This past weekend we had a family reunion in Missouri. Among the relatives in attendance was my Aunt Alice (not her real name). Aunt Alice is my aunt through marriage on my mother’s side. Aunt Alice lives in another state and I see her once every couple years or so. Okay, enough background. This weekend I had two run-ins with her that left me wondering why she is one of my more well-liked relatives:
Saturday afternoon I was talking with my cousin Maureen (not her real name either). Maureen and I are both newlyweds. We were discussing married life, and I jokingly asked, “So when are you going to have a bay-bee?” Maureen and I got into a discussion on how people are always asking that and that we (Maureen and I) are not in any particular hurry to reproduce at this point in time. This is when Aunt Alice walks in. She tells us that “it’s about time” Maureen and I get pregnant (Maureen has been married almost a year, my second anniversary is in September). I say that Mr. Jeannie and I are waiting to save up money and get a house before having kids. Aunt Alice says we should buy right now. I say that we can’t afford it at the moment. She proceeds to tell me (in the nicest way possible) that interest rates are as low as they’ll ever be and we should jump on a house right now, we’re “throwing away” our money on rent and that “anyone who doesn’t buy a house right now is just plain stupid.” After another minute or two of this, I respond, "Hey, if nothing else, I’ll get pregnant the minute my sister walks down the aisle and takes her wedding vows. (Everyone knows that my sister is in no rush to get engaged).
The next morning, I hand my goddaughter a birthday card. I tell her that I honestly didn’t forget her birthday (which was two weeks prior), I’m just bad at sending stuff out on time. My goddaughter has no problem with this and thanks me for the card. Aunt Alice is right behind me and comments that “Oh, no one in Chicago ever sends anything when they should.” Aunt Alice’s daughter tries to shush her. Aunt Alice continues on, saying that even though she sends cards and Christmas gifts on time, the “people from Chicago” are always late and she’s learned through the years to just put up with it. Now, the “people” she’s referring to are just one person: my mother. I damn near ripped her a new one for that comment. I could not believe that she said something so rude right in front of everyone. My mom was out of earshot at the time, and I don’t plan to tell her what Aunt Alice said (what would it accomplish?).
On previous occasions, she has remarked to my husband about his putting on weight. And it’s never in a joking way. It’s always, “Damn, you’ve gotten fat!” And she never remarked even once this weekend about the fact that he’s lost almost fifty pounds since she last saw him. I’ve always let those comments pass, but after this weekend, she’s gotten me really pissed off.
I was always raised to not be rude to my elders and not to talk back. And in order to keep the family peace, I won’t probably say anything to her. So allow me to just say: Aunt Alice, you are a fucking rude bitch! My mom may send stuff late, but at least she makes an effort to find out what people would like as a gift. Seriously, quit it with the bright pink socks and the electric blue purses…I’m 26 fucking years old! Send a check next time, or at least go to the trouble to ask what I like. And my reproduction is none of your damn business. Just because you spent your entire life being a house wife and mother (and I respect you for it), that doesn’t mean that your idea of the perfect life should be forced on anyone else. And finally, take your comments about my husband’s weight and shove them up your ass. You’re hardly one to talk, you pot-bellied bitch!
(I know it’s not much of a rant, but I had to get it out somewhere.)
