One pair of my grandparents got engaged a couple months after meeting. They seemed pretty happy even after 50 years.
I honestly don’t think you need to wait very long before getting engaged. But one month is pushing it, even if you both know, it won’t hurt anything to wait a few more weeks. If you feel just as great about this when you have a ring, though, go ahead and propose.
Then set a date a year or so after the proposal. That gives you time to create a nice wedding plan, and incidentally to make sure the relationship lasts on the same level.
If I were you, I’d be more concerned about the short time since the divorce than the short time since meeting Ms. Perfect.
If you’re worried about people being judgmental, just don’t tell people you’re engaged till it’s time to invite them to the wedding =D
My husband proposed to me within weeks of our first meeting. I accepted (or proposed to him) about 6 months after that. We’ve been married now for almost 20 years. The important thing is that you’re both on the same schedule no matter what the rest of the world thinks about it. I wouldn’t rush into the wedding though until you’ve talked about kids, money and religion. Congratulations and good luck!
I got engaged about six months after the start of our relationship, and married a year later. (I am told that my husband had decided to propose after the first month, but waited a while so he wouldn’t freak me out too much.) That makes me the slowest in my family by a substantial margin. My parents had their first date on New Year’s Eve, got engaged in May, and married in August. They’ve been married for 47 years.
Forgive me for invoking reality TV here, but The Millionaire Matchmaker (Patti Stanger) explained on a show something I think is quite true and totally fitting of your quote here. She said: men are like microwaves and women are like slow cookers. Most men know almost instantly if they’ve met the girl they want to spend their lives with and will trust that feeling-- whereas women feel that, but want to simmer on it for a while.
Interestingly, she also says that after 6 months, everybody should know what they want out of the relationship and where it’s going to go, which I agree with.
Plus, I’ve always heard (though I don’t know how true it is) that it takes about 6 months for your brain to stop producing all those gushy OMG NEW RELATIONSHIP!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY! chemicals and settle in.
Before you rush into anything please take the time to think. Marriage is wonderful, I love my wife and wouldn’t trade our marriage for anything. However this is my second. My first marriage lasted 8 years and was a nasty nasty divorce. She ended up not being the same person I married and in retrospect I married her too soon. Once you tie the knot is not the time to find out things you don’t like about a person.
There is no rush, be sure that you know all there is to know about her. My advise is (this is what I should have done to my ex) to make sure that you take photos of her and have her stand in front of a mirror. If she has no reflection, RUN AWAY … run away fast. Secondly, stop by your local Catholic Church. Get a bit of holy water in a small container. Wait until Honey falls asleep and sprinkle a little on her arm. If her skin sizzles RUN AWAY. IMPORTANT … only do step number two when she is sleeping, as if her skin sizzles while awake you won’t make it out alive. Thirdly if, like my ex, she sleeps hanging upside down wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings RUN AWAY, it isn’t adorable, it is a sign.
All kidding aside marriage is a huge commitment. Even if it doesn’t work out and you end up divorced you will be connected to this person for the rest of your life if you have kids with them. Take your time and make sure because the initial few months that you start dating are always bliss and skew your view. What happens when you two get into a fight? What is her/your family like and what is their attitude toward each of you? Make sure you know what she is expecting out of a marriage, do you both want kids? Both want to live in the same place? etc… I would say that between 6 months and a year is about right, but different for each couple. I do wish you luck if you do propose and I hope you two have a wonderful life together.
Don’t mean to post so soon again, but I missed this comment. You sound similar to me. My 1st marriage lasted 8 years and I was in my late 30’s when it happened. I told myself, because the divorce was so bad, that I would never ever get married again. Then I met my wife and that opinion changed quick and I am thankful it did. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and I now know what a good marriage is, my first was a sham from the start, I just didn’t know it.
Wait a second. You were married for 7 years, divorced a year ago. Of those 12 months, you had a live-in parter for 10. And now you’re ready to propose to someone new?
I say wait. There’s no reason to rush, and if I were her I’d be concerned about your double-rebound.
There’s no general rule. When I was young and a bit of a gambler at heart, I agreed to marry a man I had met 3 days before and with whom I hadn’t had sex, just a rather clumsy kiss. We were married for 14 years and a half, until his death, but it might not have lasted much longer.
Seven years after his death and after dating a few men, I became friends with one, then the friendship changed. We lived together for 5 years, then married. We’ll have been married for 15 years on the 28th.
Two weeks after we met, we had our first date. Two days after that, we decided to get married. Four weeks after our first date, we eloped. It’s been 28 years. YMMV.
The separation from my wife had been declared for two years before the divorce, and occurred 10 months before the divorce.
We were, perhaps, both dating for the 10 months before the divorce. We both knew, but could not prove, that the other was dating, and neither objected.
I spent the 10 months dating. Shortly after the divorce, I had a date with a woman who lived some distance away from my house. She wound up spending the night, then spending 4 days, going home on the weekend. Because her home was not a great place and including some crappy relationships, she wound up spending the night for months at a time. I sent her home maybe a week or two before things with my current love interest became a dating thing instead of a friend thing.
If you don’t have enough relationships under your belt to recognize the romance stage when it’s happening to you, then you need to wait at least 12 months. If you had enough experience to recognize it, you would know to wait until the initial romance wears off before making any long-term decisions.
Thinking about this all a little more, I realize that it’s not the engagement date that matters, it’s the wedding date. As soon as you set the date, you are really engaged. You can break the engagement without turmoil ensuing. So I don’t see anything wrong with getting engaged while you are in the romantic thrall (or really stoned). Just don’t set that wedding date. Leave yourself a way out. If you don’t like each other after the shine is gone, no harm done.
My wife and I knew each other for six weeks before we got engaged, but I’d tell anyone who did something like that they were a complete fool. I knew my first wife six months before I proposed and I think that’s the bare minimum.
Of course my first marriage was pretty much a disaster and my second marriage has lated 31 years, so it proves I know nothing.
You don’t get any discounts on the reception caterer based on how quickly you propose. Why the rush - are you scared she’ll run off if you don’t lock her down? If so, that’s not a good reason to get engaged. Are you worried you or she will have second thoughts if you wait? If so, that’s not a good reason either. I went with 6 months, but I don’t think I could do it before a year.
This. You are still in the fun, romantic, honeymoon period. It won’t always be like this. That’s when you know if you want to be with this person or not–when things kinda suck. And they do sometimes.
