating one person in particular or not dating at all, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. But every time you ask and I attempt to talk about any of those other things, the only thing you seem to care about is my currrent marital status.
In the meantime, when people ask me what I’m looking for in a relationship, I’m intelligent enough to say, “I’m open to suggestions and open to what life has to offer me.” I don’t go out on one date with a guy and decide, over dessert, whether or not he’s The One. I watch my friends meet someone, call me with, “I met the most wonderful guy in the whole wide world!”, and then a week later greet me with, “Oh, he’s history - all men are scum.” And guess what? A week later, repeat the same. Over and over and over again. This nauseating romantic ideal you’ve created for yourself doesn’t exist, and trying to measure every guy you meet against it is going to continue to disappoint you. I’d rather be single and face reality and be happy with it than keep putting myself through a bunch of irresponsible bullshit that only hurts myself and the people I date. (I have no doubt these guys walk away going, “All of a sudden he just stopped talking to me - I have no idea why…”)
And when I tell people I’m dating around, I get, “Gosh, you sure do date a lot, don’t you?” (The implication is that I’m a slut, but that’s for another rant.) Well, duh - isn’t that the point of dating? You meet someone, you go out on a date with them, and then, afterwards, you decide if you want to spend more time with them. Eventually you decide if that is someone you’d like to spend all of your free time with. It’s called a natural progression. Why are you trying to force something that may not ever be there? Yes, I met someone here recently, and we’ve been out a grand total of four times. And now everyone’s referring to him as my boyfriend. WTF? I like him, I want to go out with him again, and he feels the same way. This is good. Why the hell is it so important that we make some kind of pre-nuptual agreement? Dr. Boyfriend and I were perfect together in this respect - we met, we dated a few times, and, over time, kept dating until, finally, I just realized I didn’t want to see anyone else - at that point, I considered us boyfriends. It took a few months, mind you, but it was a natural progression of the relationship.
I refuse to set myself up for a fall by pre-determining what does and does not constitute a relationship and what will or will not make me happy.
ARGH!
OK. That’s it. 
Esprix
[sub]*… and tired!
**This may not be evident based on the folklore surrounding my skillful usage of a flamethrower here in The Pit, but those who’ve met me IRL know better. RIGHT? Yeah, I thought so…
DISCLAIMER: Not all women or gay men are hung up on being in a relationship, but for the purposes of this rant, I have found it to be, in my own personal life, the majority of the people with whom I have had contact, and no disrespect is meant to anyone who might not be of this particular mindset, gay or straight, male or female, single or not single. There are many people who are in happy, healthy, meaningful and loving relationships who found each other while searching for love - I so acknowledge them and give them all my positive thoughts. There are many people who truly and only feel happy if they are in a relationship and are neither brainwashed by society nor somehow in need of mental health care - I so acknowledge them and give them all my positive thoughts. No animals were harmed in this rant. Meets ADA standards. All rights reserved. Amen.[/sub]
