1. Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes 2. Have you done so more than once? One guy, two occasions. 3. When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? No 4. Would you do it again? No 5. Are you in a committed relationship now? No 5. If yes, would your answer to (4) change if you were not in a commited relationship? N/A 7. How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheated on? I’ve never been cheated on, as far as I know, so I can’t comment on that end of it.
My experience of “cheating with” only served to confirm and strengthen my belief that strict and unyielding monogamy is not for me. I was in a marriage in which I was sexually unfulfilled. I didn’t cheat. But I don’t think I’d want to get into another marriage where seeking sexual satisfaction outside the marriage would never be an option. It would have to be with the consent of my husband, of course, but I don’t ever want to be stuck in that situation again. I know this dramatically reduces the pool of guys who might want to be in a serious relationship with me, but so be it. I think it would hurt me extra-much to be cheated on because I would be open to my guy having sex with other people! (I’d consider it cheating if he violated the terms of our arrangement, whatever that arrangement might be.)
I greatly regret having abetted someone’s cheating. IMHO, his justifications for doing it were pretty reasonable, but that still doesn’t excuse it. I don’t know his wife personally, but I feel like it was a really crappy thing to have done to her.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? No
Have you done so more than once? N/A
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? N/A
Would you do it again? N/A
Are you in a committed relationship now? No.
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship? N/A
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on? N/A - but the other way around, I can say that being cheated on makes me less likely both to cheat on someone or to aid and abet a known cheater even while not committed myself. The person cheated on (the cheatee? ) would have to be quite the asshole for me to want to inflict such fucked up pain and sorrow on him.
Just once. I’ve slept with a couple of married men but they were all in divorce proceedings before I even met them.
No
Probably not. Now I’m in a committed relationship. (Although I’m considering “cheating” on him with an old friend as I can’t be with him currently…see location. It’s a fairly open relationship, although I really just want him).
Yes
No
Depends. I don’t think I did his relationship any harm. I took care not to. I think betrayal is not just sex. And I wouldn’t be hurt by anyone I was with having sex with someone else if it were not a betrayal.
Hmmm. I have to amend 2. The guy I mentioned in 4. , well back in the day, I slept with him and his girlfriend walked in and gave me a black eye…and knocked one of his teeth out. But now knowing more about his relationship with her she’s more of a roommate and can’t really be called a lover. So I don’t know what she was doing getting upset about someone doing what she wasn’t willing to do.
1. Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes, but all three men I’m thinking of lied to me and told me their relationships were open and I believed them. One of them (the first one) I did catch on and continue cheating anyway.
2. Have you done so more than once? Yes
3. When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? Yes, with the one I knew was cheating. Not a proud relationship of mine.
4. Would you do it again? No
5. Are you in a committed relationship now? Yes, an open marriage.
5. If yes, would your answer to (4) change if you were not in a commited relationship? No
7. How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheated on? I am terribly judgmental of those who cheat, not because I cheated myself, but because I discovered polyamory. There’s such a simple solution to getting sex with more than one person ethically: just tell them! Be open and honest and I have no problem whose naughty bits you’re rubbing on. It’s the lies and deception and hurt that come with cheating (in either a monogamous or polygamous situation) that’s the real problem, IMHO.
1. Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating?
Once - and the moment I found out I was that person, I shucked off the cheater in a hot minute. With significant anger, I might add. I do not appreciate being lied to. The only reason I consider myself to have been the cheating-partner is because the relationship that didn’t involve me predated my relationship with the cheater by a considerable amount of time - the guy in question had falsely informed me he was single. So I guess it could be argued that I was the one being cheated on.
2. Have you done so more than once?
No. See above.
3. When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself?
No. I was single.
4. Would you do it again?
No. I wouldn’t have done it the first time.
5. Are you in a committed relationship now?
Yes.
5. If yes, would your answer to (4) change if you were not in a commited relationship?
No. Not at all.
6. How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?
Frankly, it doesn’t. I was ethically opposed to cheating before, I remain ethically opposed. My own inclination is very, very firmly oriented towards traditional monogamy. I have no objection to folks who don’t share my inclination, but being the third wheel in a relationship holds no appeal for me, even outside my ethical objections to aiding and abetting (even tacitly by being the cheating partner - I do my best to live up to the Golden Rule) cheating.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes. I did not know it until months after our relationship started.
Have you done so more than once? No
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? No
Would you do it again?I can not predict the future, but now I would be cheating, and I have not strayed in 25 years, so …
Are you in a committed relationship now? Yes. The woman who was cheating in 1. has been Mrs. Slow for 23 years
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship? I think if I were single, I’d be more willing to be an acomplice.
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?I don’t know the person I would be if I hadn’t been the person cheated with - we’ve been together a long time. In other words, I don’t know how I would react to being cheated on if I hadn’t been cheated with; I only know how I would react now. I do not think I could live with being cheated on. (I could forgive, but not forget. I would dwell on it, and it would sunder our marriage.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes, he told me they were through.
Have you done so more than once? Nope.
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? Nope.
Would you do it again? Nope.
Are you in a committed relationship now? Yep.
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship? Nope.
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheated on? It didn’t. I’ve cheated and been cheated on several times in my life. It’s awful on both sides and I’ll never do it or put up with it again. That said, I don’t demonize cheaters. People make mistakes.
I really should have specified “knowingly” in the OP. Sleeping with a person whom you don’t know is committed to someone else is not the same as doing so when you have all relevant information.
Actually,I think it can be a bit of a gray area. I could make the case that I didn’t “know” a few times…I didn’t ask and it was never mentioned…but I think I “knew” and that’s why I didn’t ask.
Once,I did freak out for about 5 minutes when I found out, but I went on to do it like a couple hundred more times with the guy so that doesn’t really count either.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes
Have you done so more than once? Yes
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? Nope
Would you do it again? Maybe
Are you in a committed relationship now? Yes
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship? Nope
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?
Well, at the time I was newly divorced and wanted to avoid any type of long-term commitment. Married women seemed made for the situation, and in each instance they were the one who broached the idea. If I were cheated on, I think I would assume it to be a reflection in some way on my behavior.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating?
Yes
Have you done so more than once?
No
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself?
Yes
Would you do it again?
Maybe
Are you in a committed relationship now?
No
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship?
N/A
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?
It doesn’t. I just assume that most men cheat, so he is more than likely cheating on me, so why shouldn’t I cheat on him? Really, I doubt I know anyone who is and always has been completely faithful.
While I know a few people who have cheated, I also know a few who were faithful, despite great unhappiness and lack of sex in marriages that ultimately failed.
BTW, I continued cheating with after I found out, but they were informally (as opposed to legally) separated the whole time, and we eventually married.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating?
Yes. He told me he was single. I found out he wasn’t when his girlfriend confronted me. I admitted to being the “other one”, and anything going on between him and me ended right then and there. Me and her ended up being best friends. He never recovered.
Have you done so more than once?
No. Unless some other guy that I’ve been dating has lied to me.
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself?
No.
Would you do it again?
Absolutely not.
Are you in a committed relationship now?
Yes.
If yes, would your answer to (4) change if you were not in a commited relationship?
No.
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?
I feel even more disgust for people who cheat, and people knowingly dating someone who is breaking an agreement with their partner by doing so.
Well, that changes things, doesn’t it? Here are my answers again, modified to reflect the new factor.
Have you ever knowingly been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating?
The first time, which lasted approximately 10 months, no. The second time, which lasted approximately 1 month, yes. No, I’m not proud of it.
Have you done so more than once?
Yes, with the same person. See 1 above. There was a gap of approximately two weeks between the end of the 1st and beginning of the 2nd periods, during which I slowly weakened and ultimately succumbed to a pathetic combination of pleading and stalking.
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself?
No
Would you do it again?
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t, but hey, I’m human, and anything’s possible in the right circumstances
Are you in a committed relationship now?
Yes
If yes, would your answer to (4) change if you were not in a commited relationship?
Nope
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on?
It made me realize that the reasons people cheat are as numerous as the stars, and not to take my SO for granted
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? yes
Have you done so more than once? only once that was truly "behind the back of the 3rd person who had not been informed that the exclusivity promise was off"
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? I never promise exclusivity so by definition I am never cheating
Would you do it again? 3rd party is informed that previous promises of exclusivity and etc are null and void? yeah. not informed? no.
Are you in a committed relationship now? in some senses. see above
If yes, would your answer to (5) change if you were not in a commited relationship? no
How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on? not relevant; I also don’t accept promises of exclusivity from other people
My first and only long-term relationship was with a guy who was dating someone else when we started hanging out. He dated a series of women with me on the side (emotionally and somewhat physically, although I didn’t go all the way for a few years) and never acknowledged me publicly as a partner. Needless to say, I was very very young and naive.
I hope I would never allow myself to be used like that again. I don’t trust anyone to remain faithful to me long-term and I don’t trust people to not cheat.
Other than the whole no-one’s-been-interested thing, that’s probably what makes me avoid these relationships.
Have you ever been the person with whom another person in a committed relationship was cheating? Yes.
Have you done so more than once? No
When you were the person abetting the cheating, were you also cheating yourself? No.
Would you do it again? No.
Are you in a committed relationship now? Yes.
[6.] If yes, would your answer to [4] change if you were not in a commited relationship? No.
[7.] How does your experience on being cheated with affect your opinion on being cheating on? Not at all.
The woman I was fiddling with had a husband that lived and worked in the USA. I rationalized to myself that was tantamount to being single. I spent an appropriate amount of time feeling like an idiot when it turned out that she was just as married as anyone who slept in the same bed with her husband every night.
) would have to be quite the asshole for me to want to inflict such fucked up pain and sorrow on him.