Is there a “too soon” in a relationship to fall head over heels in love?
Has anyone here ever experienced love at first sight?
I’ll just give you a little background on my situation…
The weekend before last I was out clubbing. I’d just been stood up by the girl that’d asked me out that night so I figure I’ll pull the next attractive girl that walks into the club in order to cheer myself up a bit and fill the night with a bit more fun.
Two minutes later, four girls walk in, one of them immediately catches my eye. 5’ tall, glasses, figure to die for, yum.
Half an hour later we’re snogging on the sofas at the side of the club and an hour after that we’re in a taxi back to my place.
Now, up to this point, it seems like a pretty average weekend out clubbing in London…
But we start chatting, more than the usual small talk, we’re both much more interested in each other, fascinated almost, than two post clubbing people usually are. We get back to mine and can’t stop talking, even when naked in bed.
Afterwards, we still don’t stop talking/smooching/sweet-nothings, even though we’re both exhausted and need sleep.
All week we’ve been calling each other for 90% of the waking day and emailing each other for the other 10%.
Went up to see her at the weekend, (she met me at the station wearing nothing but a black basque, stockings and an overcoat, woohoo!), had an amazing weekend. BUT…
Half way through the weekend she said that she thought that she was falling in love with me… now, I kinda feel the same way, but I’ve only seen her twice, only known her for a week…
Is it too soon?
Do you darling dopers out there think I should back off a bit? I don’t want to, but it’s pretty intense and things are happening waaaay quickly…
Whats wrong with happening waaay quickly. I met the love of my life whilst bar tending in Graduate school… Same basic scenerio. We met, first night stayed up lov’in and talking till 5am…next day same. 8 years later we have been married for 7 and both are in professional fields. We rarely if ever spend time appart, we love the same things, have the same morals, and are quite literally meant to be together for ever.
The question is Brainfizz - Are you ready to meet someone who lights up your every button, from your brain to your ahem…member?
THE one who can light you up completely, should get a good deal of your time, and the allowance for you to fall in love with them…Cheers and good luck!
Never too soon. Love at first sight is a well-documented occurrence.
Only problem is that it’s easily mistaken for other things, like great sex, or great chemistry, or both being in the right place at the right time - but the wrong place, next week.
So yah, enjoy it but take it slow, don’t cut off any escape routes (eg getting married/pregnant/cohabiting/promising lifelong fidelity) until you’re certain.
I’m quite skeptical of love at first sight. Lust and infatuation are what happen at the very beginning, but actual love takes a lot more time and knowledge about the other person.
When you know all her faults, hangups, weird idiosyncrasies and you’re still crazy about her, that’s love.
Six months from now, when you see her first thing in the morning with bad hair and bad breath, and you still think she is gorgeous, that’s love.
NoCoolSpouseName & I met by way of a personal ad (back before match sites existed). We spoke on the phone for an hour or two and met that night. After about an hour we agreed to get married–actually did 6 weeks later. All our friends and family members were panic-stricken. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary and we have 2 new kids.
Not that I recommend it, but it can work–especially for experienced relationshippers. Between us we had 3 former spouses and 4 kids before we met. That’s a fair amount of experience! How much do you know about yourself and what you want from life/spouse/relationship?
What Phlosphr said. And what Baby Fish Mouth said.
When I was 14, hanging out with my friends at the skating rink, I saw a cute guy across the floor wearing, IIRC, white jeans (hey, it was the mid 80s) and a blue sweater. I knew right then that I had met “the one,” even though my brain tried to talk me out of it. He, on the other hand, didn’t realize that he’d met “the one,” though we did become inseparable as friends. Thirteen years later, sitting on my living room couch, he asked me to marry him. That was five years ago, and I can’t imagine being married to anyone else.
But I don’t believe in love at first sight (or fate directing you to that one individual). Eighteen years ago (has it been that long?) we had a strong, immediate connection. Now, after years of work and communication, we have built a love with the tensile strength of steel.
My sister and her husband have been married for 24 years. They got engaged three days after they met, and married three weeks later. Through deaths of children and parents, living in 4 different countries, financial hardships and medical problems, they’re still going strong.
It may or may not be True Love, but don’t let that hold you back from just running with it. Falling head over heels for someone right off the bat is a singular life experience. Just enjoy it, and don’t worry about playing it safe.
I’m not sure what you mean by that statement. When and where we meet someone who turns out to be a “true love” may be a matter of fate. What you do with the relationship after you meet is completely under your control.
IOW, love isn’t just some magical thing that happens to you one day. You have to be open to it and ready for it, and willing to put in some effort to make it work.
Very true, my wife and I were ready for a long term relationship. I was 26 she was 25…we had been through our fair share of long term relationships. We had both been the dumpor and dumpee and were ready for someone to enter their life who was ready for commitment, and long lasting love. It was just a fluke of nature, or my very good luck that my wife also happens to be gorgeous! I never thought the two went well together in one package… I was sorly mistaken.
I admit all the time in similar threads that I truly believe I married an angel…things just tend to go our way more often than not!
There’s no time limit on love - when you fall in love, you just know it. It’s too precious a thing to ignore when it does happen - I say just go for it.
For the record, I fell in with my BF before we’d even met (and he with me) - our first weekend together was magical and just cemented what we knew we had together in the first place.
I particularly like the analysis of one advice columnist, I think it was Dan Savage, about love at first sight.
His conclusion is that there is no such thing as love at first sight. Love does and must develop over time, and anything immediate cannot be love.
However, there is the very common experience of lust at first sight. People can become incredibly strongly attracted to each other very quickly. And when you’re in the throes of it, it seems like love. This stage will pass away eventually, and the two people will have to begin dealing with each other as they are, not as their clouded minds think them to be. (Hint, it’s not a good idea to get your partner’s name tattooed on a body part of yours in this stage.
Now, there is the sometime occurance of people who start out in lust at first sight, and eventually it works out and grows into full-blown love. That’s great when it happens, but it doesn’t always (or perhaps even often).
It sounds you’re in the middle of a raging episode of having the hots for each other. That’s great. Enjoy it while it lasts. But realize that there’s the chance that you’ll realize that your initial attraction will prove misplaced. If you don’t do anything rash, there’s the good chance that it will work out in the end. Remember, the game is a long-term one, so there’s no harm in letting the immediate infatuation stage run its course before doing anything permanent.
That would depend on how you define ‘love’. Of course, I haven’t found two people on the board who define it the same.
But! Infatuation, one set of glands calling for another, yep, that one can be quick.
The other special thing is when I find someone who has a very similar childhood to me then it feels like falling in love but it’s really just a similar background.
