Have you ever regretted being an attractive woman?

[Hari_Seldon]

I know a very beautiful mathematician who dresses in a very dowdy fashion. A mutual friend (female) told me she does it on purpose because she wants to be taken seriously as a mathematician.

I met her first about 30 years ago and she knocked my socks off. She was really gorgeous. The next time I met her, about 12 years later, she was still beautiful under all the lousy clothing. We actually published a joint paper on that occasion. I haven’t seen her since and she has to be in fifties, but I bet she is still beautiful. But it seems clear that her physical attractiveness was a bother. Also, AFAIK, she and her husband (whom I also met 12 years ago) were totally devoted to each other, so why would she want other men hitting on her?

[monstro]

I am only attractive when I put special care in my clothing and make-up. In my normal day-to-day life, I’m just “normal”. I’m not making anyone run away in horror, but I am also pretty invisible.

If I were the type who did like dressing up and looking “nice”, yes, it would be suck. I used to get hit on when I was younger, and it always stressed me out. I didn’t want that kind of attention at all, but I didn’t want to be rude. So I would do things to make myself unattractive when I was out in public just so I could get a moment’s peace.

But I wouldn’t trade what I have now for “ugly”. I know I have benefited from looking a certain way, even if I don’t consciously try to appeal to anyone but myself.

[Velocity]

@ZPG_Zealot

When I was a teenager I use to bind my breasts and add padding at my waist because I didn’t want the hassle of men bothering me. I still utterly hate to get dressed up in any way if I have to interact outside my own ethnic community because too many men seem to think if a woman is attractive it gives them license to bother her. I have sometimes thought of slashing up my face, but why should I have to disfigure myself because of other peoples’ disgusting manners. I’ve thought about face veils, but the Muslim women I know who do wear full-face veils have all said, it doesn’t really work.

ZPG Zealot with the usual flame baiting.

[Malacandra]

I’m kinda jonesing for a Have you ever regretted being batshit insane? thread, but I can’t honestly tell you what put that thought into my head.

Anyway, being male, over fifty and at best able to claim to scrub up not too horrifying, I don’t really have anything to add to this thread.

[Spice_Weasel]

@Velocity

ZPG Zealot with the usual flame baiting.

I’m not sure it counts as baiting if you sincerely hold those beliefs.

[HoneyBadgerDC]

I just surveyed my girlfriend on this. She was the classic platinum blond with the very large boobs and all the right curves when we met. She says the unwanted attention was aggravating but not bad enough to make her stop dolling it up because the wanted attention made it worthwhile. Easier to get interviews, find jobs and close sales deals if you can back up the looks with some brains.

[Springtime_for_Spacers]

@Spice_Weasel

I’m not sure it counts as baiting if you sincerely hold those beliefs.

Spice Weasel, sometimes you are just too nice

[lorene]

I have never had this problem.

[Nema98]

I regret not being an attractive woman, seriously I used to be mistaken for a girl up till 13 even with short hair, and I always thought it was awesome. Not that I would turn in my manliness.

But I would like it, why not? Better than being ugly.

[ZPG_Zealot]

@Velocity

ZPG Zealot with the usual flame baiting.

Comments like this are why many attractive women regret the way they look.

[RivkahChaya]

@jtur88

I haven’t gone very deep into this subject, but I’ve always intuitively felt that most men rank themselves on a scale of 1-10, and tend to mostly hit on women one point up the scale from their own self evaluation. If a man thinks of himself as a 6, he will hit on women who are a 7, and leave everybody else pretty much alone. For a man to aspire to a woman several points up the scale is often an indication of his immaturity.

Very true-- and whatever men usually size themselves up as is about 1 point lower than what average women would call them, and 2 points lower than women 8 and up would call them. So a man who sizes himself up as an 8, and tries to hit on a 9 should know that she thinks he’s a 6. If he hits on a 7 instead, she’ll think he’s a 7 too (8-1), and that’ll work out better.

I’ve always been one of those women that people describe as pretty “for a Jew.” That probably doesn’t count, although I do have big breasts that just got bigger when I had a baby, and were supposed to get smaller again when he stopped nursing, but never did. Yes, people stare at them. Not just men, but people. I’m not skinny; I’m not even thin now that I’m middle-aged, but I’m thin enough that I know some people wonder if they are real. They are, and they are a literal pain in the ass-- or more like the small of my back just above my ass. I have to buy bras online. My insurance doesn’t cover breast reduction surgery, though.

[CT_Damsel]

@Drunky_Smurf

What’s so smack worthy about it? Our society has a stereotype that attractive women aren’t that bright because they figure out early on that they don’t need to be to get by in life. Usual disclaimer that one shouldn’t assume stereotypes are true and blah blah blah.

(Bolding mine) Because he told me.

[papergirl]

I was reasonably attractive when I was not an almost-middle aged mom type. I had some creepy experiences with men, but frankly I never thought it was due to my attractiveness. I always assumed it was because some people are creeps.

My daughter is 13 and has a lovely, mature, exotic look. She is usually pretty oblivious to the attention she receives from boys and men, but when she notices it, she is decidedly uncomfortable. I feel bad for her sometimes. Hopefully she will become more secure as she gets older.

[RivkahChaya]

I sometimes got attention from men-- men over 21, when I was 14 and 15, because I had big boobs, and high cheekbones, so I looked older. I never did get comfortable with it, and I never really knew who was a creep, and who thought they were hitting on an 18-year-old. My uncle was a college professor, and I was in a college town, so a lot of times I got hit on at the university library, or other campus places, while wearing a university sweatshirt, and carrying a dance bag (it was before backpacks were ubiquitous, and a lot of teenage girls, including college students, carried dance bags, and guys carried gym bags). If I’d had a backpack, it would have looked more “high school,” but I wasn’t consciously trying to look older. I used to dance in New York, so I had a dance bag.

In odd moments, I’d try to think of a casual way of saying “You know, I’m 15.” “I’m in high school.” I think most guys would have backed off, and the ones who didn’t were probably the ones who were 18 or 19, not 21 or 22. In fact, when I was 16, and a junior in HS, I did date an 18-year-old freshman, and at 17, and a senior in HS, I dated a 19-year-old college student.

Some things I’ll never know. There was one guy who was a real creep, and scared me. He looked at least 30, probably older, and when I was 14, he grabbed my ass in the library stairway, and told me he wanted to kiss me. But he took no for an answer, and left. Since I have no way of knowing how old he thought I was, I don’t know if he was a pedophile, or just a douche.

[joyfool]

@Malacandra

I’m kinda jonesing for a Have you ever regretted being batshit insane? thread, but I can’t honestly tell you what put that thought into my head.

Nah. It’s decidedly come in handy upon occasion. Someone should get that last piece of cake, so make them very, very afraid.

Anyway, being male, over fifty and at best able to claim to scrub up not too horrifying, I don’t really have anything to add to this thread.

I can clean up okay, but I don’t know how much that translates to attractive or not. A couple of guys over the course of my life has thought so, so I do believe it has its advantages. Therefore, from a very limited experience, I don’t regret whatever bits have been tossed my way.

ETA: But the big boobs thing sometimes sucked. I’ve never accented mine intentionally (it makes me feel exposed), but there’s been times when guys leer. Gross.

[MoonMoon]

@bup

I would think it’s easier to make oneself unattractive than to make oneself attractive.

So, if one is cursed looking like an angel, one can go out unwashed and skanky and not get unwanted attention. But when it’s a benefit…

Not true, actually. It seems to have the opposite effect. I don’t know if it’s a ‘more approachable’ kind of thing, or what.

Note: I’m slightly less uncomfortable with the “subtle brag” aspect of replying here because now that I’m in my forties, getting hit on is a much less frequent event.

[GrumpyBunny]

@CT_Damsel

No I do not regret being an attractive woman.

On a few occasions I have experienced a sort of discrimination.

One male boss assumed I was stupid; since I was attractive. I only know this because after a few months he mentioned he was shocked an attractive woman could be smart :smack:

Also a few men have been wary of asking me out; thinking I would reject them. I found this out after I asked them out

Ditto. And it’s tiresome, really. Even *knowing *that it happened (my mother was a model in her teens and 20s and had been through the same thing)!

I was really, really attractive in my late teens thru my 20s. (Peak reproductive time, I know.) I didn’t realize how pretty I was. Wish I had. I might’ve worked that angle harder at the time.

But yeah, I also ran into people who didn’t think I should be smart, or people who wouldn’t even listen to what I had to say (the blonde’s talking? why?) at work.

And between being a bit reserved and pretty, people thought I was a bitch.

I’m still reasonably attractive, I suppose (good hair, good skin, I dress fairly well), but thank gods, the young and hot side of things is done with.

Edit: I echo MoonMoon on the humblebrag side of things. But now, I’m in my 40s and roundish, so, you know.

[Duckster]

@Count_Blucher

…what this has to do with Women, I’ll never know.

Perhaps he considers himself his own Lucky Stiff?

[woodstockbirdybird]

@ZPG_Zealot

Comments like this are why many attractive women regret the way they look.

No, I’m pretty sure that comment was directed specifically at you, and had nothing to do with the way attractive women feel.

[kaylasdad99]

I agree. And for what it’s worth, I thought it was out of line.