heatherlee, a question...

Hey, if I put your SO’s username in a thread, then it’s only fair to put yours in, right?

I do have a real question, though. In the cybersex/cheating thread, you mentioned that you thought cybering is cheating. What exactly do you think of porn? Or going to a strip joint? I’m not trying to pick a fight, honestly, but I’m curious as to when/where the line is drawn. Other ladies (or men) feel free to respond as well; I chose heatherlee simply because her post prompted this topic.

I would hazard a guess that the interaction is what causes an activity to be labeled cheating. In such cases, I would expect that magazines and videos and websites wouldn’t fall under this category, since they’re generally aimed at lonely guys who want to sling a little yogurt. But strip clubs, phone sex, and cybering probably would, as they do require at least a modicum of interaction between the man and woman (or man and man, woman and woman, man and jar of mayonnaise, you get the picture).

However, you raised the point that you felt it was cheating because it gave the other person the feeling, spoken or unspoken, that they were not enough to satisfy certain desires. In this context, it follows that looking at another woman in a sexual way would be cheating; e.g., if the person was getting all they wanted at home, they really shouldn’t need to look.

Again, this is not a flame. I’m really, honestly curious about what you and anyone else thinks about this.

“I’m still here, asshole!”-Angus Bethune

ok here is the deal…as for porn I would be offended if someone looked at it all the time. with porn you cant actually TALK to this person. The porn is usually on the net or TV set. so no REAL harm there. as for I guess what you would call cyber sex, thats real, thats you with another real live individual that you can have the potential to meet if you really wanted to. Thats where I draw the line. I guess if someone wants to watch porn once in awhile that wouldnt bother me cause of the reasons I stated above. As long as its not all the time, and if this was the ONLY way the male could get an erection then there would be a big problem. I am the type of person that needs to know I am enough for someone. That they dont need to resort to other methods to get aroused. Nor do they need to have cyber sex with someone else on the net. There is too many other things to worry about in a relationship, then having to add on your hubby or spouse jerking off to some chicks pic that lives right down the road from you.
As for looking at other women and what not I dont care. as long as the person I am with doesnt stare drool or masterbate with me standing there or make lude comments, feel free to look. Its human nature. But I dont wanna hear about if you think a female is all that and a bag of chips. Keep it to yourself out of respect for the person you are with. because I know i sure would never shove someone I thought was nice looking in the man I am with at the time’s face.

I hope this answered your question I tried the best I could… please feel free to ask me anything else you would like to know or discuss. Thanks!

Love Always,
Heather Lee

But strip clubs, phone sex, and cybering probably would, as they do require at least a modicum of interaction between the man and woman (or man and man, woman and woman, man and jar of mayonnaise, you get the picture).
I think you answered your question right there :slight_smile:

Love Always,
Heather Lee

I disagree about strip clubs.

No, I don’t go. I find them to be a silly waste of money.

But as far as interaction goes, there’s hardly any, and I don’t think it’s cheating.

Yer pal,

I found this surfing, thought it was a riot.

Is cybersex cheating? If not, where can I get some?
Hideous Talking Man in My Computer.

Dear Man,
Why don’t you ask your wife? Say, “Honey, I want to have cybersex with someone I met online. She - if she is, in fact, a she - and I will share something very intimate and special that you cannot be a part of, and I will need some kleenex, but I want you to know that I love you - I just don’t need you for sex anymore, because I met this person on-line, and I find the idea of having imaginary sex with her to be far more erotic and exciting then having any sort of actual physical contact with you. Can you understand me, sweetheart? Again, I love you, but I am a sick, sick freak, and there is something seriously wrong with me, and I probably never should have been born, but now I want to abuse myself while making lewd comments to a woman I have never met and who probably isn’t even a woman but is actually a fifteen year-old boy from Schenectady who is having a laugh at my expense, but even so, I find this activity to be MUCH MORE GRATIFYING than any sort of real intimacy with you, my wife, and I hope you understand this. Again, I love you. Now, please, could you go in the other room? I just got an IM.”

well guess once again it depends on the stip club you attend and the frequentcy. I know the strip club I went to in Canada the men were ALL over you. Groping grabbing you in certain areas of the body, and hell I even seen the men kiss a few women there. and not just a quick peck on the lips either. and this was just the normal dance. we had a good view of the lap dance room where we sat. I wont even go there with what happened to some of the women there.

Love Always,
Heather Lee

Satan: depends on the club. I always sat and talked to the guys, myself. Hell, if it was a slow night, I’d sit and talk for an hour sometimes with the same guy!

Then there are guys who pay you to sit and talk… I remember a guy in Ft. Worth who paid me about $500 one night to sit with him for about 2 hours. I dance 2 or 3 times for him during that time.
So that is one kind of “interaction”…

Then there are some very VERY touchy feely clubs out there. I’ve seen oral sex under the table, full body contact touching, and had a guy try to suck my breast turing a dance [all of this in Houston before they cracked down]. ICKY!

“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site: http://opalcat.com
The Teeming Millions Homepage: fathom.org/teemingmillions

If it’s something you don’t want your SO to know about, then it’s cheating.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

I couldnt agree with you more!

Love Always,
Heather Lee

‘ok here is the deal…as for porn I would be offended if someone
looked at it all the time.’

Oh, wow, does that include looking at the pictures of you that you posted on the net, dear?

I think maybe we are stretching the definition of cheating to its breaking point.

How about this: Any activity that you would hide from your mate or that would cause you to lie to your mate is an inappropriate activity. This is, of course, assuming the relationship is based on trust and that you are playing for keeps.

Opalcate - While I do not deny that that kind of interaction is possible, I maintain that all of them had to cough up a pretty penny for the attention.

Every time I’ve been in s strip club (can count them on less than two hands), most people bought their rediculously-priced drinks and watched some naked girls.

And I would venture to say that a) Most people are like this and b) Nobody at the club FORCES someone against their will to have any more interraction than they want.

well Handy…as for the pics…did you see nipples or pubic hair?? I think not. I was clothed somewhat or covered. if you have such an issue with it then you know what you shouldnt have looked. also, those pics are off now that Brian and I are serious about one another. I made the decision to take them off of my web page…not that its ANY of YOUR business.

Love Always,
Heather Lee

and handy dont EVER EVER EVER call me “dear” again

Love Always,
Heather Lee