Or their motivation for thinking like they did, could have been completely innocent. :rolleyes:
I agree that the statement usually is meant in a snarky way.
But is it an inherently snarky thing to say? What if the two guys in the OP are gay themselves?
I think the term "doesn’t know’ means that they’re fitting a lot of the stereotypical behaviors, but are still persisting in identifying as straight.
In some cases, this is actually the truth, where the person in question either is not even admitting that there is a closet, much less that they’re in it, or where they honestly don’t know what gay is (like **SantaMan **describes).
In others, it’s more of a recognition that they fit a lot of the stereotypes, and nobody really knows what their orientation actually is. I have a friend who, while identifying as straight, hasn’t had a girlfriend, or even more than a handful of dates in total over the 16 years I’ve known him, lives in the gay part of town, and is a very design-conscious, fashion-conscious foodie architect. He doesn’t ping the gaydar at all, other than the peripheral things like where he lives, no girlfriend and fashion-consciousness. People do say that he’s in the closet, or that he just doesn’t realize he’s gay yet.
And for others, it’s more derogatory than anything.
Be careful about that. It can stick in your head.
Indicia of gayness is an odd subject. Years ago, in high school, I once mentioned that the original Broadway cast of “Anything Goes,” starred Ethel Merman as Reno Sweeney and Victor Moore as Moonface Martin. (We had just watched “Airplane!” in which Merman has a cameo as a PTSD war veteran who think’s he’s Ethel Merman).
And I was told that if I know the cast of old Broadway shows, I must be gay.
So… maybe I am, but my denial thus far is pretty effective. I still like showtunes.
Maybe the speaker was planning on seducing him.
“He doesn’t know he’s gay… yet” winkwink*
Probably not but I have heard homosexuals make the “One night with me and he’d come over…” style joke before.
I had two family members approach me this year to tell me it’s ok with them if I was gay.
On the other hand: Amy Pond "He's Gay" - YouTube
My sister often said of a guy we knew: “Does he know he’s gay yet?” He liked musicals and he was very fussy about his appearance and he wasn’t particularly “manly” - whatever that means. While I agree he fit some stereotypes, he also had a gay brother who was out and completely accepted by his family, so that wouldn’t have been a reason to stay closeted.
He’s on his second marriage (both times to women) not that it necessarily means anything. Regardless of his sexuality, it did irritate me that my sister would make such a declaration about something that really wasn’t any of her business. My opinion of the guy wouldn’t have changed either way - I didn’t much like him anyway.
I’d just be upset that she apparently doesn’t know about asexuality. You are currently asexual, by definition. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
These sorts of terms are not something that describe your entire life. They describe you right now. Sure, there are a few people who seem to just switch the term due to the sex of their current partner, which I think would be a bit overkill, but you can very much find your sexuality (or lack thereof) changing over time.
I had a friend who did not know he was gay. All his attempts to date women (which seemed rather indiscriminate, BTW–it just seems to matter if they asked him) lasted only two weeks.
The funny thing is that he constantly joked about women and how obsessed they would get with the boyfriends, and the stupid things they would do when younger. Then when he met his first gay partner, he did the exact same thing, to the point that it was the reason they broke up. And it repeated with the next one before he started putting it together. Realizing he was gay and having a partner he was actually attracted to was too much for him to think straight, I guess.
Anyways, there were people saying that he didn’t know he was gay, and I remember thinking that was jerkish. And while they may have meant it that way, they did turn out to be factually correct.
I will confess to knowing 2 guys in college that I was convinced were gay and would one day realize it. Given that I went to a small conservative college in SC and both of the guys were good Southern boys, there was definitely no ‘college experience’ that would give them an opportunity to find out. One of them was of the “so homophobic he MUST be gay” variety. The other guy may have just been a metro-sexual and I wasn’t as certain of his being gay as the first guy.
I’ve actually tried to find them on FB to see if I was right. The possible metro guy did marry a woman, so I will assume he is straight or at least on the hetero end of the scale. The other guy I couldn’t find, but since I can’t remember his last name, I have only myself to blame.
Maybe they are. We’ll never know.
That said, I could see two gay guys joking about their straight friend that way. In fact, I have seen it.
And she wouldn’t disagree. But it is a rather unusual thing to be, so she thinks there is a possibility I could be denial. I think she says it to let me know that it’s alright to toy with the idea, at least. I don’t think I am in denial. But then again, no one ever does.
If it were a frequent thing, I probably would be pissed off.
I’d say their heterosexuality is circling the drain, but what do I know? I don’t even know that I’m gay. 
In a strange way that’s rather sweet. It’s good to know you have supportive and loving family members even if they’re completely misguided.
I should add that it’s never bothered me one iota if people think I’m gay. People have also at various points assumed I was Jewish, Canadian and Alan Ruck(?), none of which are true either.
I’ve heard, and used, the statement “If he’s not gay, it’s a waste of natural talent.”
It’s usually said about a stranger who exhibits some of the gay stereotypes.
Yeah, I wasn’t upset about it. I come from a really religious family and I think all the recent rulings has been making them think about their positions and they’ve become more tolerant. Like the recent nerdgasm we’re experiencing in movies, I’m just assuming the rest of the world is catching up to me.
I think it would be quite challenging to frequent the rather freewheeling conversations about sexuality that we have on this board, and remain in a state of denial about one’s own sexual identity for very long.
When I was younger some people thought I was gay because I didn’t date much and was “nice” (no, I don’t want this thread to become a nice guy debate). The reason I didn’t date was a debilitating fear of rejection. I like women. A lot. It really wasn’t a problem for someone to think I was gay unless it was a woman I would have liked to date, or someone who might tell a woman interested in me “oh, he’s gay.”