I agree with this. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to pay half of the birth control tab, but why get into nickel-and-diming unless he’s otherwise a cheapskate? And if he is, well, then that’s the real problem anyway.
I can also sympathize a bit with someone who is hesitant to contribute financially to sexually-related expenses. It’s not really rational, but it’s also not entirely unreasonable to see the proposition as “If you want to have sex with me, you’ll need to pay me $30 a month.” I don’t agree with that interpretation, but I can see why it might resonate with someone else.
Or something. I know exactly how it sounds. And I don’t care. He is a self-centered prick who won’t ever let her pick up a tab, but won’t go half on this one? Seems rather important to me.
Good idea, but the wrong medication. That’s for an oral contraceptive (and apparently only one version); the NuvaRing is a rubber ring that fits (IIRC) around the cervix and contains hormones.
Gosh, he pays for everything else it sounds like, but balks at yet 30 dollars more (probably because he felt broadsided being asked about it BECAUSE he pays for more stuff).
On Saturday simply tell him that you are discontinuing birth control because you can no longer afford to pay for it all youself.
Tell him that the estimated financial impact of this decision on him will likely come to a minimum of $600 per month in child support for 18 years, 25 if the kid goes to college.
Rubberbanding one’s cervix sounds tricky and unpleasant as all get out; the only birth control I know of that go “around the cervix” are caps, and they’re very rarely used anymore. I understanding the NuvaRing is more like a smallish jelly bracelet one slips behind the pubic bone, where it releases hormones that are absorbed closer to the actual organs they’re intended to act on. So potentially less upset to one’s entire system, as opposed to an oral contraceptive that has to be absorbed through the stomach and travel throughout the body.
I’ve been curious to try it, having a need for birth control for the first time in years, since it sounds like the easiest hormonal means other than the Mirena IUC. (My usual method of choice being “women.”) But the thought of having a noticeable object up there gives me pause (can it be tasted???) and I’d really prefer something progestin-only anyway.
And now I’m thinking I’ve been a thoughtless jerk for not offering to chip in for my current lover’s condoms. :smack:
25 years ago the first boyfriend I had sex with not only offered to go halfsies on the birth control, HE started the conversation. (Yeah, he was a pretty good guy) When I got laid off at one point he paid for all of it until I got another job.
His reasoning was that it was cheaper to pay birth control than child support or an abortion. He was, of course, 100% correct.
That said, fair isn’t always about splitting everything straight down the middle. If he really is paying half or more of their total outgo a month then her paying for nuvaring may not be unfair or unreasonable. That’s something for the two people involved to look at and decide, not us.
Fact is, hormonal birth control isn’t fair - you’re asking a woman to change her body chemistry 24/7. Now, for some women, particularly those for whom hormonal birth control has other benefits, they don’t mind but there are women who don’t tolerate hormonal methods or for whom there are real medical contraindications. The expectation that a women simply pop a pill daily or get an implant to remain acceptably sterile is a little strange to me given the lip service to egalitarianism usually expressed these days, but then, it is just lip service.
Too risky for her. She’s already stated that. Cut him off until a viable form of birth control can be found. Go to Planned Parenthood and see what they can do to help with the cost.
You don’t have to be combative about it. Just tell him that it takes two to tango and you’re not willing to risk condom failure. If he gives you shit about it, maybe the sex just isn’t worth the lack of unity in the relationship.
That’s pretty accurate, though the description of “around the cervix” is also accurate with respect to position. In other words, it rests in position such that it’s concentric with the cervical opening, and aligned with it, much like a loose jelly bracelet is “around” your wrist. It’s stiff enough that it stays fully circular on its own when you let go of it.
It was *by far *the easiest hormonal method I’ve ever used. It wasn’t noticeable to me (or my partner) unless I was actually installing it or taking it out – there are not a lot of nerve endings on the surface of the cervix or thereabouts. Your precise anatomical dimensions may affect this; some women and some partners can feel it. I don’t think you can taste it more than you can taste any hormonal BC, which, again, varies by individual.
If you start a thread asking for experiences with it I bet you’ll get plenty of responses.
What a crock of shit. The guy already pays a great deal more of the expenses than she does. He’s probably wondering why she suddenly wants to start splitting things 50/50 all of a sudden, when that hasn’t been the case up until she needed some extra cash. I doubt very seriously if he is hesitant to pay because he think of it as “her problem”.
Some of you need to read MissIntent’s post #64 and realize you’re being waaaay to quick to pass judgement on someone who likely doesn’t deserve it. It sounds to me like she made the right decision.
It never even occurred to me to ask the man to pay for the birth control. I’ve been on the pill forever, and that’s just how it is.
I know he’d have no problem chipping in if I needed the help, though. We’ve discussed babies and their prevention, and we know what we’re doing to stay baby-free and what we’d do with an oops moment. There was a period where I had hormonal issues and my gyn said I should use a second method for a while just in case, and the man bought condoms.
It’s more complicated than “dump him if he won’t pay”. It’s a question of why he doesn’t want to. Figuring that out will help you decide whether he’s someone you want to keep.
I read it, I just didn’t like the “Your clam ain’t so special” remark. That didn’t seem to be the point to me. Anyway, if this were me, I’d still want to split the birth control. I see rent and BC as a 50/50 type thing. But if we’re going to view it as the overall cost of relationship, I suppose either way is acceptable.
I am coming in late, I know. It sounds like you haven’t talked this out very well with your boyfriend. Surely he is not objecting to spending $30 a month just because he doesn’t want to spend that much? Does he state that BC is a woman’s job? Then he has to go I would say.
Otherwise it sounds to me like you are drawing an arbitrary line and he is resisting simply because it seems arbitrary. Why must this one thing be split exactly 50/50? Why not food? Why not toilet paper? Why not every little thing you two spend money on? I know there most be bigger expenses in your lives than BC and if money is an issue then those things need to be discussed first. I would bet if you put it to him as “I need some cash for BC for the next couple of months” then he would pony up without a whimper. It’s the “I’m going to tell you some things that you have to pay, or else” that, I think, would cause resistance.
Or you could straight to the “cut him off until he gives you $30” plan that some suggest. That should help things work out really nicely for you both.
While I’m pretty certain that SpouseO would’ve helped my pay when we were a) poor students and b) not married, I’m another one of those women that never would have even thought to ask him.
Here’s the thing - I’ve always been super anal about controlling my fertility. While it’s certainly not the case, when I was younger I always felt that since I’d be the one incubating the kidlet should we get pregnant, I had the bigger stake in the birth control arena and acted accordingly. My husband knew that we needed to take precautions, and we’d talk, and I’d always say, “I have it covered.” And I did.
(We were in a long-term relationship and ditched the condoms pretty early on, as I think most couples probably do.)
So, I worry about my fertility. And while we make all decisions together, my husband doesn’t need to do anything except know that I’ve got it covered. He does know exactly what kind of birth control I use, but he never needs to be concerned about does it need refilling or do I have a supply or anything - I do. It’s probably not a fair thought process, but to me, it’s very much “it’s my body, it’s my concern.”
I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I certainly don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to ask him if he could share the cost. So I get that. I also think that if it were me as the gal in the relationship, I would’ve exhausted my options of fitting in the extra cost myself before it ever would have occurred to me to bring it up with him.
Male, 48 (but about 78 in cynic years). I’d pay 50% on the BC in a New York second. And 50% on everything else. Good God, he pays all that and he’s a student? And you’re beefing over BC not being 50-50? :smack:
What bugs me a bit here is that he’s the one making the decision in each case as to what he will pay for and what he won’t. I wonder if what’s bothering the OP is not so much the $30 but the sense that she is not being listened to. Saturday’s talk might be most productive if it is cast more broadly as a discussion of the process by which this couple decides who covers which expenses, rather than just the particular expenses themselves.
Super anal is an excellent way of avoiding pregnancy, but not all guys are into it.