Um, I disagree. I’ve been to a 150k wedding, and there were no signs of a failure to launch. Both husband and wife were professionals (attorney and physician) and it was a gigantic Indian wedding that they and their families wanted. Being rich doesn’t make you childish.
How does getting money via WIC and welfare make you responsible for someone? I’m not some horrible person for thinking this either; I had a sociology professor a few years back who was big in the research of teenage mothers (and had been one herself) and she swore having a kid at 16 didn’t make her an adult, but getting her phd did. Obviously YMMV, but I’d rather not be called out for hating on teenage moms.
The kids thing is a false premise, because 20% women over 40 are childless (obligatory washpo cite). That combined with the 5-10% of the US population that’s gay (I know some can adopt, but many states make it illegal/prohibitive/expensive) and you have a considerable chunk of childless adults running around.
Expecting your parents to pay for your party is childish behavior, in my opinion. If you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t do it. Kinda like your outlook on having children.
Actually caring for a child requires many responsible behaviors aside from making money. Also, you’ll note that I specifically said that not having a child certainly doesn’t prevent one from being an adult.
Its a measure of population change rather than a comment on individuals.
And it does point out large scale changes that have happened as a society, which are interesting - it doesnt really mean we’re all children for longer, simply that life is longer now, and the pre-children/marriage phase of life in particular is tending to get longer.
I’ve done all except the last two. And because I can’t imagine that I’ll ever do those last two, then that means I’ll be eternally youthful!
I think it’s sad that those are standards for adulthood. Marriage is nothing but a social construct. How is a couple who’s been married for five months necessarily more mature than a couple who’s been shacking up together for five years? Also, plenty of people cannot have kids, due to biological or financial reasons. Are they not adults?
Out of everything in that list that makes me think “grown up” is being financially independent. If everything you’re wearing right at this minute, down to your socks and underwear, is something that cannot be traced back to Mommy and Daddy, then you’re grown up. If you pay rent or mortage on the floors you walk on, then you’re grown up. If you have ever held a life-sustaining job, then you’re a grown up. Even if you’ve never had a life-sustaining job but you have responsibilities that have a big impact on someone’s life such that you are able to survive through SSI (such as, being a long-term caregiver of a spouse or elderly parent), then you are a grown up.
You can put zero down for everything else, but as long as you meet the above, you’re a grown up in my eyes.
By this measure, my two friends who had a wedding purely because their parents wanted them to do it weren’t adults, even though they had both lived independently and been self-supporting for years. (They wanted a destination wedding with immediate family only, but his parents wouldn’t hear of it. I thought it was quite fair to say “you want us to do this, even though we don’t want it at all and are only willing to consider it to make you happy, so the least you can do it pay for it.”)
I have a master’s degree, and might someday get a PhD, but I don’t know - I was a PhD student for one term in Spring 2009, so I guess I haven’t finished school.
I lived “on my own” when I went to a out-of-state school for my undergraduate degree, but that doesn’t count for much. I lived in a graduate housing apartment “on my own” for a year until I ended up hospitalized for depression twice within that year. I’ve never been anything close to resembling financially independent during those times, and am even less so now.
I had a conversation with one of my professors that involved him telling me some aspect of my life I was having trouble with was just part of becoming an adult. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it really hit home that I don’t have what it takes to be an adult. I have absolutely no idea what I’d do without my mother, and while I’d probably have plenty of money to live on if she were to pass away, I’d be pretty much lost in terms of what to do. I have basically no intuition as to how society works at all, and generally have to ask my mother how I’m supposed to deal with stuff. I feel I will always need some one to guide me through life, because it’s all just too confusing. And while that could be a romantic partner, the longest relationship I’ve been in lasted around 3 months and while parts of my relationships were nice, I didn’t consider them worth my time and effort. I have little interest in seeking out others given the state of my life.
Ha! I like this. Unfortunately, I’m 8 year old pair of shorts on that I think my mother bought me at a swim meet in middle school :p. Everything else is mine though, which is representative of my real life; that I’m making headway but definitely not an adult yet.
I wish you luck and happiness in the future. I hope you’ve sought therapy after you hospitalization.
Have you finished school? No, I’m in a MA program now.
Moved out of the house? Yes, at 21.
Financially independent? Not really. Most of my income is student loans, and my parents give me a couple hundred a month to subsidize rent, pay for my cell phone, and let me use their third car (they pay the insurance, I pay for gas). That’ll probably continue for 2 more years while I finish my program.
Married? No.
Kids? No.
I consider myself still in the tweener stage, which seems to be extending longer and longer these days. My parents are upper-middle class and can easily afford to help me out at this point. If they could not, my circumstances would likely be much different.
It seems like these standards apply to a previous era, in which it was possible to decently support a family with a high school degree, and if you had a bachelor’s degree you were really something special.
I don’t have a firm grasp on whether this model doesn’t work anymore because people expect a higher standard of living or because there’s just a glut of over-educated people now. But seriously… if so many people didn’t feel they needed to accumulate huge amounts of debt and spend valuable years of their lives getting more degrees INSTEAD of being financially independent and getting down to whatever family-making they felt inclined to… and if only a high school degree really was something worth getting…
Yes, at 24, though I’d be more than willing to call a high school diploma having “completed school” if the person is satisfied with it.
Yes, at 18, the day after high school graduation. I was sick of being treated like an incompetent child roundabouts 15 or so, but I wanted to complete school in the same district.
Yes, see above. I’ve been self-supporting and working full-time since I turned 18.
No, and the “traditional definition” can ram this standard up its ass. Love is an emotion, not a damned contract, “adult” or otherwise. (This is a personal view; I have no problem with others getting married if they believe there’s value in it.)
No, and the “traditional definition”, having rammed the preceding standard into the depths of its bowels, can get creative with finding a place to wedge this one. I won’t say I’ll never have children (saying that particular word has a way of biting me in the ass), but I have no plans to do so, and it’d be a ridiculously immature decision for me to become a parent at present.
Then again, maybe the standard should stay as it is…I’ll gladly stay forever young.
1. Have you completed school?
High School at 18, living at home
Undergrad at 22, paid for by the USMC and loans
Grad School (MBA) at 34, still paying for it on the slow plan (at 1.75% interest, why not?)
2. Have you left home?
Pretty much moved out for college. Never went home for more than 2 weeks at a time after that.
3. Have you become financially independent?
Been on my own since I went to college. Left for college with a scholarship, a new truck, and some cash in the bank.
4. Have you married?
Married at 22.
5. Have you had a child?
Got two of them. First born when I was 25.
Well, I suppose it’s all a matter of how you see the world. Of course, I say being married and/or having children is not an automatic sign of maturity, and choosing not to isn’t an automatic sign of immaturity. And of course there are terrible immature parents, and married people, etc. I just don’t think *wanting *to have children is a sign of maturity at all. Typically (that’s the magic word), I say wanting to have a life partner is a sign of being a grown up. Your model varies, or whatever.
On paper, I think most people would say I’ve transitioned to adulthood.
I also know that I’ve had oreos for dinner. Recently. Because it didn’t really matter. I’m assuming that 4 & 5, being responsible to and for other people, probably would force a level of maturity that I don’t always have to have.
I know by my age, my parents didn’t blow things off as much as I do because they had three small kids to care for and each other to answer to and the kids needed things that an adult can work around.
Have you completed school?
No - working on a PhD program, but I get a livable stipend
Have you left home?
Yes - permanently (I hope!) at 22
Have you become financially independent?
Yes - also at 22
Have you married?
No - I’d like to eventually
Have you had a child?
No - I’d like to eventually
26, female
These standards irk me. I definitely don’t feel like I’m as much of an adult as someone who owns their own house or has children. At the same time, I know I grew up a lot in the year after I moved out of state and started making my own money. I am trying to be an adult and I feel like the things I have accomplished should count for something.
So, do each of these milestones require some growing up? I know 2 & 3 did for me.