I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I have an acquaintence who frequently shows up at our family gatherings (he’s my sister-in-law’s long-time, live-in boyfriend) who seems to have sort of a passive-aggressive chip on his shoulder when I’m around.
He’s had sort of a sucky life, in that he’s in his late forties and divorced, stuck in a job that he hates, and has a rocky relationship with his teenage daughter. My own career isn’t a exactly a blazing success so far compared to where I feel I ought to be; but I enjoy my job at least, and apparently has a “professional” appearance he feels his job doesn’t. More importantly, I think he can see that my marriage is comparatively solid and I get along great with my preschooler.
That’s not to give myself any kind of credit – a lot of people have the same things and plus a more comfortable career & financial position, but all in all I’m pretty happy at home and enjoy spending time with my in laws for the holidays.
The only fly in the ointment is this guy – when I talk with him directly, he’s friendly enough, though he has kind of a tiresome prediliction for espousing conspiracy theories like vaccinations/autism and how big corporations are conspiring to put flouride in the water.
But it’s when I’m not talking with him that he just radiates these sulky self-pitying waves as he’s sitting on the couch, staring at the floor and hardly interacting with anyone, and I feel like he’s harboring some particular resentment for me as he sees me playing with my kid and being annoyingly affectionate with my wife. And this past Christmas, when I showed him the big playset I was setting up for my daughter, he just gave me this expressionless thousand yard stare and muttered, “nice.”
(He’s also the only other Westerner in the house, and has a hard time communicating with some other family members due to his limited Chinese language skills.)
It’s starting to kind of creep me out a little, and I wonder if he has some resentment toward me for having a bunch of things he’s missed out on. And given that his ex-wife went on to marry another foreigner in Taiwan and took over his role in their family business, I’m wondering if I’m sort of a stand-in for the guy he doesn’t want to confront (i.e., his daughter’s stepfather).
It’s a weird feeling – wondering what I can do about it, and whether the problem will get worse. Anybody else have this kind of experience?