Not true. My partner is very striking-looking, not to mention very tall, and he’s constantly hit on by people of both sexes. Having experienced this his entire life (he was even a gorgeous baby), to him it’s become a minor annoyance. But for many years, especially his teen years, he was very screwed up by it.
I think lots of attractive women have moments when they wish they were lower profile, as it were.
Attractive girl goes into pub, hoping to catch the eye of a handsome young man she saw there last week. Directly other men begin to hit on her. The boy she fancys is just seeing her shoot down one guy after another, he’s not coming over probably.
And let’s not forget the angst ridden, horrible, teenaged awkward stage. Wherein everyone else is struggling with feeling invisible. And at home your Mom is all, “Why do you dress that way, you look so sloppy. Your hair is covering your face!” And you just want to be invisible for a freaking day!
Of course there are times when A girl just wants to be left alone with her thoughts, her book, her coffee. But no, “Oh, great, this shit again.” “No thank you.” We don’t want to take your drink, have you join us, meet a charming stranger.
There is also a phase in a young girls life where she is a bit of a target for inappropriate attention from opportunistic creepers. Riding public transit involves a lot of sizing up who you sit beside or stand next to. And you’ll still be surprised, and not in a pleasant way. Yes, it’s extremely tiresome. (When you’re a little older you’ll learn this happens to all girls, and isn’t about pretty, but about opportunism.)
And Murphy’s Law is always in play, just as you let your guard down, because you’re absorbed in events, haven’t been harassed lately, feel comfortable with these people, whammy, someone makes a move.
But I don’t hear any pretty women lamenting too loudly because like everything in life, this ‘advantage’ comes with an upside and a downside. Pretty girls know they get a lot of advantages. But so do tall men, star athletes, talented musicians, etc.
Well, I wasn’t deliberately excluding men, I just felt it might be more of a problem in women. I’d be interested to hear of male stories as well.
As I mentioned, I have never really been in the position of having to worry about this attention firsthand, but knowing how guys are with attractive women (myself included), vicariously I feel pretty uncomfortable. The closest personal experience I can think of is being followed, catcalled, insulted, and touched by various people on the street in India just because I am a foreigner. (they call it ‘firang teasing’, and it is generally accepted as harmless, though ‘eve teasing’, the corresponding and potentially more serious harassment of women, is at least somewhat frowned upon)
Overall firang teasing is a relatively small thing, but when I think of an attractive woman getting the same sort of attention much more extensively*, it kind of creeps me out.
- Referring to women anywhere, not specifically India
This is very out of line for this forum, Velocity. If you want to say something like this, you make a thread in the BBQ Pit. It’s not allowed outside of there.
Do not do this again.
I think being fairly attractive has many positives, and no real negatives. Better treatment from people (sad but true), more dating options, and generally makes going through life smoother. How do I know? The difference in how I’m treated when I look better vs worse (I’m not a supermodel so going out in sweats with unbrushed hair is pretty unattractive, but I look nice enough when I make minimal effort, and if I try I can look better. And after my kids were born, there was a 5 month period where I was at a very unattractive weight for me, and had no sleep. Not pretty).
Unwanted attention from creepy men is a fact of female life and I think happens to almost every woman regardless of her attractiveness. So, while this is an unpleasant experience, I don’t think being less attractive would help.
Now, I can imagine downsides to being extremely, freakishly hot. But I have never been in this position so I can only speak to a more run of the mill attractiveness.
…perhaps he thinks one good stiff deserves another?
I’m fairly tall, which is fine now. But I tell you that getting to 5’7" in junior high school is disconcerting. There is nowhere to hide. And being 5’7" and about 110 lbs is just not cute. You’re all elbows and knees. Finally stopped growing at 5’9", which is just regular tall.
In college, I couldn’t walk into a bar without guys hitting on me, or walk down the street without getting cat calls. It wasn’t fun. I found it very off-putting and even threatening, especially at night. (Of course, I’d get hit on even when I was in my sweatshirt and jeans, so maybe it was more college boys’ overall horniness vs. my attractiveness.)
I’ve gotten jobs where people accused me of being hired based on my looks, even though I’m extremely capable, thankyouverymuch.
Recently, I had two men tell me that they had a crush on me before I was married, but didn’t ask me out because they felt I was “out of their league.” One of them I would have loved to dated because I really liked him. What he lacked in looks, he made up for in charisma and smarts. We flirted a lot back in the day, but he never acted on it. I recently had lunch with him after not seeing him for 25 years, and the chemistry between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. We’re both happily married to other people now, so it all turned out for the best, but what a shame that he let that be a barrier.
And finally, it’s difficult being friends with men, because their girlfriends/wives assume he wants to sleep with me. Give me a break.
lol
All I can think about right now is the dumb-ass commercial campaign for Pantene products from the 1980s. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” :smack:
I’m reminded of this article two years ago, which led to thousands of angry comments:
Frankly, I think the author was ridiculous.
Whenever I start regretting being an attractive woman I have my meds adjusted. That usually helps.
Is it really true that people are going to see someone as more attractive just because they themselves are less attractive? Plus, I get the whole point system, but this seems incredibly complex…talking about looking one point less attractive or one point more to something so nebulous and vague as beauty.
Well, I don’t. Reducing a fellow human being down to a single unidimensional number? 
Unbelievable that people do such a thing in this day and age. :mad:
I agree. And I mention having a few problems myself (including other women not liking/trusting me when I was in my “looks like Barbie” stage).
I wanted to tell that author that time takes care of these problems and to get over herself.
Anecdotally, I have met some very attractive women who appear to have been content to ‘coast on their looks’ to a certain extent, and I think that choice has left them left developed as a person, so I believe it can have a ‘hidden disability’ side to it for some people.
Ambi, you know we’re friends, but I gotta ask; what’s up with the “lol”? Do you not believe her? Think she’s laying on the stealth brag a bit thick? Or what? Because from what I’ve known of my extremely attractive friends, nothing she said rings false. So, I’m curious. What gives?
Conversations like this are always fraught with risks for the women who come forward.
I can’t even image what actually beautiful women go through, if she has problems…
Excuse my candor, but she’s f***ing ugly and I’d rather tear my testicles out of my scrotum with my bare hands than read anything that woman puts to paper.