I’m a month into a relationship with a charming, wonderful young lady.
I’ve found the love of my life.
I’ve never felt like this before.
I’m certain that I’ve found the woman I’ll be married to when I die of old age, barring accidents.
She’s just as into it.
We’ve had the best month of our collective lives.
My notion is that if I could afford a suitable ring without having to borrow for it or dip into savings, I would probably be proposing this evening.
I’m aware that most people think 1 month in is too soon.
What is the smallest sane time interval betwixt the beginning of a dating relationship and proposal?
Discussion is invited.
Why the rush, she’s not the last Tickle-Me-Elmo in 1996.
Frankly, I would never commit to someone without seeing their ugly side first. How a person handles adversity is tantamount to me. That’s when lust turns to love. When I can see past the bad and still see the good.
ummmm… my husband and I discussed getting engaged sixteen days after we met. He didn’t do a formal proposal with a ring until we’d known each other for four whole months.
So I chose three months
I think your age has a lot to do with it. If you are under 25, don’t get engaged at all. If you are over 25, go for it.
There’s no time limit on this sort of thing IMO. I’ve seen happy marriages where people tied the knot within weeks of meeting each other, or ‘dated’ for 20 years first. I’ve also seen miserable marriages where things moved very quickly or very slowly.
Engagement is a commitment, but on that’s hardly difficult to get out of. What’s the harm in getting engaged super-fast if you’re both on the same page?
I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve been divorced for a little over a year now after a marriage that lasted around 7 years.
I’ve never felt what I’m feeling now. Ever.
I had a live-in partner for about 10 months, between the divorce and ‘this’. I told her that I would never, ever, ever get married again due to how I got taken in the divorce.
That stance broke, and violently, two weeks into ‘this’.
I voted 3 months. I still think that’s awfully quick, but I wouldn’t think it’s crazy. I think it’s wise to wait a year or two unless circumstances demand otherwise (shipping off to war, in desperate need of health benefits, knocked-upedness, personal values inconsistent with premarital-sex, etc.).
I get that it seems exceptional and the chance of your life.
Maybe it is. But it is precisely when one feels such strong emotions that one should be careful to take a step back, lest one get carried away.
It’s similar to how, when you’re feeling the angriest is when you most need to step back. Unfortunately, that’s when you’re least likely to do so.
I said 6 months. Usually I think a year is better, but 6 months isn’t insane, especially if you’re generally stable and make good relationship decisions.
And your situation does not exactly make me think it’s some special exception either. You got divorced and then quickly moved in together with someone else, and that relationship just recently ended? Are you one of those people who can never be alone?
I think it depends on what’s happened in the time that you are together. Like a few previous posters, I want to see the bad side before I commit. It doesn’t have to be horrible or tragic, it just has to be real: a tough patch at work, difficult parents, an argument between the two of you. You learn a lot about a person in those moments. Sometimes relationships get real very quickly. Other times people hold back for months or even years to appear “perfect” to the other. Until I know I’ve seen real, I wouldn’t commit. She’s not going anywhere, so what’s the rush?
If I were you, I’d wait a good six months until that hormone cocktail dies down. (Personally, I got engaged after six months, so I’m biased.) I decided in the beginning that I’d make no permanent decisions before the six month point, as before that I don’t think you can trust yourself at all.
I said 1 week because that’s the shortest time frame you have. I see nothing wrong with people having their marriages arranged before they are even born. The engagement isn’t the problem, it’s the marriage. Couples who are still together after their kids are out of school and gainfully employed should get married. Before that it’s too soon.
Anyway, I proposed to my wife after about 1 month (I was really stoned!). But a year and half later we did get married. Just based on the current culture as accurately portrayed on sitcoms, proposing on the first date, or accepting a proposal on the first date is always a bad sign. But if two strangers get married when they first meet, they will eventually fall in love.
It really depends on what “engagement” means to you. If you mean it as, “we’re getting married, and are just in this status between now and the earliest open reservation date for the reception hall” you’ll want to wait more that if it just means, “we’re probably going to get married if all goes well some at indefinite time in the future, and think ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ are silly terms to use for each other when you’re both grown-ups, and think the term ‘fiance(e)’ will get our parents off our cases”.
On the one hand, if you’re right for each other, why wait? On the other hand, if you’re right for each other, what’s the rush? You’ve been married and divorced and you’re not a kid - I say hold your horses a bit and spend more time together, and as others have said, see where you’re at after the first rush of love hormones wear off.
And congratulations on finding someone to be happy with. I’m happy for you.
