Every morning I go out training the ArmadilloPup and we take a long walk. I nearly always make it a point to take him past the local middle school in the morning, where there are always swarms of kids who love him to serve as training distractions. Yesterday, there was a group of maybe five or six boys and one girl–maybe fourteenish or fifteen hanging out at the church across the street, skateboarding and generally being teenagers hanging out waiting for school to start. As we approached, I could hear them talking about Simon, stuff like “Hey, he looks just like the dog in _______! (<-insert any movie or pop culture reference involving a white, shorthaired dog with a black eye patch)” Which, as you can tell, we get a lot. The closer we got, the meaner the chatter got, starting with “Oh, she thinks she’s such a badass with a dog like that…” :rolleyes: but easily ignorable. Then they started to get nasty, yelling really, really foul stuff directed at me. I mean, foul.
At first I didn’t know how to react. I ignored them and went on working my dog, finished working and released him for the casual walk (I mean, released him from “working mode” to “casual walking mode” not released him from the leash) and all the while they were shouting this nasty stuff directed at me. It continued as we went on until they were out of ear shot.
Now, how should I have responded? At the time I considered verbally tearing them new ones, but I kept thinking I’m the adult here so why should they even register on my “stuff to care about” radar?
I was tortured as a kid by my peer group and older kids, and that same sick feeling of helpless, “why are they doing this to me?” has been with me ever since yesterday morning, like I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. As a bit of background, I’ve been sexually assaulted as well, and thought I’d worked so long and hard to gain a bit of the ability to stop letting people do whatever the fuck they want to me–but as I learned yesterday, that’s not really true.
So, how should I have responded? I’ve had verbal responses running through my brain all night, but isn’t that every bit as juvenile? My dog is big and mean-looking, but I refuse to use him as a weapon, in appearance or otherwise. A friend suggested I should have called the police, but isn’t that a bit like calling in your mama to fight the bully? I feel as though by not responding in any way, they learned they could do whatever they want to women with zero consequences.
What are your thoughts?
When my daughter was being harassed on her way home from school, we called the police - but the bully had crossed the line from yelling things from across the street to something close to assault.
You could complain to the church that teenagers are hanging out in their parking lot, harassing passers-by and other inappropriate activity.
You could vary your route. Give the punks a couple of days to turn their short attention spans to something else.
Or you could train ArmadilloPup in the command “Protect!”
Do you have a big friend you can take with you next time. That way their pack instinct would be diminished? How about asking a policeman to accompany you on a walk past them…
Do not, under any circumstances, let the dog feel you are fearful or afraid and do not let them direct anything towards the dog such as jumping toward him or tease him directly. He will react and that will be not a good thing since the kids won’t end up paying, the dog will.
Call the church to complain or, find out who the parents are and call them.
I don’t know WHY kids in packs do that sort of thing, but they do, and you can see the mob mentality take effect. They start casually, then they don’t get the reaction they were looking for, so things escalate as they try to out do one another. The thing that amazes me is that you can HEAR their voices and tones get almost panicky, they get more shrill as the commentary gets more vicious.
I’m very small, and I have a great big dog myself, and I’ve had similar things happen to me. I was bullied in school too, so my gut reactions are very like yours. The only thing I’ve found that works is mild confrontation - when they start commenting on the dog, I ask them if they’d like to meet her. Sometimes, they do and the whole situation is quickly defused. Sometimes they don’t, and they do what your little wannabe gangsters did, and escalate the commentary. If that happens, I will either say, “Oh, grow up. You’re not impressing anyone but yourselves” or “I BEG your pardon??” (while fixing them with my patented Steely-Eyed Stare.)
Talk to them. Totally ignore the offensive intent, and respond as if they’re offering constructive criticism. Agree with them. Ask them for advice. Pay attention to them, take them seriously, and otherwise make all people invoved realise we’re all humans. Be earnest, but not patronizing.
I don’t know why it works. Maybe bullies feel like they’ve lost their mojo and their A-line stuff is having no effect. Maybe it brings home that they’ve been saying cruel things to a real person… whom they know nothing about. Either way, for me, it tended to bring harrassment to a pretty quick stop. It’s just no fun to taunt someone who doesn’t respond the right way.
The idea is to make them uncomfortable doing what they’re doing without escalating the interaction.
YMMV, I don’t know how evil and scary these teenagers happened to be, or how evil and scary you happen to be.
Lord Ashtar,
“You know what’s great about being a teenager? You get tried as a minor after getting in a gunfight in the street with some jackass who shouldn’t have been issued a concealed carry permit.”
Or told him i could ram his head up the dog’s ass so he could watch from the inside, or 8 million other things.
The reality is, there’s 6 or 7 or 8 of them and collectively they could put a beat down on me and my dogs. The point is, that you’re pretty much powerless in such a situation.
But, the GRANDER point is. . .so what.
So a couple posters thinks it takes them back to when they got picked on. Boo hoo. Get over it. I got picked on too. Everybody got bullied.
There’s just some times when you need to think, “OK, you win. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, you’re a friggin’ loser, but you win.”
High school kids show off for each and their girlfriends. They did it before me. I did it. And they all do it now.
I don’t really think **1010011010 ** was trying to interject a debate on CCP. I think 1010011010 was referring to the fact that making threats you can in no way follow through on to a bunch of teenagers is a losing proposition. They’ll always have a come-back, and you’ll be left with no retort. They know what you are allowed to do, and what you’re not - that’s what they’re counting on.
Really now. They’re are many varying degrees of getting tormented by other children. Some get put downs once a month, some get it every day. Some kids get their asses kicked for no reason other then the mob mentatility of other fuckwit children. Some kids even get property damage at their home because of it, many times a year.
“Get over it”, doesn’t work here. As a child, being social is one of the most critical things you can do in your life. What you learn here will transfer into your adult life. And when it gets hampered by other children, for all of your young life, it’s gonna fuck with you in your adult life.
Everyone got bullied? Please. Getting called a dork a few times a year isn’t being bullied, it’s almost a praise.
Generalization. I never did this. And if I ever catch my kid doing this to someone, she’s going to learn what it feels like. Having this sort of thing done to you tends to teach one compassion, or at least gives one the perception to question this “crowd mentality”.
I dont know if there is a proper response really. You can’t get violent and if you fight back you do what they wanted you to do. They probably want to get under your skin and get a rise out of making adults uncomfortable, some kind of laughing it off method to show you don’t mind may work. But who knows really.
Maybe the kids were initially trying to be nice and start a conversation asking the dog’s name?
If you chose to ignore them and kept on walking then maybe they felt you were being “snobby” or “aloof” and they started their verbal attacks?
Just like to point out that it’s not just teenagers who engage in this mob-mentality bullshit. I was cutting through a park once to get to my car from my office and passed by a group of about 5 or 6 guys, probably early to mid-twenties. I’m 27, myself. I was on my cell-phone and got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when I approached them, but walked past anyway. The “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??!!!” started up right away. I was pissed off because I was on a frickin’ business call and could barely hear the person on the other line thanks to their oh-so-mature screaming. It went from amusing to taunting in about 10 seconds. I made the mistake of flipping them off when I was almost out of the park and the screaming turned to profanities and I could’ve sworn I heard them getting up (they had been sitting at a table) and approaching me (not sure since I didn’t turn around).
Almost started running since I was freaking my shit at that point, but I didn’t want to egg them on (yeah, told myself how stupid flipping them off was a few hundred times after that) I was scared shitless. There were about 5 or 6 of them and one of me. In a park with no one else around.
So yeah, I’d suggest not engaging them at all, just ignore them. And go out of your way to avoid any situations where it’s just you and them with no one else around.
