And once again there’s a thread about relationships. Mucky things, those. I tried to search if this particular subject has been brought up before, but apparently guests are deemed unqualified to handle the search engine.
I’ve never been in love. Right now, I’m 21 years old and I’ve never had anything as much as a puppy-dog infatuation with the girl next door, my biology teacher, the local firemen brigade or any kind of farmyard animal*.
I’ve had a serious relationship before with one of my female friends which was quite serious. She was hopelessly in love with me, and I simply thought she was great to hang around with. I told her this (I think you’re great but I’m not in love) which resulted in bucketloads of angst. For different reasons that relationship ended a year later. (We had fun in the mean time, though)
Now, I’m kind of a hopeless romantic. I have this idea in my head that a relationship should not only be based on friendship, understanding, mutual interest and attraction (plus a whole lot of other things) but also pure, undying love**. Whatever that is.
I’d love go get into that whole dating thing, and there are (at least) two people who I’d be interested in pursuing as they’ve both got wonderful and interesting personalities. Thing is: I’m not in love with either of them. Dating would be an option, but hooking up? Nope. Based on their personalities and interests I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with either one, but for some reason it doesn’t seem right to me to do this without being in love. It feels wrong and deceitful to me.
Why? Well, I’m kind of afraid that if I do successfully hook up with either of them and things work out, I’ll be married and 20 years later I’ll fall in love with my secretary / neighbour / car salesperson, and this development will thoroughly wreck my (theoretical) marriage.
As this is the Dope, I figure someone here has been there, done that and received a shiny Tshirt because of it. I hope I’ve been clear enough, and that someone will come along shortly to offer some advice, their own experiences or a good solid kick in the rear. I can use all three.
*sorry to beat dead sheep, Hal.
**personally, I blame The Princess Bride.
Eventually, my (not yet) husband settled me down, talked long hours with me, and just had a lot of fun with me. He invited me to his place for Christmas a couple of years ago, and presented me with an engagement ring. I wasn’t quite ready for that. I needed to think, and so I stuck around a little longer, to see how I really felt. He gave me space, even though I was staying at his place; he let me be alone. I came to the realisation that I was indeed in love with this man, but it felt different than what I had always called “love” before. It went deeper, it was stronger. It had roots. There was a deep trust, and no jealousy. It was bigger than what I was used to and scared me a little bit. But that February, we got married. Today, I’m madly in love with this man, in a way that doesn’t feel at all as precarious as infatuation. Oh, and the sex is great. 