headlines: Mangetout (IT manager) slaughters 2 retail staff in PC world carnage

The BBQ Pit
1

Pay no attention to that sound, it’s just the noise of my temples throbbing.

All I wanted was a printer, well actually, no, I wanted to be able to use the printer, so I have to get a cable too. It’s not an expensive printer, not USB 2.0 compliant, so I only need an ordinary cable…

Scene 1; Mangetout wanders forlornly about the store, attempting to solicit the advice of the staff, who take pains to avoid him, eventually an unsuspecting drone is cornered…
“Excuse me, do you sell ordinary USB cables?”
“Yes sir, right here”
“I see… these are all gold-plated-high-performance-extended-life-USB-2.0-compliant-super-conducting-strontium-reinforced-hyper-shielded-mega-cables, I just want an ordinary USB cable”
“But these are so much better”
“I only have USB 1, I just want an ordinary USB cable”
“It’s OK, these are fully backward-compatible”
“Yes, it’s just that…”
“They will work with USB 1 or 2, didn’t you know that?”
“YES, I ACTUALLY FUCKING KNEW THAT, I SIMPLY OBJECT TO PAYING £20+ FOR A SODDING PRINTER CABLE, OK?, THE CSAME SODDING CABLE THAT IN ANY SANE UNIVERSE WOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE BOX WITH THE PRINTER!”
(Mangetout decides to get the cable elsewhere on the way home, but the printer is a good price here, so here goes…)

Scene 2: Mangetout places a boxed printer on the checkout…
“That will be £89.99 please sir”
(Mangetout counts out some crisp banknotes and hands them over)
“Would you like to take out [ridiculously expensive] extended warranty on this item sir?”
“Thank you, no”
“And If I could just take your name and address…”
“Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t”
“(lamely) It’s for the system, I have to enter something”
“Sorry about that, but it’s personal information and I’d rather keep it that way”
(deep resentful sigh)
(slowly and painstakingly types "CUSTOMER[sub]<[ENTER>[/sub]REFUSES TO[sub]<ENTER>[/sub]DIVULGE NAME[sub]<ENTER>[/sub]AND ADDRESS[sub]<ENTER>[/sub]DETAILS)
(Silently and without making eye contact, hands change to Mangetout and turns to serve next customer)

DOES IT HAVE TO END THIS WAY?
ME DISEMBOWELLING MEMBERS OF YOUR STAFF AND SMEARING THEIR ENTRAILS OVER THE CASH REGISTER?
ME VIOLENTLY TEARING OFF THE HEAD OF THE TERRIFIED [ASSISTANT DEPUTY ASSISTANT DEPUTY ASSISTANT SECTION]MANAGER AND PUSHING IT FAR UP HIS OWN ARSE?

2

No, but I would have paid $29.95 to watch it on Pay-Per-View.

:smiley:

3

Good rant, I feel your pain. Glad you kept it virtual. :wink:

4

Good rant. You’ve just described every customer interaction I’ve ever had at a Best Buy or CompUSA. It’s taken a while, but I think I’ve finally cracked their corporate business plan:

Step 1: Hire a large herd of 16-year olds.
Step 2: Outfit them in brightly colored polo shirts.
Step 3: Train them to do only three things: sell you expensive items which far exceed your stated needs (I love listening to the PC salespeople explain to some old lady why she should fork over the extra $1000 for the absolute fastest processor and video card), harrass you about the rip-off extended warranty like they are telemarketers-in-training, and offer to help customers up to the point of purchase (using the first two skills), at which point they leave to fetch the item and never return.

They’re evil, and they must be stopped.

5

Or, you could just snogg him in front of all the customers. That’d show him.

6

They tried the warranty thing on a friend of mine lately; the line was something to the effect “but these sort of things aren’t built to last nowadays, you neeeeed the extended warranty because it will probably break down after about 18 months and then you’ll be faced with an expensive repair bill”

There is only one correct response, please learn it:
“Bollocks!, I’m not buying this trash then”(walk out)

7

No I think the correct response is “Then why the hell are you selling this crap and why doesn’t it come with a warranty that actually maybe helpful ALREADY!!..I’m off to find somewhere with crap that lasts longer”

8

So what’s the address of this branch of PC World, where the staff know how much things cost and speak English? Or are you keeping that a closely guarded secret?

9

I also should probably vent my boiling anger about KVM switches; I need to get one of these so that My desk PC and the server that I have to look after can share a monitor and keyboard, but again, the BLOODY CABLES HAVE TO BE PURCHASED SEPARATELY!! Why would anyone ever buy a KVM and not require the cables to connect it?

10

You’re an IT manager, and yet you still entered a branch of PC world.

Sorry my friend, but you brought this upon yourself. You can’t even claim ignorance as an excuse.

11

VNC is your friend. Besides not needing the KVM, you will also have a suitable work desktop in your task bar that, with one tiny click, can hide that you are actually reading the SDMB.

:slight_smile:

12

I phoned Dixons the other week to ask if they had any microfilters - I had just signed up for a ‘wires only’ broadband account as I already had a modem. The man who answered the phone told me they didn’t have any microfilters but they did have USB extender cables. Baffled, I thanked him and decided to try going to the shop personally. When I did, a woman who served me came back with exactly the same response - a USB extension cable was apparently just what I needed. Needless to say, I immediately called the police and had the entire staff arrested and taken downtown for a damn good kicking.

Is it simply that they have no idea what they’re talking about, or are they trained to flog whatever product of which they have too many in stock, or perhaps they know how prone I am to killing sprees and are trying to push me over the edge again?

13

I confess! I come from a broken home!

(actually my boss sent me out to “get an inkjet printer today” - I wasn’t trying to buy the KVM there, honest)

14

You know, the world really should work like that. I want a legal system where people can be charged under the “Talking absolute bollocks with intent of sale” act of 1978, or the “Telesales people who call just as that movie you were looking forward to all day started” act of 1984. It would be a good and fair world, with far more happiness.