HELP I'm going to marry a lesbian on Sat!

My good friend just asked me to marry her on this coming Sat. (Valentines Day) Her church is rallying a group of people to make a statement for the state of Florida to allow gay marriages in this state.

Since the wedding is not legal, they are just going to have a ceremony of some type.

Each partner is supposed to come bearing a gift. It can be anything
I have no idea what to bring to the wedding!!! I am a very creative and silly person so it will be expected that I not give something traditional. I have never done this before so I don’t have a clue. My friend is NOT a girlie girl like me.

I collect bracelts from around the world and I was thinking about one of them but I kinda tossed the idea out to my friend and she was like nooooo you know I don’t wear bracelets. I thought of a book. (I am a serious book person) Nope she doesn’t want a book. What in God’s name can I bring to her as a wedding exchange? I’m kinda on a tight budget so it’s not like I can bring her a quarter horse (which she wants)

I would like it to be meanigful as we are good friends.
Any ideas?

Are you marrying her as in being her bride (groom?), or as in performing the service?

I’m going to be the Princess Bride!


Get her a vase. People always seem to like vases.

And she the Dread Pirate Roberts?

Inconceivable! :smiley:


No she is not a pirate! She is just let’s say…hmmmmm Well let’s just say I am a “girlie girl” all the way and she is not. :smiley: She is more rugged and outdoorsy.
She said she is going to wear a tux.

No I am not going to give her a vase! Can you imagine me standing at the altar and the minister asks to exchange the “sacred” gift and I whip out a vase? NO NO NO that won’t do.

It has to be a REAL gift!!!

A condom would be pretty funny

Or maybe a ring chained to a bowling ball

can of moustache wax

some carpet deodorizer (only if she’s very confident type and definitely won’t take offense)

Sorry, no good ideas here.
And I’m confused–is she your ‘good friend’ or your lover? is this a real committment, or just something to draw attention/take a stand?

A quarter horse is a little hard to whip out, anyway. But how about a riding crop? Amusing, a little scandalous, and equestrian-orieted.


Being incapable of original thought, I’ll second both the condom and the riding crop. Great ideas!

Pablito: I take it that this is a demonstration to impress upon politicans that the populace favors gay marriages. I think they are friends, working for a cause.

Toaster! What else?


How about a plain silver or gold band with the date of your wedding engraved inside?

Oh, and it might be fun if the date was in roman numerals.

Congratulations! How about showing your affection with a Maltese Falcon?

Or, to be romantic, just give her a ring…One ring. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them. One Ring to bring themall and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Florida, where the shadows lay.

Or, maybe, some replica old west brothel tokens. So, if you can’t afford to get your spouse a quarter horse, at least you could get her some 25¢ whores. ::Rimshot::

That last one might not be good for civilized company or a church ceremony, though. Not outside California. :wink:

How about a blow-up of a standard marriage certificate? Fill in your names in the appropriate, or re-named boxes. Attached will be a scroll containing names of all your supportive friends. The scroll can be unfurled at whatever moment you think most judicious and auspicious. Good luck.

A small double picture frame.

In one, put a photo of you as a girl. The other leave empty. She will put her childhood photo there.

It will melt her heart. Trust me.


I am straight and she is a lesbian. We are doing this just to show our support for gay marriages in our state.

I did find an ESMERELDA ring in my jewerly box. I can’t remember for the life of me why I have it. I thought of giving her the ring but I need to find out the ATTRIBUTES of ESMERELDA. I mean wasn’t she a ho? HA HA Yeah that could be me since I went on 2 blind dates last weekend. HA HA HA

I love this jung fu ola but she should give it to me!

I’m getting married in 6 days and I’m freaking out!
Ok…what is a riding crop? Is that an “inside” lesbian joke?

Good try on the Lord of the Rings ring, but nahhhhh I am probably the only one that HATES Lord of the Rings! What do you think of my Esmerelda Ring?
Last night I laid in bed worried about “what will I give her for a wedding gift?”
So then I thought I would write my own wedding vows (cause she said I could) I could make them really silly and Then I thought I would print the vows on nice paper and frame it. I also thought of including a cd (of a mix that I make) I can put crazy songs on it.

My friend called me late last night and asked if I had any plans on consumating the marriage. HA HAH AA The first thing that came to my mind was I’m going to tell her 'Get in the kitchen Bitch and make me some pie"

Oh my gawd! What if I get married in this mock wedding but find out it is a REAL wedding? What if she has had the hots for me for the last 8 years? Oh my gawd! What if like I can’t get it annulled? I wonder if I should video tape this so I could sell it like Britney Spears husband did. Hmmm Is there some secret lesbian wedding rule that says you MUST have sex or else bad things will happen? Oh my gawd!

I’m freaking out.

NO ON THE CONDOM! I don’t want to humiliate her in church. This is supposed to be a serious matter (kinda)

Lovely idea but several teensy weensy probelms.

First off I AM STRAIGHT so technically “I’m in the hall closet” noooo the hall closet is full of sports equipment. No I am in the bedroom closet. yeah that’s where I am.

I am a devote XXXXXXXXXXXXX and (I DON"T WANT THIS POST TO END UP IN THE PIT SO I AM NOT PROFESSING RELIGION HERE) But my friends would freak out and probably take me to some secret religious place and lay hands on me and pray for me cause they would think i was completly off my rocker not only to be friends with a lesbian but actaully marry one in a mock ceremony. OH MY GAWD THEY WOULD JUST DIE IF THEY KNEW I WAS GOING TO KISS HER!!!

Ummm so basically I won’t have any friends at the ceremony. My friend will though. It is her church. Crap! I bet this is a REAL wedding and she is going to punk me like Ashton Kutcher’s show! I bet she has had the lesbian hots for me all these years. <gazing in mirror> Could ya blame her? <eg>

Even my kids don’t know I am getting married. It’s a secret.

OK. No offense, right? But if the objective here is to show support for gay marriage I’m not sure a bunch of mock marriages is really a very good start. Personally, I’m 100% in support of gays having the right to marry. But, as a married person myself I’m offended by the idea of a bunch of mock marriages conducted in a church, presumably by a minister. I think it’s just a bad idea and I’m very much afraid it will backfire against the gay marriage movement in your town. Frankly, I’m astounded that the church has planned this – especially given the fact the the anti-gay-marriage crowd has as one of its planks the notion that gay marriages cheapen and demean “real” marriage. It seems to me that by planning this event, the church is handing its enemies a great big bucket of ammunition. Far better that the church profile one or two genuinely committed gay couples who really want to marry. So, while I certainly understand your desire to support your friend, I, myself, wouldn’t have anything to do with this plan and would definately outline my objections to both the minister and the church board.

However, if you are going to do it, please take it seriously. No joking vows, please, and no joke presents. Buy your friend something engravable – an inexpensive ring, a key chain, a picture frame – and have it engraved with a nice sentiment. And stop asking her what she wants. She needs to learn to accept gifts more graciously, if she ever really plans to be married. Right now she’s skirting Bridezilla (mock-Bridezilla?) territory.