Close range was pretty much what I was picturing in my head at the time. But now I’m thinking, how hard would it be to spin around in a circle several times and throw the sousaphone, à la the hammer throw? Or, hire a couple guys in kilts, and do a caper toss with the sousaphones. More mass → more momentum → more pain. That’s why I’d want a sousaphone on my team. Maybe a couple trombones. You could poke poke with the slide.
Great, now I’ve got a mental image of two orchestras pitching a huge war in some big auditorium… :smack: 
Well, he hasn’t been active on the SDMB in over a day and a half. Maybe we are catching a break.
What, you never heard of a Battle of the Bands? 
[Austin Powers]Ouch, baby. Very ouch.[/Austin Powers]
Maybe he can’t figure out how to unlock his computer.
That’s a bad thing?
I’m sure it is for someone.
Just roll the D20 already! for peter’s sake
What is the damage bonus on a sousaphone, anyways? 
Perhaps a homeless woman came in off the street and posted using his name.
On the contrary, coronets make excellent ranged weapons, especially with those sharp little points on them - the weight of the rubies tends to counteract any wind drift: they’re akin to what Xena used to throw. I didn’t know they came with bells, though: perhaps the gentle tinkling as they come scything through the air in an inexorable arc of death helps paralyse opponents with fear.
Course, ya gotta get ‘em offa the duchesses first, and them ladies don’t go down easy, nosiree: one shot, one kill, that’s all ya got, ‘cos there ain’t nothin’ more dangerous than a wounded duchess with a coronet at stake chargin’ ya. For that kinda accuracy and stoppin’ power yer lookin’ at a saxamaphone, minimum.
Meh, duchesses go down easy if you know how to handle a violin. You get the bow seated just right on the G string, and one good pluck will send it straight through the heart. Drops 'em like a fortepiano on the head.
Me, I’ve got a cello and I’m not afraid to use it.
Duchesses go down easier after a few drinks, ya ask me.
But you’re all off-base. As anyone who has watched the video for “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by the Darkness, power chords are capable of blowing up ginormous space-squids and are therefore probably just enough firepower to take down someone so vile and able to endure punishment as someone who was in a relationship with Kel.
Debate welcome. But I still say you’re gonna need a lot more than just some brass and reeds to drop a beast like that.
I think I’d go in go with a bassoon. Sure, you’d have to get in close, but you could apply a good ‘whack’ with it. Plus, based on the sound it makes when played, I have to think it makes an even funnier sound when you hit space mutants in the head with it.
This thread has turned into reason #204,782 to resubscribe to this message board.
That was brilliant. I just nearly wet myself at work.
Is Hotblack Desiato still dead right now, or is his year up? I’m sure his music would be destructive enough.
Isn’t there an old saw about casting pearls before swine?
For some reason, this reminded me that I originally thought Mister “Kiss from a Rose” was thinking about getting kicked by a rose.
So how about those woodwinds? Could you take out a giant space mutant squid with an oboe or a crazed goat with a bassoon?
I’ve met very few goats in real life, but I have vivid recollections of Scylla’s posts about the goat he used to have on the farm. The one that fucked a chicken to death. So I’m thinking you might need more than a bassoon.
According to this dairy goat site: “For large breed male goats, they are in average as follows: 1 month-25 lb., 3 months-55 lb., 6 months-85 lb., 9 months-110 lb., 12 months-130 lb., 18 months-155 lb., 24 months-170 lb., 36 months-205 lb. For smaller breeds and females, these standards are less, proportionate to the lesser adult body weight.”
A Bassoon on the other hand is normally a little over four feet long, and not very pointy on either end.
But I’m sure the Bassoon Prime Device 110K could take out the giant space mutant squid *and * a crazed goat. :eek:
