Hi, folks. Little narrative first but question at the end.
I saw a woman at a bar about 2 months ago - drop dead gorgeous. I wanted to say hello but decided that I’d settle for just not looking away when she looked at me. My friends and I refered to her as “the blond girl” (and I don’t even normally go for blonds). Anyway - saw her again tonight. Really, really wanted to say something. I’m normally pretty bold but, honestly, felt she was way out of my league.
Well, the bar was closing up and she walked by me and stopped, turned, and said, “You are very cute.” Before I knew what was going on, my friend grabbed her arm and said, “She thinks so too!” (Ooookay, just about now some of you are figuring out that I’m a lesbian. Yeah. Anyway…) I’ll make a long story short…we met up at another bar and talked and she gave me her phone number and was very honest and bold by saying that she really did hope I’d call her. And I really really want to call her. Is there some sort of grace period I’m supposed to wait? I don’t want her to feel badly but I don’t want to jump the gun. I appreciate that she told me very frankly that she hoped I would call her. And I don’t want to make her feel badly for being that frank.
A really hot girl that I had known from several years ago walked up to me at school and gave me her phone number. That was like 4 months ago and i never called her. I’m a fucking idiot. Enough about me though…they say you should wait 3 days. The first day is too soon, the second day is too soon or something too i guess but supposedly girls give up hope on the third day and it comes right out of left field when the phone rings. I guess they love that. (I dont even know what the hell im talking about, girls are completely unapproachable by me.) Ok now that I’ve made a complete idiot out of myself at 4am thank you and goodnight.
3 days? I want to call her tomorrow. I was thinking tomorrow night…too soon? Oh man. I’m clearly out of the loop. What about Monday? I hadn’t heard the 3 day rule. Is this pretty well known?
I don’t think the nex day is too early to call, especially since she said she wanted you to call. Plus, a sunday lends itself to a longer call, so you may discover interests beyound cuteness. Now, I will says that I’m the anxious type, so when I give out my number, I mentally start counting how long until he calls–figuring the longer it takes the less interested he is, so take what I have to say with that understanding. If the next day seems unseemly, at least go for a middle-of-the-day quick answering machine message on Monday–says you have a life, but you’ll make room for her.
My brother has this friend who was really into “The Rules” type game-playing (before The Rules came out even!) Anyway, my brother took this jerk’s advice and this is what happened:
Sunday: My brother went for a drink with a woman.
Monday: Did not call…
Tuesday: Because jerk friend said…
Wednesday: You have to wait…
Thursday: Five days before you call…
Friday: According to jerk friend…
Saturday: You can’t call on a weekend.
Sunday: My brother was busy and could not call.
Monday: He finally calls, and the girl said that she was now involved with someone else and didn’t think he was interested because he didn’t call.
Okay, so it’s an extreme case.
Anyway, she is obviously eager for you to call her, and you are eager to call. I would say give her a quick call tonight and invite her for coffee later in the week.
I would call her today. I mean, who are “they” that set all these rules, anyway? You’re interested, apparently she’s interested, so stop worrying about all the petty stuff and pick up the phone.
Well, speaking as a straight man who’s been out of the dating scene for a dozen or more years, this idea of having to wait x number of days strikes me as absolute rubbish.
If you like her, call her the next day. What’s the worst thing that could happen? She’ll know you like her?
I don’t imagine you really want to hear my ramblings, but…when I met the woman who is now my wife, she was (and frankly still is) waaaay out of my league. Athletic (award-winning cross-country skier,) beautiful (ex-model,) kind, and brilliant (straight-A student then, now holds a Master’s in Feminist Literary Criticism.) I am none of these - take my word on that one. Still, when we met - I can’t describe it, but I knew she was the One. She tells me she felt exactly the same way - I was out of her league, but still the One. How exactly I was out of her league has never been clear to me.
Anyway, I have no idea how lesbian dating politics work (I don’t even know how straight dating politics work,) but if you like her, call her. Don’t be sucked into playing these silly little games.
You’re definitely correct to point out that there does appear to be a difference between how lesbians meet and straight folks do.
Unfortunately, it is a big joke that lesbians bring their U-Haul to the bar with them - because they move in together in a flash. “Pack up the house and the cat, we’re going to the bar tonight!” sort of thing. I don’t know there is this dynamic with lesbians. Then someone cheats on someone and chaos and drama ensues. My friends and I jokingly call it “Lesbo-drama.”
Anyway - that may not be related but I do think that it is interesting how there is any difference at all (seemingly) between the lesbian population and the ‘straight’ one.
I think I’ll call her tonight…She’s so pretty, my teeth chatter. heh. Besides, you know how few femme lesbians there are? And she’s a knock out. I’m convinced. I’m calling tonight. Wooooooo!
I’ll disagree with everyone here. Wait three days and… SLAP! SLAP!
My God! What was I saying!!!
Well, don’t dash her hopes (more to the point, don’t dash yours!)
Put me down as another who worried about “the rules” until it was too late. At the risk of sounding like a jerk (ok, I am a jerk, but for the sake of the argument…), wouldn’t gay and lesbian people cast more of a jaundiced eye on so-called propriety and the need to keep up appearances anyway? If you hit it off with her (and you did), then call, and good luck!
Tiburon, how young you must be that you ask this question?
I know of no set law that states when you should call someone back. Same for gays as it is for straights.
One odd thing about this setup is that this woman gave you her number, yet you did not give her yours. Why is that? Did you not want her to call you too?
Calling the next day is absolutely OK, in fact, it’s wonderful. There is nothing better than knowing this person is really interested. Just don’t call again the following day, because that starts to look stalkerish.
The next day is correct, make sure you have some conversation topics in mind, in case you get bogged down. You want this to be a conversation she remembers fondly. Also, I learned from my fiancee, about the Wednesday Rule. We have nothing like this here in Florida, but apparently up north (in some groups anyway), there is an unspoken rule that if you want to do something with a potential girlfriend on the weekend, you have to make the arrangements by Wednesday, at the latest. I had never heard of this, but others (albeit all friends of hers–she is from MD) have confirmed this rule.
I think the “3-day rule” came about as some sort of male, I’m-so-independent face-saving measure. It’s really just an adult version of the little “I can’t call her, then she’ll think I like her!” “But you DO like her!” games we should’ve outgrown in high school.
Every girl I’ve talked to about this says that they want a call the very next day. Couple that with the fact that neither of you has to assert any male independence, and I think it adds up to “call today”.
