Mother’s Day is just around the corner. And since I’m the first Doper with a maternal name to come up with the idea, I think I’m due some accolades, appeciation, and, of course, gifts. I shall shoulder the burden of representing all Doper moms, because, well, that’s just the sort of thing that a mom would do for her dear ones.
So, dear ones, here I am, in my maternal apron, having just slaved over a hot stove following a day of washing and ironing your clothes and keeping your house clean. I don’t ask for much - just a little recognition of my motherliness.
And I certainly don’t expect to be accused of being an attention whore. That’s not something to call a mom. Now where are my chocolates and flowers, dagnabbit???
PS - Happy Mother’s Day to all us Doper Moms. Group hug!!!
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Notice how I’m the first to post. That shows that I care more than the rest. When you’re doing your will, it’s DeadlyAccurate, all one word.
Thank you for your support in times of strife, and making me laugh and snort hot coffee. Always there with a wise (ass) comment, or listening ear, you are the bestest virtual mom ever!!!
Being first is good. Being first with a gift is better. But that’s OK. Don’t worry about it. You’re busy - you don’t have time to pick up a card or anything. You’ll still always be first. jellytoes, that’s very heartwarming. Not as warm as a nice bathrobe might have been. But it’s not a big deal. I appreciate the thought.
swampy, dear, words fail me. At least for now. I’ll get back to you.
vunderbob, you scamp! You shouldn’t make Mom blush so!
Now, everyone sit down and I’ll make some sandwiches. No, no, I’ll get the milk, too. Just sit there and stay out of my way as I mother my way around.
Of course I know you were caesarian, lieu - the toga and leafy wreath gives it away every time. Now go wash your hands before you come to the table, there’s a dear.
Ah, DeVena, my new favorite! Such a lovely card! I can see you put a lot of work and thought into it. Here, you can have first pick of the fresh brownies. Such a sweetheart you are…
I made you pretty tissue flowers and I worked REAL hard on them 'cause you’re so special and all. See how pretty they are? There’s red, yellow, purple and pink! I hope you like my bouquet!
Goodness, Hal Briston, that’s a very large and, um, heavy ashtray. I think I’ll pass on taking up smoking, but it will be perfect for pocket change, on the rare occasions that I have a little change left over after stocking the pantry and buying school supplies and paying doctor bills…
And nobody likes a snitch, dear. Have a cookie.
jellytoes, no need to get snitty. I didn’t chastise you for not catching my subtle hints, did I??? HMMMM?
The guy gave me a phone number to call if you got any in your eyes, or accidentally ingested any. He said to keep it off of any painted surfaces, too. And out of direct sunlight. And open flames. And away from pets. And edible items.
