The only problem with that is, if she gets pregnant and has a baby, regardless of whose “fault” it was, you’re on the hook for 17% of your income for the next 18-21 years, depending on your state of residence. I can totally understand wanting to use a method of birth control that you can verify and vouch for, and let her be in charge of the one that only she can verify that she’s using. That’s a saner approach to birth control than most men take. Most are happy to just believe you, sight unseen, that you’re taking the pill. Condoms + hormonal birth control is a pretty foolproof combination, and if that’s the arrangement you have, that seems quite sane to me.
Hmm, things like this could convince me that sharing the cost of the BC methods is probably a good move. Goes against my instincts in regards to to this sort of thing generally, but BC does seem to exist in a different space than most medications.
This reminds me of a friend of mine. She and her boyfriend got into an argument over her birth control and she didn’t want to pay for a doctor’s visit to get her perscription renewed. You know what they got? A baby :smack:
As a woman, I can’t tell you how many times all a man would need to hear is that I was on the Pill, and he would check out of thinking about birth control altogether. Of course, I was 100% trustworthy on the matter, evidenced by reaching the age of 37 without any children nor even one pregnancy scare. HOWEVER, not everyone is as trustworthy as I am, and shit does just happen. It could be something as simple as forgetting to take it, or having the flu and barfing it out, or being on antibiotics and not realizing that can interfere with the Pill, or leaving it out in bright sunlight and having it denature… or something more nefarious, like wanting to get pregnant whether your partner consents or not. This is why I’m surprised that more men do not take the attitude that Angry Lurker has taken, which is, I’ll take care of the condoms, you take care of the Pill, and if we still get pregnant, well, it’s the will of Satan or something. 
If you have a couple sexual partners do you assess them a monthly cost? That would get a huge rejection. Only have one and now it becomes his financial burden? I am not convinced. How does he know you are taking it? Did you give him a contract stating if you forget ,the kid is only your responsibility?
I think this scenario of splitting the cost of the Pill would only transpire in a serious, monogamous LTR. Otherwise, it’s every wo/man for themselves.
I agree with this… you can treat this as a financial/budgeting/planning concern. And point out that dinner for two even at an inexpensive restaurant is going to be at least $30. If finances are truly that tight, you can mutually agree to go out to eat one-time-a-month less often, so he can shift those “dinner” funds to the BC fund. That’s not a huge sacrifice. I’d go over the rest of your budgeting too, just to find and deal with any other places where distribution of shared expenses are inequitable – or at least, make sure that things are inequitable in a way you are both comfortable with (e.g. he pays for groceries, you pay for laundry and cleaning supplies, or whatever).
You should not be asking for financial support from a person who is not your permanent partner. You’re a woman with reproductive freedom. You can choose to have sex; you can choose to use birth control; you can choose to get an abortion. These are elements of your individual dignity as a human being. Don’t demean them by demanding support for your choices from outside. You should expect to split the cost of your birth control only if you are sharing costs for everything else too–clothing, food, shelter, etc.
I’m sorry, but that’s utter bullshit in this case.
MissIntent and her boyfriend are cohabiting and monogamous. Both of them are on the hook if she gets pregnant; it’s absolutely appropriate for them to share the expense of not becoming pregnant.
Of course, given how late in the day it is, they have probably already had this conversation, which I hope went well.
Actually, Skald, I think you mean “contraindicated” rather than “utter bullshit,” right?
Rhymers don’t use the word “contraindicated” in casual conversation. This was established generations ago, during the second Rhymer family civil war, during which the Rhymers of Tulsa, hated by the rest of the clan for their unremitting sadittiness, were wiped off the face of Midgard.
Sadittiness? Sadism? Sadness?
Anyway, it’s not a good sign that $30 a month has become an “issue” that requires “discussion.”
The first one. It’s the noun form of saditty a Southern black slang term that means “pretentiously annoying.” If you work someplace where all your coworkers wear jeans and tees to work, but you dress in suits every day, and publically opine that this makes you better than they, you are being saditty.
You’d be well served to re-think that. Because if you don’t consider your partner’s choice of contraception at least partly your responsibility, you could end up with a bouncing baby child support payment.
We did talk. I told him that after reconsidering how generous he always is with his money, I thought I might have been a bit hasty and selfish to ask for more and I intended to fuss with my budget and find a way to take care of it myself. He responded to this by saying he’d try to help when he could.
And replying to other comments in no typical order… I don’t think $30 a month was the issue, I think birth control was the issue, and that seems like it should be something that couples have discussions on. I researched and spent time determining a birth control method I like, and I have explained to my partner why I prefer this method over others, based on its very, very low failure method. He trusts my research and trusts me to take care of this. I think it would be a bad thing for me to switch methods without informing my partner, or at least warning him that we need to bring in a back up method. Its my fertility, but if he would be responsible for a kid I think he deserves that.
I have never been in the position of having more than one sex partner. If the relationship is not monogamous and tested clean though, I insist on condoms always, so the male involved would already be contributing toward birth control. Things get grayer when it becomes a more serious relationship. Condoms aren’t as much fun. But the non condom ways currently require everything to be on the women’s side. (I imagine my mid twenties childless boyfriend isn’t going for a vasectomy)
I have a solution for you (that I currently use myself) to stay on the NuvaRing without insurance at a lower cost not already mentioned in the thread…I tried to PM you, but you have it disabled. PM or email me for details - I think they’ll help you save a good bit of money.
A regional variant is “seventh day of the week.”
I am glad you got this worked out. I think it was unfair for you to expect him to pay half. First off, a 50/50 split is unreasonable anyways. It should be split based upon the income of the partners. ie, if one is making 100k per year and the other makes 10k, is it fair to split rent, utilities, etc. 50/50? Of course not. And you already said you work and he is a student so even if he was paying for it he should be paying less than $30.
Then you admit he shoulders most of the financial burden in the relationship even though he has less money? Sounds like a great guy to me and I can’t believe you had the audacity to ask for yet more. I fall in the other camp to most of the posters here and if I was this guy I would be questioning if I should dump you for being so stingy and greedy. Heck, even though you admit it’s rare, a night out could easily be $30 for your “share.” And all the gas and car maintenance he pays for. Do you really want to begin splitting gas and oil changes, etc 50/50? People should be careful what they ask for.
But this is just my opinion.
I’m glad it worked out.
Reading this thread I really can’t imagine why people (including you, no offense intended) initially got so worked up over this. As a guy, i’ve never discussed the cost of the condoms I buy, nor the other incidental costs of being in a relationship (local travel, cookie making supplies, lube). I can understand wanting to make everything nice and fair, but a certain element of romance is lost when there’s a conscious effort to balance it to the penny. Talk about it, sure, but make it your hill to die on? Just seems…weird.
Snickers pretty much summed it up for me too. I’ve never even thought about asking. However, I’ve never been in a budget crunch to the point where I’d need to. I would HOPE that if money got that tight for me, my partner would have been willing to pitch in.