I have known this guy for a little over a year now, and we have been dating for about four months or so. I have never cared so much about someone before. However, i have a very different view about love than most high school girls my age. I really don’t believe in that whole romantic fairytale stuff. The relationships that i have seen, when you love the person, you end up getting hurt. So, I am extreamly afraid of being hurt. But i don’t know if I exactly really love this guy, or its just some stupid high school relationship. Since i have never been in a relationship before, i don’t know if i’m really in love or not? I was just wondering if anyone had any advice?
Some good, some bad, some indifferent. That said, what exactly are you asking for advice about? How to tell if you’re in love, or about relationships, or love in general, or all of the above?
All I need to know I learned at the movies
from The Matrix:.
“Being the one is like being in love. It’s not something anyone can tell you, you just know. Balls to bones.”
Pointless, love isn’t easy. It takes time. And while I have no doubts that you feel very strongly for this guy, four months to a year just isn’t enough time in my opinion. What I asked myself before marrying Mrs.darian was “Can I see myself with her in five years? How about ten? Fifteen?” If you can’t answer yes, think twice. Of course, the simple fact that you ask this question tells me probably not. All the same, keep your eyes open, listen to your head and your heart, and you should do fine. Good luck!
You want advice?
No. You don’t.
I’ll give it to you anyway.
Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter how much you love. If it’s not coming back at you fully, it was never real.
Yours in agony,
MH
I’m going to tell you something very important…buy it, own it, use it, make it a part of your life:
- ** It Is not possible to avoid pain. Therefore you must not let an attempt to do what is not possible dictate how you conduct your life. ** *
Got it? Good.
ALL relationships hurt. ALL of them. One way or another, pain will be the end result of loving.
Now, understand this:
** * This is not a big deal or something to be bummed about. It’s just a fact. * **
Why do I say this? Because it’s true. They will leave you. You will leave them. You will die. They will die. There is no way to avoid it, no point in trying. Too many people have ended up with small, contracted, bland lives because they were afraid of pain. BAH!
Once you know and accept this, you can pursue the thing which makes this bearable: great love. Love, love, love. Love with all you’re made of. Give yourself over to it, embrace it, delight in it, let it wash over you. Never be afraid., it’s all good. You are so young, you have a lot of love ahead of you…don’t blow it by being scared of the pain, or you will deny yourself the greatest thing there is about being alive. And there is no pain so great or unendurable that it isn’t worth the love that gives birth to it. Pain can only be great if the love is great. Embrace the pain as what it is: part of the exquisite experience of being alive and able to love.
And that’s the best advice I have.
stoid
"Never say your love is wasted.
Love is only for giving
And something that cannot be taken.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, schneitt, schneitt, schneitt."
[sub]110 points and my eternal respect for anybody who can place that reference[/sub]
[Edited by Eutychus55 on 08-04-2001 at 09:45 AM]
Stoid,
Thank you. That really is superb advice,
What Stoid said.
Jim
Pointless67, ask 8000 users here what “love” is & youll get 8000 answers.
When you find it, you’ll know. No one can find it for you.
Frankly, I think that it should transcend sex; but you decide for yourself.
Here is someone’s perception of the feeling.
Of course you can always tell her…
It gets 'em everytime. 
Simple advice that works in almost every situation:
No risk, no reward - There is a difference between taking a risk and being stupid however, I’d love to tell you whether yours is risk or stupidity, but each situation is different. Only you know which category yours is in.
Kind words your way MH/ZP
Abby
As a teen, I asked myself the same question. I think it is a normal question the first few times you love someone a lot. My mom’s response was less helpful than Stoid’s. She just said ‘you’ll KNOW.’ She was right, but while that answered the question I asked, it didn’t tell me what I needed to know.
Stoid is on to the Truth, here.
To back it up with a little ramble through my experience (I was a slow learner…):
I’ve loved and felt like an idiot after it ended.
I’ve loved and hurt like crazy when they left. (several times)
I’ve loved and felt utter releif when I ended it. (also more than once)
I’ve loved and wondered if I could possibly have been stupider about who I chose to fall for.
I’ve loved and been pretty sure this was THE ONE (only to find that I was wrong).
I’ve loved and been so stunned by the depth of the emotion (not just the strength of it) that I was sure this was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (and been right).
I never believed in the fairy tale stuff, either - ‘true’ love, one person out there who is ‘meant’ for me, prince charming waltzing into my life with no effort on my part… Love won’t up and tap you on the shoulder with a magic wand to announce itself. It is much messier and more work than that - you’ve got to wade in and try it out to see how deep it goes, and beyond that, you have to work and grow to have it be really worthwhile. You can even start with a love that doesn’t seem to be that deep at first, but through mutual effort end up with something much deeper. Many ways to get there.
But standing on the shore trying to guess how deep it is… you’ll NEVER know if you just do that. Don’t walk into it with your eyes closed, but certainly start exploring the waters - you might find it isn’t as deep as you hoped, or you might find that it is more difficult (this time) than it is worth, or you might find that this one is more dangerous than you want to get into with your level of experience (or with ANY level of experience!), or you might find that it is just right (for now). And then things might change, too, from bad to better, or better to worse. You could grow, they could grow, you could learn something new about yourself, they could learn something new about themselves, and OOPS, things have changed. Maybe you start over, maybe you work harder and grow together, maybe no matter how hard you work, it doesn’t help.
You don’t get to choose, you just get to try, and learn, and try again if you need to, as often as you need to. (Hopefully you’ll learn and grow a lot faster than I did!)
Simple? No. Easy? No. Painless? No. Risk-free? No. But, OH, so worth it when it pays off, and (IMHO) even worth the education when it doesn’t.
Good luck!
Lots of good advice here already; I have a concrete proof of love that worked for me. When I had started dating my now-fiance, I had a dream that he had died and I was an old widow at his funeral. I woke up crying my heart out, and I have never doubted the depth of my love for him after that. When we argue or get mad at each other (and, outside of Hollywood movies, people who love each other are still real human beings and do stupid and/or thoughtless things), I remember that dream and it reminds me why we’re together. Maybe you can think of something in your life that will give you an idea of how deep your feelings are for your boyfriend.
Then let me be one of the first of thousands to offer my point of view (note: This is sorta my advice, but take it as you will) . . .
Avoid long distance relationships like the plague.
Tripler
Love to me is like storming the beach. I always get cut down by machine gun fire. . .
<deletions and italics mine>
Pointless, I am living this right now, and I have come to agree completely with what stoid said here. And in the midst of the pain and uncertainty I can still say: It is indeed worth it. Worth trying to find, worth working at, worth risking your heart for, worth risking losing everything that makes life worth living. Because without love, you’re never really alive; you’re just existing.
And hedra said:
It is much messier and more work than that - you’ve got to wade in and try it out to see how deep it goes, and beyond that, you have to work and grow to have it be really worthwhile.
You don’t get to choose, you just get to try, and learn, and try again if you need to, as often as you need to. (Hopefully you’ll learn and grow a lot faster than I did!)
Simple? No. Easy? No. Painless? No. Risk-free? No. But, OH, so worth it when it pays off, and (IMHO) even worth the education when it doesn’t.
You will find that your heart, like the rest of us, rarely listens to what your head says, or what others say. Listen to your deepest heart, it will not steer you wrong.
Hope this helps some.
And Manservant Hecubus and Tripler, I’m sorry for the pain you feel. Don’t give up on love, please.
{{{{{{Pointless}}}}}}
{{{{{{Manservant Hecubus}}}}}}
{{{{{{Tripler}}}}}}
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by purplebear *
**
Oh, I haven’t given up completely. . .
[shop talk]
Let’s just say that I’m cautious on what forces I employ, and I make damn sure my intelligence isn’t leading me into another ambush . . .
[/shop talk]
Tripler
Hurt? Yeah. Bitter, nah not really. Just cautious. . .
From the movie “Conspiracy Theory”:
“Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don’t even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you’re in love, you’ll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won’t care, screaming ‘Geronimo’ the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just… whoa, she wrecks me. I’d die for her.”
LOVE is a pure emotion, love is nice & sweet.
It’s the other emotions that come into play that suck.
People don’t have emotional organization abilities to decide which of those 100+ emotions we have are in play for them at any given time.
Also, they need to learn emotional geography.
e.g. A lot of men think that love is in their pants.
Isn’t the old standby something like:
“You know you’re in love if you kiss each other passionately even when you both have morning breath.” 
Actually I tend to agree with the “you just know” line of thought. For some people it’s obvious and instinctual, for others it takes a lot of time and experience. There’s a lot of good advice here, but ultimately you’re the only one who can interpret your feelings.