Let’s have a tete-a-tete vis-a-vis the menage-au-trois.
The French horn will be known as the “Yankee tootler.”
A french dip sandwich will be called an “All-American greaseburger.”
French onion soup will be renamed “Patriot sweat.”
Duquesne University will now be Rumsfeld University
Pepe Le’ Pew shall now be known as “Smelly Frog”
Jerry Lewis will be sacrificed to Iraq.
An a la carte menu will be known as pick-yer-food-yerself-paper.
Oppressed snails and frogs everywhere will be liberated in the interests of Freeedom!
Can I help?
Mise en scène: “Plunk it down on the stage, there” (theatrical); "Point the camera over there" (film).
Detroit can now OFFICIALLY be called Hockeytown.
Unless hockey is also a French word, which I actually think it is. I guess Motor City will do then.
Frenchie from American Idol will now be “Vocally talented naked black girl.”
can be shortened to “Patchouli.”
France itself can be renamed either Burgundy or West Germany.
The French grip for holding drumsticks will remain the same, since no-one really cares about how drummers and percussionists hold their drumsticks anyway.
Deja vu = brain re-run.
Croutons = Melba cubes
napoleans = Fancy Twinkies
Beefsteak Chateubriand = Roast Rockefeller
Three Musketeers (candy bar) = Snickers, Hold the Caramel
Phantom of the Opera = Poltergeist, the Musical, starring Doug
Hunchback of Notre Dame = Let’s Face It, A Real Ugly M****-F****
French Provincial = Freedom Furniture
And of course, Casablanca will have to be altered: “We’ll always have Pittsburgh.”
“An American Embarrassed.”
Notre Dame will be Fighting Irish of Freedom College.
Kids will eat Freedo-American canned pasta.
The Steely Dan song will be renamed “Kid Barabarossa”
Bonbons will be “Candies for Free Housewives”
and…
Summer’s Eve brand Liberty Squirts
Britney Spears will henceforth be yclept “Sussex Spears”. She’ll have to figure out how to misspell it on her own, though.
I’m pulling a blank on what to rename “Les Miserables” to…
How about “The Company Lovers”?
Does this mean we have to start calling rubella “Liberty Measles” again? (The term “German measles” actually came from the French term “Germaine”; also, German measles is often also known as French measles)
French bread shall be henceforth known as Really Big Texas Toast Without Cheeze.
And finally…
Syphilis shall from now on be referred to as Freedom Pox, to replace the term formerly known as French Pox for the STD.
French Ticklers will be renamed Happy Dildos.
The Adventures of Johnny Bluejeans the Wonderbread Thief.
And I’m leaning towards Let’s Make a Dope Deal! for The French Connection.
Now that’s a change we’ve needed for decades!
Heh. The Onion once ran an article titled “Spaghetti-Os discontinued as Franco-American talks break down.”