…would be fun.
Dear Penthouse-
I never thought these letters were true. Last week, I was on a business trip to Philly. As I began counting the money from the heist, who should walk in but Elle MacPherson, wearing nothing but a robe…
And here I thought this going to be talking about the goings on at Dopetoberfest…
True. That is, unless they were some of those crisp new bills that you sometimes get out of bank machines.
Sex on top of them could result in some nasty paper cuts, lowering the overall degree of fun.
Oh Java… Dopetoberfest will be SO MUCH COOLER.
Believe me, it gets old after a while.
-Dave, I keep telling you, just like the sawdust in a hamster cage, you have to change the money once in a while or it gets icky and gross.
Speak for yourself, ya un-kinky heathen.
Come say that after you’ve got a bunch of paper cuts on your willie. 
Yeah, but think of how many people have touched that soft non-crisp bill.
no cuts on the willy; it’ll be protected by the supermodel!
no paper is going to cut through an entire supermodel!
I’m just here to throw iodine on Jack Batty.
Well, maybe Kate Moss.
George Best tells a story about the time when he was in just such a situation. Having won big at the casino in his hotel he takes some pagent beauty back to the room , spreads the money out and …weelll…you know. He orders some champagne afterwards and the bellhop arrives in his little uniform and is excited to see the once famous football player, he asks for an autograph and as GB is signing away , he pulls him aside a little and asks
“tell me Mr.Best , where did it all go wrong ?”
Does this have anything to do with that thread about the way money smells?
This may be why my mom told me not to put money in my mouth.
I gotta million of 'em, people!
If you do this, make sure you use paper money though, you don’t want a “sackie” going up anything. Or maybe you do, to be honest I don’t know you that well. Or anyone for that matter.
For me, the situation could be improved upon with a platter of sushi nearby, and being paid for my services.
…“and she proceeded to…”
…“and she proceeded to…”
“slowly count the money, ‘a one, a twenty, oohh, a two dollar bill!’”
“What would you do if you had a million dollars?”
“I’ll tell you what I’d do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.”
“That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?”
“Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.”
“Well, not all chicks.”
“Well the kind of chicks that’d double up on me do.”
“Good point.”