No not that head. I mean people playing with your mind. Recently, I answered a personal ad on Yahoo. This woman stated that she was looking for a long term/short term relationship. So am I. After talking back and forth for a while, I learned that I knew her. Same town. So I ask her out. She says she doesn’t date ** anybody **. WTF? She wants a relationship but she doesn’t date anybody? How is that even remotely possible? If she doesn’t want to date just me, I can accept that. No problem. I was looking for a woman when I found her. But why the head games and deception? Couldn’t she just say “I’m not interested in you?” Why do some women and some men do these things? Is it just for the thrill of it or do they get off on it?
I have been out of dating circulation for a long time but have times changed that much?
Well, this is kind of a canned answer, but here goes:
Women/girls have been trained not to “be rude” and not to “hurt anybody’s feelings,” and to “be nice.” Y’know, it’s the whole “an assertive man is confident, an assertive woman is a bitch” thing. So this woman probably didn’t want to go out with you for whatever reason, but in an effort to “be nice” she lied to you and told you that she didn’t date.
There are plenty of women out there who don’t act this way. You’ll find one soon. Good luck.
When you say that you “talked” to her, do you mean over the phone? Or through email/icq/aim/etc.? Because sometimes, not often, but sometimes, that person on the other end isn’t who you think it is. So, maybe when that person you talked to was asked to reveal themself, they backed down, and took the “I don’t date anyone” route.
Well, if I were to use my experience in private investigation to discover her phone number, it could be taken the wrong way!
e.g.
me: “hi there”!
her: “how did you get this number”?
me: “uh I just called a friend, ran your name/called your place of employment/etc.”
her: " go away stalker"!!
As I said, I discovered that I knew her. And she knows me. In fact, we work for the same company, but in seperate buildings and departments. That in itself should probably have made me say to forget it, but it didn’t. She does have a lot of baggage, so to speak. (4 failed marriages, for one thing) When I answered her ad, I did not know it was her or even that she worked for the same company. It is obvious that she is probably not perfect. But I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
So I asked her out to dinner. After telling me that she would go only if her 11 year old son also went, she told me that she didn’t date. At one point she told me not to love her. Why would I do that if I had never even dated her once? Who knows. I have decided that either she has some very serious problems or she has built an extremely high wall around herself because of her past that when somebody gets even remotely close, the brakes come on and everything comes to a screeching halt. I am thinking that the best way to handle this is to let her make the next move, if in fact there is a next move.
Since my divorce 12 years ago, I have devoted all that time to raising my 3 kids by myself. I have never even dated one time. Now they are raised, the youngest are 18 (twins). And this is what happens right out of the gate. Makes me wonder if I should even bother anymore, if this is how it is these days. The last time I asked a woman for a date was 23 years ago. I guess times have really changed.
Or, MikeG, I suppose one could assume that the woman in question is mulling it over, not checked her email for a while, very busy, or any combination of these three. I think that once she sees on a message board that she’s already been condemned for assumed behaviour, she will definitely lose interest, though.
**And I think, yes, it IS for the thrill of it. The ego boost.
I think Prozac has a song about this… **
Hahaha. I just had the strangest image of some large older woman in a MooMoo at computer singing… "Sucks to be you… I know its true… "
Bwahahaha.
I think I need a nap.
I know I am a day late and a dollar short, but IMO, you were lucky and should be thanking your lucky stars. Think about it, what if she said yes and then you found out she had issues that needed more attention than you are able/willing to deal with. She did you a favor. There are women out there looking for a good man.
Next time try the produce department of your supermarket.
“Next time try the produce department of your supermarket.”
[homer voice]mmmmm, big juicy melons [/homer voice]
At least I am able to let it go and not dwell on it. I don’t think she meant anything bad by it. She is more than likely just like me. She wants to go out, but when it comes right down to it, she is afraid to. Probably overly cautious, as am I. Neither she nor I want to get burned again. Something we both need to get over. But it will take time.
