Well, let’s see. There’s crying hell, shouting hell, laughing hell, sighing hell, looking annoyed hell, can’t-get-that-song-outta-my-head hell. There’s itchy hell, burny hell, cold hell, can’t-figure-out-where-that-draft-is-coming-from hell, screechy hell.
And that is but to name a few…
Don’t forget the one where you do nothing but read Chick tracts all day.
Ooo that’s the worst one of them all.
Now, now–that was clearly intended as a little “joke” by Smirking Mustachioed Gospel Guy “Bob”. Making fun of the newly paralyzed is always a Christian thing to do!
Actually, I thought Bruce looked kind of like Darth Vader with his helmet off at the end of Return of the Jedi in that panel–see, if Chick had any sense of drama, Bruce would have been saved by experimental cyborg technology, become the black-clad, respirator-breathing henchman of the Antichrist himself, along the way murdering millions in the service of the New World Order and offing Obi-Wob Mustachiobi in a duel to the death–I mean, Bob was even his old Sunday School teacher; “One of my brightest pupils…one of my greatest failures”–(of course Bob would Go On to a Better Place), before finally being redeemed by his own son.
As it was, a major downer of a tract–I mean, we had the hardened sinner at death’s door, Smirking Mustachioed Gospel Guy gives him the whole “quoting Bible passages” thing, during the course of which the poor crip says "“I’m afraid to die!”, “Does [God] hate me now?” “Is there NO hope?”…and Bob still doesn’t complete the sale. Frankly, I think Bob is losing his touch.
Well, he’s running out of hip slang to sling around. There’s only so much of that in the English language.
I can’t speak for the translations…
As well as Bloody Hell.
::d&r::
Don’t they call that “Fundamentalism”?
I didn’t see the “NOOOOOOOOOO!”.
There’s also treading in dog shit hell, getting overcharged at the burger bar hell and having a poor memory for names hell.
It was pretty decent of those gangsters to drop him off at his front door after breaking his neck, most times the guy just disapears never to be seen again. At least he was allowed to be saved and… well not saved but rescued.
No wonder this guy is so miserable, he’s been beaten up jailed for wearing a purse beaten up again and then while dying in a slow agony Bob shows up to make fun of his broken neck and tell him he’ll be dead by the morning. If that is a typical day for this guy I don’t blame him for being a jerk.
I hate the last minute panel… “And then he died and got what he deserved.” Looks like the last few seconds of the poochy episode where they added the hand written he died disclaimer.
My guess was it was originally a happy ending. Needed the Giant Faceless GodTM telling him “be gone thou acursed blah blah blah” This should be followed with the guy frying like cheap bacon while a cartoon Devil gives him the old HAW HAW HAW!
How sad is it that I knew this was a Chick thread just from the title?
The scariest words in the English language: “Hello, Bob ‘you’re dead meat, Bruce’ Williams here!”
Is it just me or was anyone else expecting bob to jump into a wood-pannelled station wagon “Chickmobile” just after He gets the phone call?
“Holy Heathens Bob! Its an unbeliever emergency!”
“To the chick-mobile. Let’s Roll.”
You know, just for the record, I have never been able to make it the whole way through a chick tract. NEVER. How do you guys stomach this shit? Even for the “humor” of it (it does seem to come out of national lampoon) – makes me wanna barf by the 3rd ir 4th panel.
Guess i’m just NOT a true doper.
::sniff::sniff::
That is so nasty and mean-spirited. Exactly how many people convert to this close-minded brand of Xianity after reading this trash?
I think he gives all true Christians a bad name.
" . . . how many people convert to this close-minded brand of Xianity after reading this trash?"
—Ummm, His4Ever? Any input on this one?
Hee hee the Chick mobile. That’s the last thing I expected Bob to call his car.
Oh Yes Chick Tracts are bile inducing and so the only way to deal with evil such as this is to ridicule it. It reduces the power of the twisted message when you can’t take it seriously.
This one is not as bad as the usual, “Catholics are evil, scientists are decievers, all non Chritians are gonna burn no matter what, and the only good Christian is the one who does things out of fear of the afterlife rather than love of the over all message” Chick story. But it still has its moments.
By the way “Jesus is a Mummy?!”
was the funniest comments I heard. Then I thought about how similar the stories were, come to think of it Jesus is a lot like the Mummy. He was put to death for loving too much, he was put in a tomb and he came back from the dead to wreak Horrible deadly vengeance upon those who disturbed his rest.
I’m going to hell aren’t I
Not if she’s smart, Eve.
So Bruce died at 3:20 in the morning, and dispatched to burning hell. If only God had waited a few more hours so Bruce could wake up and give that preacher a chance to convince him to repent. I guess God doesn’t really want Bruce after all. The prodigal son was assassinated by agents of the father in his sleep in the pig pen and won’t be coming home. Utter blasphemy.
You’d think if mom had $26000 lying around in her purse she could aford a better hospital, it gave him pneumonia and was a pig pen
You know, will tossing a quadraplegic into a lake of fire really accomplish anything? I mean, he wouldn’t feel it unless his head were immeresed or something.
Bruce dies at 3:20, huh? Any connection to the 4:20 pot thing?
Is ol’ Jack sticking a double meaning in on us?
All in all a pretty good effort. I especially like the twist ending, where the sinner does not succumb to Bob the swarthy pedophile and drop to his knees begging forgiveness. Like others, I would’ve like to see Bruce tossed into hell rather than just the unfulfilling coda, but maybe that’s just being greedy.