Help me convince my boyfriend to split birth control costs

[Happy_Poster]

@CrazyCatLady

Actually, I haven’t had a period in a few years, but nice try. I give you a 0 for reading comprehension, but 10 for rudeness and condescension.

This kind of stuff is exactly why women tend to get so shirty about a guy flatly refusing to help pay for birth control. Crawl up out of your “anybody who disagrees with me is an entitled, menstrual, man-hating psycho-bitch” mind-set for two goddamn seconds and talk about this rationally.

We’re talking about why women get shirty about a guy refusing to chip in for bc if asked. There absolutely is a sense of disbelief that somebody would let you shoulder all the physical cost and risk, the risk if it fails, and then actually consider himself ill-used at being asked to share the financial cost. Why would a guy do that? Well, he’s either a jackass who feels entitled to sex without having to contribute anything, or he doesn’t realize what he’s doing.

My point was that a lot, maybe most guys, honestly don’t realize that’s what they’re doing. They have no fucking clue what sort of side effects hormonal birth control can have, beyond “my sister went on it to help with her periods.” They are totally ignorant of the fact that birth control can actually make your bleeding heavier (or non-stop, for the progestin-only methods) or your cramps worse, or make you retain so much water it hurts to make a fist. And that’s just the common stuff that will make you miserable, not the rare stuff that will make you dead. Men tend to just not realize how shitty* not getting pregnant can be, so they ask for what seems really massively unfair to someone who does realize how shitty it can be–ie, for us to take all the side effects and risks, and shell out all the money, with no affect on their pocketbooks or flow of sex.

Because let’s look at the names the OP has been called here–if she cuts him off because he won’t shell out for bc, she’s manipulative and whorish, and if she asks him to shell out, she’s entitled and greedy. It looks like the only option that will keep her from getting insulted is to rearrange her budget and keep putting out, no matter what kind of strain that puts her in.

*Yeah, it’s generally less shitty than getting pregnant. Big deal. Being less shitty than Option B doesn’t mean Option A isn’t shitty.

Have a hysterectomy then. Otherwise, deal with it. That is the sensible thing to do, as you have no choice.

[Fish]

Should the boyfriend share half the cost of the girlfriend’s clothes and makeup? After all, they both reap the benefits when she looks pretty.

[Broomstick]

@Malacandra

Thanks for that tirade, Broomstick. Damned POS diary didn’t mention it was Scream At Mal Day today so the heads-up came in handy.

Excuse me? Where was that a rant at YOU? I thought it was a rant against being pushed onto the pill without a discussion of alternatives. You have a problem with alternatives?

If you want to start a thread called My 30 Years Of Ob-Gyn Woes (And Why It’s All Stupid Male Doctors’ Fault) I believe you’ll find a suitable forum just two doors to the south of here.

Frankly, I haven’t had “30 year’s of OB-GYN woes”. And while one specific doc I mentioned, the one when I was 16, was male the fact is ALL OB’s I’ve had in my life have been women, and they have ALL pushed the pill despite my family not only having risk factors but a lot of women hurt by the pill - blood clots, strokes, heart attacks…

…but it is nevertheless the case that the Pill and similar methods are often prescribed for relief of lady-troubles first, contraception second.

Oddly enough, we can both be right here - yes, hormones are prescribed for “lady troubles” and yet a lot of women who don’t need it for “lady troubles” are never informed of alternatives, including women who are at high risk of serious side effects.

An ex-gf of mine went on the Pill for contraception, but found that while it changed her natural 5-week cycle to 4 weeks, it greatly reduced the severity of the cramps she got, which formerly meant her taking a day or two off work every time she got her period.

Bravo for her. Extreme pain is an entirely valid reason to take a medication. Me, I don’t get extreme cramps. Therefore, I do not have that reason to pop a pill.

…and it would still be only tangential to the point of this thread which, once again, was about women who choose of their own free will to prefer such a method.

Except that she feared her “freely chosen method” would be out of her price range, hence my suggestion to look into alternatives. While condoms alone are not as effective as the pill, condoms + another method does start to approach that effectiveness. She might not need that knowledge now but maybe in the future.

If the pill helped you and your buddies good for you but that in no way makes it a panacea for all women.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Fish

Should the boyfriend share half the cost of the girlfriend’s clothes and makeup? After all, they both reap the benefits when she looks pretty.

The boyfriend will not be on the hook for many thousands of dollar in child support over a period of 18 years if the the girlfriend’s mascara runs.

[Kaio]

@Angry Lurker

You’re on crack

Typical bloke just doesn’t think like that, mostly because we don’t think so deeply about such nonsense. Going livid fer christs sake!!!

Wow. Priorities, financial responsibility and budgeting are “nonsense” now? I totally missed that memo. I’m going to have to run out tomorrow and max out all my credit cards. And when my landlord comes looking for the rent I never paid him, I’ll let him know that you said priorities are passe. He’s a guy, I’ll send him your way so you can explain to him about how he’s just not supposed to think like that.

[devilsknew]

I split the cost with my fiancee’ for birth control pills from planned parenthood back in the '80s. It was only fair. Plus, I had a hard time with condoms and maintaining erections, so it was a great solution, monogomous bareback. But we split shortly after I started paying, and there was some worktime-hanky panky. I’m sure half of my birth control money in that month went towards protection against another guys sperm.

[Happy_Poster]

@Kaio

Wow. Priorities, financial responsibility and budgeting are “nonsense” now? I totally missed that memo. I’m going to have to run out tomorrow and max out all my credit cards. And when my landlord comes looking for the rent I never paid him, I’ll let him know that you said priorities are passe. He’s a guy, I’ll send him your way so you can explain to him about how he’s just not supposed to think like that.

Hey stoopid what I’m telling you is that he’s not going to think about your neurotic concerns in the same way as you do, think of dumping him for that and you’re going to end up with some kind of effeminate man-girl for a boyfriend.

[Vihaga]

@Angry Lurker

You’re on crack

Typical bloke just doesn’t think like that, mostly because we don’t think so deeply about such nonsense. Going livid fer christs sake!!!

Well, maybe my husband isn’t a “typical bloke” then, because I know he’d have helped me out with BC when we were dating, and when I mentioned this thread to him, he agreed that effective pregnancy prevention should be a priority for both partners. Some guys do care more about their girlfriends than some macho idea that reproductive responsibilities are the girl’s problem.

[fluiddruid]

@Angry Lurker

Hey stoopid what I’m telling you is that he’s not going to think about your neurotic concerns in the same way as you do, think of dumping him for that and you’re going to end up with some kind of effeminate man-girl for a boyfriend.

Angry Lurker, welcome to the SDMB. Please note that our rules prohibit insulting other users outside the BBQ Pit. Please post a new thread there if you wish to use insulting language.

No warning issued.

[Happy_Poster]

Sorry Fluiddruid.

I’d also like to apologise personally (well, over the net) to Kaio, that was uncalled for!

[Happy_Poster]

@Vihaga

Well, maybe my husband isn’t a “typical bloke” then, because I know he’d have helped me out with BC when we were dating, and when I mentioned this thread to him, he agreed that effective pregnancy prevention should be a priority for both partners. Some guys do care more about their girlfriends than some macho idea that reproductive responsibilities are the girl’s problem.

It’s nothing to do with being macho, it’s about how the brains are wired.

If anything maybe you should feel sorry for your hypothetical partner, not get all angry at him - he wouldn’t understand why and would probably think you were a bit of a bunny boiler - where as if you put your point across then at least you’d be free to agree on something going forward

[Scougs]

Don’t really mean to hijack the thread, but I’ve been reading this thread in disbelief from over here in the UK.

You guys have to pay for birth control??

[Acsenray]

We have to pay for every damn thing. You haven’t heard about the big health care controversy in the United States? There is no universal government-provided health care.

[Zsofia]

Yeah, but they give the guns out for free, so there’s that.