Is getting engaged after six months of dating too soon? Keeping in mind that the engagement is planned to be long.
We are both ready and know we have a future together, but she has some worries about what other people think…
Opinions please?
-Chris
There is no easy answer to that question. It depends entirely on the individuals involved. Are you both mature enough (note that does not say old enough) to make that commitment? Do you know each other well enough? Some couples know each other intimately after six months; others are just getting started.
It’s a decision that you have to make. Talk to close friends who know both of you well, as they can offer more insight. But here is a tip: If you’re not sure, than in most cases, you’re probably not ready.
Yeah to what KimKatt said. It really depends on how mature BOTH of you are, and how long the engagement is going to be, and where you both are in your lives (school, job, etc.). Plus, don’t rush it if there is any doubt. If it is true love, it will last. Trying to ‘lock it down’ with an engagement is not the right answer, and will never work.
By the time my husband and I knew each other for 6 months, we’d been married for 5 months. December will mark our 17th anniversary.
I guess my answer to your question is: Who knows? Depends on the individuals involved.
My reaction to your specific situation is if you have to ask, it’s probably too soon.
Well, I feel each of us is ready- mainly I feel it is a decision that should be made between the two people and it really shouldn’t matter what others think.
We both see ourselves having a great future together, and we’re planning on about a two year engagement (long I know, but due to our situations, it makes sense).
-Chris
I should also note that after knowing her for only a couple months, I knew in my heart that this was the woman with whom I wanted to share my life. And, thankfully, she feels the same.
-Chris
Ummm… So why do you ask, then?
Why do I ask?
Cause I was just fishing for opinions:) I am strange that way…
-Chris
Another reason I was asking y’all- the said six month point is still about 2.5 months in the future… I am just planning ahead… On a related note, this beautiful friday the thirteenth is our 4 month anniversary!
for those of you doing the math… yes, the planned engagement would actually be after 6.5 months…
-Chris
I don’t think it matters how long you have been dating before you get engaged. Dating for 10 years before getting engaged doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a perfect marriage and dating for 6 months before getting engaged doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a disasterous one. If it feels right in your heart and this is what both of you want then you’re doing the right thing. Trust your feelings and your instincts and who gives a rat’s ass what others think about it.
My SO and I were living together 1 month after we met and were engaged 2 months later. I’m sure that some people think that it’s a little fast because we only knew each other a little over 3 months when we got engaged but it doesn’t matter to us. We know that this is what we want and that we want to share our lives together and we’re very happy. We’re not having a very long engagement either. We’re getting married in April… by that time we will have been together for a little over 1 year. I’ve always heard people say that when they met their husband/wife they “knew” that this was the person they were going to spend their life with but I never believed it until I met my fiancee. If it feels right… do it.
Good luck!
One of the reasons you want to take longer is because time usually helps to reveal various wants and desires in your partner. If there’s a way you can find this out sooner, you can bypass some extra time.
Are you Catholic? The Catholic Church conducts weekend workshops called “Engaged Encounter” where engaged couples learn about things about their partners. Stuff like, “how many children do you want?” “When do you want them?” “How will you educate them?” “How will you discipline them?” “Will one of you be a stay-at-home parent?” “Do you want to live in the city or in the 'burbs?” “How are you going to save money for retirement?” etc. etc. etc.
You’d be surprised – MOST couples don’t talk about this stuff beforehand, and often these are what cause the rifts and angry feelings later on.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t get married. I’m saying, start talking about this kind of stuff. Start talking about the future. The two of you need to sit down and iron out your kinks. At some point you might hit a brick wall… and at that point you can decide whether it’s worth continuing.
Don’t forget that you aren’t always going to be goo-goo eyed over her. You want to be able to respect and love the relationship when she has gained 50 pounds and waddles around eating weird food because she is pregnant with your child. You know what I mean?
I guess it comes down to one question:
My husband and I knew we were getting married 4 weeks after we met each other. We bought the rings 4 months into the relationship. he proposed 7 months in. We got married 2 years in. Some relationships are more of a courtship than a serious relationship. I know that Chris and I could/can sit for hours on end talking about our future and/or past. We never get tired of being with each other (sick, I know) and can tell each others moods and wants without even making an outward appearance. I really depends on wether you guys are completely comfortable with each other and ready for the commitment.
When Chris and I got engaged I was 18, he 19. We didn’t tell his parents for 2 months, afraid of their reaction. And sure, it is hard to get past the stereotypes and reactions to our age and length of our relationship. But true friends and relations will be understanding and will be able to tell if that person is right for you. Don’t listen to everybody. But do think about what the people who know you best think and observe.
IMHO, if you feel you are ready, and she feels she is ready, then I say go for it.
In my case, my SO asked me to marry him about two months after we started dating. However, we ended up waiting five years before marrying. There were a variety of reasons for waiting, but it was mostly my fault we waited so long. He wanted to get married right away, but I been married before and it had ended badly, so I was a little scared to jump back into a marriage. I was the one who kept him waiting for all those years. I was lucky, he was patient enough to wait for me to get over my fears.
My husband and I had dated about 1-1/2 months before we got engaged. Like you, “knew” they were the right person. WE got married 10 months later and just celebrated our 9th anniversary. Gets better every year.
Good luck!