What IS it with men? Now that there’s E-mail, they have MORE ways not to get in touch with us!
I have been waiting three weeks for two guys to get back to me. One is that guy I met in a casino in New Orleans; the impression was that we would, umm, “hit it off” on his next business trip to NY. But I also told him—truthfully—that I might be able to help him place a story in my magazine (he’s in PR).
The second guy is a musician for a local band I like, and I told him (truthfully, again) that I’d like to buy some of his work.
So howcum neither of them has gotten back to me? I’ve noticed this with both romantic relationships and platonic friendships: MEN NEVER CALL. How do two gay men ever get together if neither of them ever calls?!
“Hey, Eve, why don’t you call them?” I hear from the peanut gallery. I already E’d the musician, and I do not chase potential boyfriends. They chase ME. Them’s the rules.
Apparently I’ve got the opposite problem- I call too much. I don’t believe the BS about waiting for three days to call back, not accepting a date on Thursday for the coming weekend, etc. I love to talk on the phone and will call for the most mundane reason( "did you see that commercial --ROTFLMAO!!)
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Eve. I thought you were above gender stereotyping. There are plenty of men (of which I am one) who call when they say they will. Even after the first date, unless it was a bomb.
Remember: man #1 you met in a casaino–that’s like meeting a guy in a bar, only a little sleazier; man #2 is a musician. 'nuff said.
Perhaps if you met some decent guys, they’d live up to your (not at all unreasonable) expectations.
OK, I know TWO men who call or E: Ukulele Ike and my friend Michael. Other than that, my stereotyping has held true in MY experience. . . . Oh, and Ike, I wouldn’t let 'em see our E-mails, considering some of the things we say about other Board members . . .
Hmmm . . . I would say “bar” is sleazer than “casino.” What kinda PR guy is he if he doesn’t follow up on tips?! If he doesn’t want to schtup me, he can follow up on the business part and just not tell me when he’s in NY, so there seems to be no reason for his silence . . . Unless both these guys were run over by cars the day I left New Orleans.
Men. I’d become a lesbian, except Ute Lemper’s straight.
Eve, I’m with you, and let it be noted that I am not afraid to pick up the phone and call men.
Saturday night I met an interesting fellow at a party (okay, we ended up making out on the host’s back porch for a little while, if you MUST know). He made this giant production of asking for my number - going inside, getting a pen, having me write it down, reading it back to me, making me spell my name again, finding me before I left and asking me when he could call me.
My phone isn’t exactly ringing. I guess it’s only been a few days. The thing is, if he hadn’t asked for my number, I wouldn’t be too concerned about never seeing him again. I had fun, he had fun, that’s all that matters. But after the big production he made, now I’m kind of pissed off.
Once again I must remind myself: “It’s only been a few days.”
I know how to use a phone. That’s how I get on the net.
Actually, that about all I use a phone for. I’m seldom at home, except to sleep, so I don’t bother with an answering machine. If I don’t see you in person, I don’t talk to you.
People who know me, know where I like to hang out and know my car. They just drive around and find me or stop at a place I’m likely to stop at.
Black—do you prefer man-crazy women who chase guys around? This fellow and I let it be known we were interested in each other. He asked for my number, I gave it to him and said, “call me.” Ball’s in his court.
Men, DO you indeed find that women don’t call? I’m not just talking romantic here, I am also talking business and friendship. I just find that most men—except the idiots screaming into their cell phones on my commuter train!—do not like to “chat.”
Hmmm . . . Maybe asking men who log onto a message board is not the right forum for THAT question . . .
Men don’t call because, despite the impression they gave you when you met them, they aren’t interested in you enough to call you up and ask you out. The real question should be “why do I keep flirting with such dipshits?”
These guys aren’t just forgetting to call, or unable to work a phone. If a guy gets your number, he understands that the ball is in his court and if he wants to ask you out, he has to call you. If he doesn’t call, he wasn’t actually interested enough to make an effort. Why did he ask for your number, then? Because he’s a dick. Or he was drunk. Or both. It’s not because he has a penis. (If I ask for someone’s number, I call them. But that’s just me.)
I say you ask for their number, if you’re interested in them. Why not? You don’t look man-crazy, you just look interested. That’s OK. Worst that happens, he doesn’t go out with you when you call. BFD.
As for your platonic friends, I don’t know what’s up with that. I call people. All my male friends call people.
Eve, I agree with you there. The ball is in his court, and if he doesn’t call, then he’s a loser who doesn’t know a good thing when he sees one.
That said…
I’ll admit it. Men can be scum. A lot of them don’t call women when they say they will, and the ones who do are few and far between.
But as long as we’re generalizing here, let’s be honest–people in general can be scum and don’t call when they say they will, and the ones that do are few and far between.
I don’t now how many women have left me waiting by the phone. But at least men are better in one respect: we don’t give out fake numbers (at least no guy I know admits to having done so).
Have you considered the posibility that you posess some glaring personality defect? Just trying to help
We often get together the same day/night we meet, and it is not necessary to call each other the following day because he is usually lying in bed right next to me. What I am getting at (I think) is that there is less beating around the bush in gay social “pickup” situations. Even if there is no physical activity the night they meet, two guys will probably know right away if they find each other to be pleasing company, and will probably set up the next day’s activities before parting on the night they meet.
If he fails to show up at the coffee shop/museum/whatever in accordance with the previously agreed-upon plans, then you pretty much know right away that you’ve been dumped. We then go through the standard coping ritual:
9:30- Denial: “He’s two hours late; his train probably just derailed.”
9:32- Anger: “Tonight was a total waste of make up!”
9:33- Bargaining: “I promise not to clean my ears with my keys if he shows up.”
9:33 and 45 seconds- Depression: “Looks like it’s just going to be me and 1-900-HOT-GUYS this evening.”
9:35- Accpetance: (Makes eye contact with a passerby) “Hi there! I’m a stranger in these parts; can you direct me to your place?”
" . . . there is less beating around the bush in gay social
“pickup” situations."
—Oooo, what you said! By the way, I have many, many glaring personality defects, but neither of these guys were with me long enough to catch on to more than a dozen or so. What drives me mad about these two bo’s in particular:
• Casino Guy. Yes, he and I were violently flirting with each other. But he’s in PR, and I can help him insert something . . . I mean, I can help him place articles in my magazine!
• Musician Guy. I told him how much I like his group and that I really want to buy some of his music—he’s gay and we both know that, so it’s a purely business deal, here!