US Coast Guard 4 years. I know some don’t really consider that “Military,” but I got a DD-214 and everything.
You got a uniform that draws fire, boats that can return fire, and a DD-214. Sounds like military service to me. Coastie. 
USArmy 98G 1992-96
Veteran here. Joined Army National Guard in 1987. Called to active duty and sent to Iraq during Desert Shield/Storm. Completed my contract in 1993, then 2 more years Inactive Reserve.
Same here with respect to all of the above. They didn’t draft any of us 1954 babies; I think that was the first birth year where nobody got drafted for Vietnam as the war was winding down.
I wanted to try for a service academy appointment (USMA or USAFA, but I tore up my knee playing football, and was told essentially that I was SOL for getting a service academy appointment or a ROTC commission as a result, so I didn’t pursue it any further.
U.S. Navy Seabees, 1967-1990; retired as a Chief Petty Officer and Vietnam veteran (boots on the ground).
US Navy, 1975-1979. Total of 22 days at sea, went to Mazatlan and Acapulco.
One of my brothers was in The Coast Guard. You served.
Army (29-E radio repair)
USAF 1966-1970
Lackland AFB
Keesler AFB
Naha, Okinawa
Westover AFB
U.S. Navy 1991-2002 (active duty), in the submarine force (though I was in a shore billet teaching the last few years)
I was also in NROTC in college prior to my active duty service, which included three summers in the fleet for training, and was in the reserves (IRR) for a few years after my active duty service. I left active duty as a Navy Lieutenant (O-3), and was promoted to Lieutenant Commander (O-4) in the reserves.
I was an Army brat growing up, which encouraged me to join the military, but definitely NOT the Army. 
I originally wanted to be a fighter pilot, and the release of Top Gun cemented this desire. Unfortunately I found out that I needed glasses during my entrance physical, so that was out. I decided I wanted to go into the submarine force instead after reading The Hunt for Red October.
Me too. What language?
USAF, 1970-1978. Considered Vietnam Era Veteran, even though I never came close to combat
Usmc 1995-1999 (0311)
My brother was technically a Korean War vet. He joined the Army after the hostilities were over, but just in time to receive the National Defense Ribbon. It’s amusing that he always claimed publicly to be proud of his two years of Army time, but all he ever did was bitch about it in private.
I voted before seeing the OP conditions, so you need to remove my vote from having served in USAF.
There are those who have served in the armed forces of other nations.
There are no restrictions in the OP against serving in another country’s military. In what way did you serve that you think disqualifies you?
I’ve never been in the military. Being 41 years old and blind in one eye it’s unlikely to happen in the future.
Never say never. Desperation breeds strange soldiers.
Arabic. I used to be smart.