The advise seems all over the map here. I still believe your best first step is to speak to a lawyer.
Boyo Jim wrote
Absolutely incorrect. The email is a professional one, related to company behaviour. By sending it, she is making clear that there is no personal relationship, that this sort of behaviour in the work environment is not appropriate, and that if proper workplace behaviour does not begin, correction will be required in the workplace.
Your advice, that she should be afraid of her employer punishing her when she insists that he stop harrassing her on company time is very very poor. It was up there with saying “don’t call the police, they may be in on it too.”
You’re completely wrong. If you’re going into a dispute on the job, you do or say NOTHING that violates company policy as a matter of matter of course. If she sends an email filled with various personal reasons why she does not want to see him (i.e., he didn’t leave his wife as promised, he’s not the kind of guy she thought he was, whatever), she is violating company policy by sending out personal emails. It’s easily avoided by using a piece of stationery and the US post office. Or hell, the in box on his desk.
It’s more like, if you call the police, don’t meet them at the door smoking a joint. And if you don’t know the internal politics of the company very well, don’t hand out free leverage against yourself.
My personal feeling is that you should speak to an attorney before you have any (or many) more exchanges with the asshole.
I agree with Bill H. on this subject. However, I also want to stress again that you should get the advice of a professional (not us.) I don’t want to harp on this, so this will be my last post on this subject. But please, keep in mind that this man is breaking the law! He has not right to do what he is doing. The laws of the USA are behind you.
Isabelle, please contact your regional bar referral service (see links at the bottom of this page). They are a non-profit organization which can set up a half-hour visit with an attorney that specializes in sexual harassment cases. You will be charged a nominal fee, usually around $35.[sup]00[/sup] for the consultation. It will be the best money you have ever spent.
Do this right away. Bring any and all documents, letters and other evidence that you have. DO NOT withhold any information from the lawyer. The attorney will need every bit of data in order to best advise you. It would be most useful if you can compose a summary of the information involved. Try to have it written out as a brief one page report with all important items bulleted. Provide a brief history with dates and descriptions of any documents you can provide.
It is obvious that you are going through some major stress. This is not good for you or your child. It can also affect your health and job performance, neither of which you can afford to have happen right now. DO NOT contact this jerk’s wife. DO NOT send him an email or written warning. DO NOT speak to him about this until you have consulted with an attorney. You may easily damage your case and render yourself legally vulnerable.
While it represents instant grounds for a wrongful termination lawsuit, this has not stopped many companies from discharging a person who makes allegations of sexual harassment. Doing so gives you an aura of not being a “team player.” All of this can have an adverse impact on your career and future job prospects.
Too many important aspects of your life are at stake for you to neglect talking with a lawyer. Please do so immediately.
Here are some links:
Private Attorney Involvement This is a pro bono attorney recruitment group but they may be able to help you if no one else can.
Greater Orlando Area Legal Services
Telephone: 1-800-342-8011 for THE FLORIDA BAR LAWYER REFERRAL service, or call local legal aid or lawyer referral in yellow pages to assist in finding an attorney.
Here’s the PAI link again.
There’d be lawyers lined up around the block willing to take it on contingency. Gloria Alred would have a field day with it. Even if she were a bad employee and deserved firing, the timing would make the company look very bad.
I want to make an additional comment, that may be completely incorrect. Every time I see the this post title, it strikes me as weird because it’s so different from what the actual post is. The title talks about the dilemna of whether to be his mistress or not, and the post talks about sexual harassment.
Which makes me wonder (strongly) if he really knows that you don’t want to see him. I know you say you’ve been very clear, but I wonder if a third party would see it that way, or if he sees it that way.
Remember that if a guy pursues you aggressively and you like him it’s usually viewed as a good thing, and if you don’t like him it’s harassment. The difference is purely in how you view him. Therefore, it’s critical that when you don’t like him that you make it absolutely clear to him. I hope you have, and that if you haven’t, that you do so immediately.