Preach it brotha!
I’d add my complaints but my little sister reads this forum :eek:
Esprix, darling, how I hear you.
In the conversation that included the pig comment (already mentioned in a thread near you), my mother asked if there were any men in my church.
And that was subtle, for her.
I’m often tempted to tell her that UUs require a vow of celibacy, just to watch her reaction.
We need to get together at DL and have a kvetchfest, it sounds like. 
Or, alternately, you could tell people you’ve met the right girl (big, huge 
and ;)) and I’ll tell people I’ve met the right guy, and we can use each other’s pictures.
Should get folks off our backs, if nothing else. And we never said what the other was right for…
The shoe can end up on the other foot, though… for years, my mom would pester me about when I was going to settle down. I’d date the same girl twice and she’d be asking me how serious it was. If I was seeing a girl for three months, she’d start asking about wedding plans.
Well, she absolutely loves my wife - as do I, of course. 
And everytime she says something about how lucky I am, I remind her how lucky it was that I didn’t listen to her, and kept on lookng until I found the one that was really right for me.
Heh heh heh…nothing like a good-natured dig…
- Rick
A few choice responses:
I’ll quit bitching when everyone else keeps trying to measure my happiness by my marital status. Sounds fair to me…
Bossk, are you still here? :rolleyes:
SPOOFE and Ayesha, sittin’ in a tree - watch-ing a So-ny T-V…
Oy, thank goodness I have two older sisters who have taken care of this for me already, and my father’s not big on “continuing the family name.”
I suppose in a way me being gay has alleviated some of this kind of pressure from my family. On the one hand, my mother was rather upset when I dumped Dr. Boyfriend to move to California since he was a doctor ;), but on the other hand, there are things they really don’t want to think about.
We could solve both our problems if you were here and we had sex, no?
Jealous bastards (and I don’t think you’re too far from the truth, actually)! {snuggles with my Canadian Love Machine}
I didn’t say I didn’t want to talk about relationships - on the contrary, especially since one may very well end up being an important part of my life. I just think there are too many people who place an extreme importance upon them that isn’t warranted. It ought to be one aspect of my life, not the sole focus, n’est-ce pas?
I’ll have to agree with MGibson on this one - save what you can, but let’s not be ridiculous about it.
How correct you are. And your point is? 
Oh, so true, so true. Setting yourself up for a fall, indeed.
Indeed. Your work is amazing, and, if that’s the focus of your life right now, it ought to be celebrated! I’m glad people in your life have realized that. (Either that, or they all think you’re a dyke! )
{slaps Gary with a large trout - SMEK!}
Oy. On the one hand, I see their point (I didn’t know squat about relationships when I was 18, but then, you’re not me), but on the other hand, if you really feel you’re on the right track, then you should be supported. So what if it doesn’t work out? At least you had a (presumably) happy six months. Go for it!
But is your relationship a happy one? Do you love him? That’s what matters. And I’m not going to deny that having someone there for you isn’t a great thing, but, as you say, it really can’t replace self-love.
And thankfully you’re mature and reasonable enough not to inflict what works for you onto those for whom it doesn’t. You rock.
Oh, thank you for pointing out another thing that bugs me related to the OP - “Well, you say you’re happy being single, but we all know you’re really not.” WTF? If I can’t be happy being by myself, how am I supposed to be happy with someone else? I don’t get how people don’t fucking get this. (Not that you don’t, obviously, but the remark really is indicative of some of the attitudes I get sometimes.)
Exactly - sure, it’s something I’m happy about, but I’m equally as happy travelling, seeing friends, etc. When I announce I’m getting married - then you may squeal with delight (and I fully expect you to, too). That’s a biggie.
Well, no, the whole gay thing isn’t really the issue I’m talking about, but I appreciate the gesture nonetheless. (As my friend Carl once said, “I’m so far out of the closet, I’m in the front yard!”)
God, this I don’t get, either. “You’ve been dating for a month? Wow - when are you moving in together?” Excuse me? I don’t plan on making a home with someone until we’ve both decided it’s for good - I consider that to be a huge step in a relationship, and not one to take lightly. Hell, jkusters and thomasm might have to accept a fourth housemate living in my room if I ever decide to settle down…
Esprix
I have a friend who was always so susceptible to this phenomenon that after his latest breakup I would always ask him, “So, are you seeing anyone?” The difference between Esprix’s friends and me is that I was fervently hoping the answer would finally be, “No.”
As my father (three divorces) always used to say, “Of course I believe in marriage! That’s why I keep on doing it.”
I’d beg to differ, but I’d probably be rebutted with the more than typical “you’re not experienced enough to know”.
And, for the record, I disagree.
Cool - I normally have to pay good money for my weekly trout slapping.
Wordplay. That’s all. When I originally pressed “reply”, matt’s was the last reply - in which he finished with
At the time (and you have to remember that I’d spent the last hour staring at itty bitty numbers), I thought it would be funny to add a pun. But Scylla got in between matt and I and the timing was lost.
On other matters - I think that Civil Defense may have a point. Sometimes people do click straight away. It’s not outside the realms of possibility that in this case they would both know pretty quickly that they had found “The One”.
But more to the point - some people are simply more idealistic than others about what “The One” means. If you’re pragmatic enough to think that “The One” ought to be “The One Million” then I’d have thought that you would be more inclined to settle down sooner rather than later.
pan
Oh, I’m not denying this happens, but when you walk into a relationship and that is your sole purpose and/or litmus test, well, 99.99999999999999999999% of the time, you are going to be dead wrong. Setting yourself up with some romanticized ideal of “The One” that doesn’t exist (for, really, “The One” for you is probably nothing like what you envision they’ll be) is setting yourself up for failure.
And I have no idea what you mean by this.
Esprix
I just mean that some people set “higher” standards than others as to what “The One” would constitute. One extreme would be people who want their partner to be perfect - meshing with them on every preference, never forgetting important dates, always noticing the little things. The other extreme would be someone who just wants someone to notice them.
Most of us are, of course, in the middle. We want someone we can talk to, are comfortable with, respect as a person etc. We have priorities in a propsective partner. And for some of us the bar is higher than others.
It’s not a matter of “settling” for someone - it’s just a matter of finding the partner that meets all of your criteria more easily.
Someone who follows this pattern is bound to be more ready to declare themselves happy with their choice earlier than an individual with more particular criteria.
I’m trying to couch all this in non-emotive language. I personally don’t think that either approach is “better” - it is all a matter of what works for you on the pragmatism-idealism scale.
pan
Do you wish to expand upon your areas of difference Sam? Or do you just generally disagree with everything that I have ever said?
Well said, Esprix, very well said.
I was once chatting with a female friend (not to be confused with a “girlfriend”) and I said:
“You know, if you think about, every relationship, date, whatever, is destined to go one of two ways:
[li]you’ll break up/stop seeing each other (though you could remain friends), or[/li][li]you’ll get married/become life-partners.[/li]It’s really just that simple.”
Now, granted, this is nothing Earth-shattering, but you’d be amazed the reaction you get. People just don’t look at relationships as testing grounds for what they are looking for, as primers or samplers. It seems people look at each one as “the one” that just didn’t work out for some reason. :rolleyes:
Why is it that (some) people have such a hard time realizing that dating can be fun, simple and not the end-all-be-all? It doesn’t have to be the pillar that you build your life around, that every facet of your existence is dependant upon? It’s not like we’re talking about waist deep powder and thousands of feet of vertical or something…
Esprix: A fourth roommate? Didn’t we just get rid of a fourth? Please take your time, dear, I’m pretty happy with just the three (+dog) of us.
You know, diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks, and the more we all accept that (parents especially :)) the happier we all will be.
Esprix knows I have given him a lot of flack IRL regarding his many dates, and I may have, from time to time, wondered out loud when he was going to “settle down.” I hearby retract the “settle down” comments. I think that Esprix is very much enjoying being single, and if I were honest, I can’t help but be a bit jealous. There never was a time in my life when I was as “single” as Esprix has been ever since I’ve known him, and dammit I wish I had been!
[random ramble]
One of the more amusing trends I’ve seen in the gay community, or at least the segment of the community that Esprix dates and then bitches about, is the tendency to have one date and then expect lifelong committment. After one date, you’re not “boyfriends”, you’re two people who have had one date. Give it a few more tries, and with substantial variety in the type of dates, before you use the “boyfriend” label.
[/random ramble]
JOhn.
PS Of course the real problem with Esprix not having a steady is trying to keep all of the people he dates/has dates distinct in my memory. The fact that we see them so infrequently and that they all have a strong similarity in physical appearance makes it all the more confusing. I’ve changed my mind. Esprix, isn’t it about time you settled down?!?
If I settle down, how on earth will I pay my rent*?
Esprix
[sub]*“Rent” consisting of Heath bars and lurid, ribald tales of the chew toy I played with the night before.[/sub]
The famous Eric D Snyder of Provo, Utah wrote about this sort of thing. I figured I’d quote it too you, because I found it slightly amusing:
Dear Eric: Do you believe that there’s one person, “The Person,” out there for everyone? – Wondering out West
Dear WOW: Yes. Your person is named Ming Chi. She was born in Beijing in 1656 and died of malaria 19 years later. Sorry.
And now, to get ON TOPIC! YAY!: Esprix is a nice guy. I vouch for him.
Okay, now this story I want to hear.
[sup]and JFTR, the domme in me has a completely different image of this than what probably happened…[/sup]
What kind of dog is it?
I’m in much the same boat, Esprix. I hate it when my family or friends think there’s obviously something wrong with me and I need “fixing”. Fix this, people. The trouble is, most of the married people I know are unhappy, at least most of the time. There’s not one marriage I’ve witnessed that I’d want to be a part of.
Live your life the way you want, Esprix. Be happy, even if that means you’re not in a long-term relationship. Life’s too short to waste time listening to others tell you how to live.
Um, ok - there’s a 180° I wasn’t expecting, but thanks.
I can’t give away all my secrets, dear.
She’s mostly German Shepard.
Esprix
Esprix:
Well, you can’t expect me to hold a grudge. I’m just to sweet.
Besides, you handled yourself with enough class to win my “GOOD GUY” award of excellence.
So, keep up the good work.
Well, it’s quite simple, really. The primary ingredient of rent is Heath bars. Cases of them. At the first of each month, the truck pulls up in the driveway and the forklift carries them into our garage. There, Esprix has the task of carefully storing the cases on the appropriate shelves, rotating the stock to keep proper freshness. Then, each night when thomasm and I come home (usually at different times), Esprix has been trained to wait patiently while we examine the house for any messes. If he’s been a good boy while we’ve been gone, he gets to run to the garage and fetch Heath bars for each of us. It is by this service that we allow him to rent that cupboard off the upstairs bathroom that he calls a bed room.
And about the chew toys, well, that’s not technically part of rent, that just makes Esprix happy, and it helps him feel like a valued member of the household. He does have so many chew toys, and he really does enjoy playing with them at night. Sometimes, I worry that he’s going to wear the chew toys out with how vigorously he plays with them, but so far he’s not settled down with any one chew toy long enough to do permanent damage. He does get a great joy out of telling us just which chew toy he has recently played with, what he did with the toy, and whether or not he plans to play with it again soon. Unfortunately, since he does have so many (as I mentioned), it’s too hard for thomasm and I to keep track, so we just smile, and nod knowingly. It keeps Esprix happy that we seem to have an interest in the chew toys we play with, and I figure it keeps us from having unsightly “accidents” in the middle of the rug waiting for us when we get home.
**
Our puppy-princess (though in dog years she’s practically and old lady at 8 years old) is a German Shepherd mix. We’re pretty sure there’s some Husky in there, and at times we suspect Coyote or Wolf as well (though in small amounts). She’s very smart, has us trained well, horribly spoiled, and is the most wonderful dog in the world.
JOhn.