Has my mate fallen out with me?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So I’ve sent him an ICQ message about 2 days ago asking a innocuous question about a mate’s e-mail address.
No reply.

I e-mailed him this morning: “Are you there? Please respond.”
Nothing, yet.

I called his mobile and it was engaged and then switched off.
I’ve lost his landline (he moved 3 weeks ago).

My stomach feels like it’s in my throat with anxiety - see he had this row with his girlfriend while we stayed over at his place.
They were yelling upstairs until way past 5am.

She talks lots when she’s drunk, at anyone, anything. Spent the evening talking at us, playing 70’s tunes to us and telling us about bands we’d never heard of.
I was very, very bored. At some point in the evening I was upstairs with him while my partner was downstairs listening to his girlfriend. I said I was bored, that I’d rather be just watching his DVD’s and playing network UT or something on his PCs - bloke stuff. He shrugged it and agreed, said she gets like that when she’s drunk.

ANYWAY: I didn’t hear all of the argument but I think it was him telling her that she’d hogged the whole evening and bored everyone (himself included) stupid. She accused him of being rude to her and ignoring her all evening, pretending to be macho and deliberatly awkward…

THE NEXT MORNING:
We pretend nothing’s happened for a little while - being mostly English. But he is still asleep and she talks to R— my wife, saying he scared her, never seen him act like that before etc.

Then she reckoned he was being nasty because I am always doing what my missus wants - that he felt he had to ‘show me the other way’.

Which is utter nonesense.

He’s known us (me and R) for years and years longer than he’s know her (6 months) - why would he choose now to vent this apparent emotion, she hurt my wife a lot with that and peeved me but she was tearful when she said this so we ignored it then and argued about it later…

Now he’s not replying to my usual methods of contact. We’re normally in regular contact so this is strange.

Do you think the ‘I’m bored’ comment has stewed in his mind and rubbed against his feelings for the girl and he’s annoyed that I told him his girlfriend was boring?
:frowning:

2

Sorry. Ignore it if you have less than 3 minutes.

3

(This probably belongs in IMHO).

If I were you, I’d just use this as an opportunity to take a bit of breathing space. Sounds like your mate needs to clear his head and settle issues with his wife. IMO it would be best if you and your wife didn’t get caught up in their domestic problems.

I’m not quite sure why you’re so panic-worried - do you think he might have had an accident or something? If he’s just not contacting you for his own reasons he’s doing it in a rude way, so you’re best off letting him stew.

4

I agree that this should be in IMHO.

I suppose I feel anxious because he is my bestest friend and R— recently fell out with her great mate of 10 years or so and I don’t want to feel I’ve lost someone - we’ve never fallen out in 8 years (+ we lived together for 5).

5

Very dysfunctional. Since you put this in GQ, I’m going to give you the closest you can get to a factual answer, the dreaded WWWW (what would Waverly do?)

I normally wait at least a week after emailing before wondering if anything is wrong. People get busy. People get distracted. Smothering someone with your insecurities is not going to help.

If you think hopping on the computer (while admittedly an enjoyable distraction) to play UT is any more or less socially inept in a group setting of mixed company than 70’s band trivia, think again. The whole lot of you need an infusion of some good old fashioned fun. Next time suggest an orgy or plan a bank robbery. Something. Anything.

Lastly, I’ve never been shy about telling a close friend that his or her SO is not up to their standards. Doesn’t work for everyone, but something to consider.

6

It does sound like you have been dragged into the argument for use as a weapon (“Even Flapcats thinks you’re boring”).

It’s not really a bloke thing to do, but If I found myself in that situation, I would probably try something like dropping round and leaving them a bottle of wine (or whatever they might like) and a note to the effect 'Really sorry - I feel like I sparked an argument the other night - are you guys OK? - please call me!" and leave it at that for at least a few days.

7

doh! make that WWWD

8

You got it, Ace.