Pretty simple question. Have you been in love with a person that you’re with at the time, and still want to date another person? To me being in love precludes wanting another person, what about you?
Yes. Humans are not monogamous–what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. However, unless the person you’re in love with is a polygamist or open relationship kind, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
You misunderstood me. I’m not currently in a situation where this would matter, and the last time I was, I didn’t want anybody else. As to humans not being monogamous… you think that applies to love, or just sex?
I’m far enough in love at the moment that I barely even manage to notice other men at all. Very rarely, a good-looking man will cross my path and I’ll think “Hm, he’s cute”, and then I’ll start thinking about how much cuter my man is and I’ll get lost in thoughts of him.
I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I have the best there is, why in the world would I want to try dating someone else?
I am happily married, but I get crushes a LOT–probably one a year or so. They aren’t particularly sexual, beyond the fact that there is sort of more . . .energy . . . floating around when I am in the midst of one. I just really, really like people and they often facinate and amaze me, and sometimes a particular person is particularly facinating for a while,and I enjoy spending time with them, though, again, it’s not really sexual (my crushes have totally spanned the spectrum of ages, genders, and spectrums, for one thing). That emotion doesn’t have anything to do with the emotion I feelfor my husband, which is deep and lasting and meaningful. But I do enjoy the crushes.
Happens to me all the time. Sometimes I’ve acted on it, most times not.
Dude, where’s my smiley?
Have a romantic relationship that’s beyond just physical.
Most of the married people I know (including myself and my husband) have had crushes at one time or another. Sometimes they can get quite intense and you actually need to decide whether or not it will go any futher past friendship.
I love my husband and have no desire to be with anyone else, but these feelings can be complicated, especially when your at home situation is going through a rough patch.
I have never acted on any crush and I can say the more times I get tempted and pass it up, the closer I actually feel to my husband, almost like it reminds me that I am with him by choice, and it’s a good choice. Sometimes the crush/flirtation is a good thing too, it reminds you that you are attractive to other people and can give you a little rush.
I don’t know if that answers your question very well or not.
Absolutely. There was a girl at a haircut place that really came on strong. I was so tempted but did the right thing and walked away. I still think about her alot, she was pretty incredible.
Well…I’ve been very happily married for 13½ yrs. I have had a couple of “secondary” relationships in those years. Both of which Suburban Plankton was not only aware of, but did not object to.
The main one lasted nearly 3 years. We didn’t sleep together, but there was a certain amount of fooling around. The relationship was also deeply emotional. It started out as a work friendship and developed from their. If we had both been single (neither of us were) we may well have ended up together in a more traditional relationship.
It was always secondary to my marriage, in exactly the same way your relationship with your best friend is. I never wanted more from the relationship than we had and my love for my husband never diminished during that time.
How and why? I don’t know. It’s just they way it was.
First time I was seriously in love, I was quite young (and so was she) and we were living on opposite sites of the North American continent. I assumed she would want to be with me again and that it would be great when we did, but I also assumed that of course she would have other boyfriends.
And yes I’ve wanted the same freedom for myself, generically and on principle.
Mostly when I’m in love I’m oblivious to other people in that respect, but I’d be annoyed as hell if someone acted like they were entitled to have me not be with other people. It’s a promise I never make and never accept from anyone else. Romantic passion isn’t like that, neither in the rich and fervent emotional sense nor in the raw sense of immediate sexual lust. Attempts to control it and harness it to duty just kill it outright and then it doesn’t exist anywhere.
Wow, freaky – just a few days ago I was a breath away from posting an OP about how I’ve been in a relationship for eight years but I’m recently infatuated with someone else (and it’s mutual). Wrote a lengthy, detailed, soul-baring OP but fortunately had the sense to save it in Word for a few days to mull over whether I wanted to actually post it or not. I just deleted it today.
Leaving my partner for this other guy was never on the table, but the point is it is entirely possible to develop feelings for another person no matter how much you love your chosen mate. And you know what? That’s okay. Sometimes you’re going to be drawn to something new and exciting. It’s unrealistic and unfair to your partner to expect him to be everything to you and to embody every quality that you value or find attractive. There’s nothing wrong with making a connection with another human being. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, so that helps me keep it in perspective, and even enjoy it a little. It’s kinda bittersweet, actually, but I know it will pass and I’ll still be with the right person.
Setting aside the fact that I don’t do anything that I would consider “dating”, I’ve been poly my entire adult life, and for the overwhelming majority of that time have had two primary (serious, committed, on-the-way-to-settling-down-type) partners.
I don’t expect that I will have a serious attraction at a point at which I have two partnerships (I never have), but even if I did, I just don’t have the time.