[QUOTE=Giraffe]
You should be with someone because you think they are the absolutely best person for you to be with, not because they haven’t done anything horrible enough for you to dump them. The possibility that there’s someone else out there who is a better match for you is all the reason you need to break up
[/QUOTE]
Wise words!
[QUOTE=pbbth]
Actually, if the person you gave the necklace to repeatedly said, “I hate diamonds! They support aparthied and they are plain and boring and I would never, ever wear diamonds in my life!” and you gave them a diamond necklace because you think they should apprecate it, it is exactly like gift wrapping dog vomit in a soiled diaper. You gave them something they hate and will never use because in your opinion they are obviously stupid and have no taste. You might as well be slapping them in the face.
So when she says, “I hate that food. I don’t want to eat that food because I think it is disgusting.” the odds are good that she doesn’t want to eat that. Don’t keep serving it to her! That is ridiculous and to feel hurt because she rejects something she adamantly told you she didn’t want in the first place is just as ridiculous.
[/QUOTE]
Nice try. But in general the consensus view is that diamonds are a nice present, absent a clear and well-reasoned argument as to why one particular recipient doesn’t want them; whereas you’d have to be psychotic to think anyone would appreciate dog vomit wrapped in a diaper.
Similarly the objection to garden weeds and stale pizza from the trashcan are not that they offend someone’s unusual sensibilities but because they are objectively unwholesome food.
Sure, if you’re physically unable to eat something for whatever reason, then let’s not be so assholish as to make you. But if the objection is about as well-founded as not stepping on the cracks on the pavement, that’s another matter entirely.
I’m not a picky eater if there happen to be a dozen or so food items in the supermarket that threaten to make me barf - not when there is about a mile of shelves covered with stuff that I’ll meet with anything from acceptance to enthusiasm. But if I will eat only one particular brand of baked beans, only at room temperature, only with every. single. trace of sauce carefully washed off, then I’ve got some desperate issues. It’s not black and white, it’s a continuum, but when it comes to actually picking the lumps out of peanut butter… :dubious:
Aside: Is your username onomatapoeic for the noise you make when offered something to eat not on your permitted list? 
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac]
Wise words!
[/QUOTE]
Well, maybe–but if you take it too far, you end up alone because you refuse to settle for anyone, always hoping that someone better comes along.
(I do agree that if one is waiting for the other person to do something horrible so that he/she “deserves” to be dumped, one is being rather silly. Why not end the relationship before you hate each other? I’m just inclined to think that if one is in a relationship, one should not be forever wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.)
[QUOTE=Necros]
Not being able to see her body language or tone of voice, I interpret this as her being coy and teasing. “What are we having?” can be taken many ways, and the first one that came to my mind would definitely not be that she wanted to object to the food. Instead, maybe she wanted to anticipate the event.
[/QUOTE]
That’s not an unreasonable interpretation. But the tone of her voice made it sound like her decision to attend was contingent on what was being served. Honestly, it could have been either.
[QUOTE=Necros]
Too bad you had to let her down with something bad. 
[/QUOTE]
Ah, but that’s not the way it happened. It wasn’t something bad. It was Hawaiian ham, Betty Crocker style. Canned ham with bananas, marischino cherries, marshmallows, and flaked coconut. It aspired to be something bad. It had hopes and dreams of being something bad.
And she was very gracious about choking it down.
[QUOTE=wasson]
Yep, I hear ya. I’m normally very reasonably and rational about these things, but our lifestyles were so incredibly different in this instance that I couldn’t see things from her side of the table.
For example, we went out once or twice to meet some of my friends at a bar to drink a couple beers, watch a football game, and eat some hot wings. This girl didn’t drink, didn’t watch football, and didn’t like wings. She assured me she was having a good time, but all I could think is “you’re just sitting there. How can that be fun?”
I just couldn’t wrap my head around it, and when all was said and done, I didn’t NEED to. I found someone who liked beer, hot wings, and football. Now it’s not a concern when I want to go out and do those things.
[/QUOTE]
That makes a little more sense than just the non-drinking thing. I have absolutely no problem with drinking, but sometimes I just don’t feel like it, and there have been plenty of times I have watched football and eaten wings while drinking a Coke instead of a beer. If someone broke up with me just because I was drinking the Coke, when I was clearly having a good time with the football and the wings, I would think that was very strange. If, on the other hand, I hated everything about the activity, and this was the kind of thing my boyfriend liked to do every Sunday, then I could see where it would be a problem. In other words, I am hoping that the actual lack of beer consumption was not the deal-breaker here, but that it was more of a major difference in lifestyles. It’s much easier on couples, I think, if they generally like to DO the same kinds of things. Whether or not one drinks a beer during the activity really seems like a very very minor issue to me.
It sounds like she has serious issues with food, and that you are helping her to overcome them. Maybe with baby steps, but she’s overcoming them. Be pleased when she tries something, and neutral when she doesn’t. As everyone says, she’s an adult, it’s her decision.
The problem is the manners. Spitting out peanut bits (or even just picking them out–or even licking the peanut butter. Ick.) and asking to be given something special to eat while a guest in someone’s house are childish, self-centered, clueless things to do. Obviously no one in her family has ever been able to make her understand how awful her behavior is, maybe because none of them have ever tried. If you want to continue the relationship, I’m afraid you’re going to have to <i>try</i>.
What you’ve told us about her in this thread fits, very neatly, a certain “type” of person I have encountered many times. And always hope to never encounter again.
It sounds like she has serious issues with food, and that you are helping her to overcome them. Maybe with baby steps, but she’s overcoming them. Be pleased when she tries something, and neutral when she doesn’t. As everyone says, she’s an adult, it’s her decision.
The problem is the manners. Spitting out peanut bits (or even just picking them out–or even licking the peanut butter. Ick.) and asking to be given something special to eat while a guest in someone’s house are childish, self-centered, clueless things to do. Obviously no one in her family has ever been able to make her understand how awful her behavior is, maybe because none of them have ever tried. If you want to continue the relationship, I’m afraid you’re going to have to try.
What you’ve told us about her in this thread fits, very neatly, a certain “type” of person I have encountered many times. And always hope to never encounter again.
Translations, please 
:
[QUOTE=ScareyFaerie]
capiscums
[/quote]
Am I right in thinking that these are bell peppers?
What?
Eh?
Come again?
Vegetarian haggis? Isn’t haggis the organs of a sheep? How do you get a sheep made of vegetables?
Those are?
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena]
If someone broke up with me just because I was drinking the Coke, when I was clearly having a good time with the football and the wings, I would think that was very strange.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, and maybe think that the other person might be dependent on alcohol if they believed that one could just not enjoy oneself without indulging.
[QUOTE=furt]
Speaking as someone who teaches a course that addresses food and its profound social and psychological effects, I submit that it is not at all a stupid reason.
It is highly probable that she will continue to embarrass you in front of others as she did with the hot pocket request. If you’re cool with that, you’re cool with that. If not, dump her. Accept it or don’t.
[/QUOTE]
I agree. You mention being together eight months… if the relationship is going to get more serious that that, I suggest to you that you be prepared to accept that you will be dealing with her psychological issues surrounding food for a long time to come. And since, in my experience, the psychological issues about food are never solely about food, but also about control and fear and a bunch of other stuff, that’s a big commitment.
Good luck.
[QUOTE=acsenray]
Translations, please :
capsicums
Am I right in thinking that these are bell peppers?
[/quote]
Yes.
Cause indigestion and/or burping.
Members of the cabbage family.
A mycoprotein meat substitute, quite palatable as it can easily be flavoured so as to taste nothing like mycoprotein. Also cheap.
Veggie-burgers?
Turnips, swede or rutabaga according to your local dialect.
[QUOTE=acsenray]
Yeah, and maybe think that the other person might be dependent on alcohol if they believed that one could just not enjoy oneself without indulging.
[/QUOTE]
Man, and to think Iwas accused of being judgemental earlier in the thread.
No, I don’t NEED alcohol to have a good time, but it’s true that most of my social outings involve it. Barbeques, weddings, sporting events, happy hour with people from work, even work outtings.
Dependent on alcohol? No. I very, very rarely even have a beer in my fridge, although it’s rare that I don’t drink when everyone else has a beer in their hands.
The girl I was with always was annoyed by this and gave me a hard time about it, like you, questioning if I was dependent or why I needed to drink, or whatever else. She didn’t understand why I like tossing back a couple beers with a couple friends a couple times a week, and I didn’t understand why she didn’t. We just didn’t see eye-to-eye, couldn’t find common ground, and I saw it as something that would become an issue in the future, so I broke it off. And now I may be an alcoholic? Please.
I agree with Giraffe (though I tend to agree, you aren’t looking for the absolute best, you’ll never find that person - but you are looking for someone whose behavior you aren’t tolerating now - cause tolerating it for fifty years will drive you nuts). Imagine yourself living with this for the rest of your life if she doesn’t change (and she isn’t likely to). Imagine fifteen years from now when you go to dinner with your boss and his wife. Imagine taking her to meet new friends for pizza. Imagine having kids with this person (if that is in your cards) and what that will be like. If this is something you can - at best - tolerate - the biggest favor you can do for both of you is to move on now.
[QUOTE=wasson]
Man, and to think Iwas accused of being judgemental earlier in the thread.
No, I don’t NEED alcohol to have a good time, but it’s true that most of my social outings involve it. Barbeques, weddings, sporting events, happy hour with people from work, even work outtings.
Dependent on alcohol? No. I very, very rarely even have a beer in my fridge, although it’s rare that I don’t drink when everyone else has a beer in their hands.
The girl I was with always was annoyed by this and gave me a hard time about it, like you, questioning if I was dependent or why I needed to drink, or whatever else. She didn’t understand why I like tossing back a couple beers with a couple friends a couple times a week, and I didn’t understand why she didn’t. We just didn’t see eye-to-eye, couldn’t find common ground, and I saw it as something that would become an issue in the future, so I broke it off. And now I may be an alcoholic? Please.
[/QUOTE]
Hey, given the picture you painted in your first post on the subject, I’d have been wondering too, so don’t be so snippy. I mean, you have this guy who, as I seem to recall you put it*, all his social interaction “revolves around” alcohol. The people he has these social events that revolve around alcohol keep asking over and over and over again why you aren’t drinking, after being told repeatedly that you just don’t drink. You bet your ass I’d be wondering if this guy just enjoyed having a beer, or if he couldn’t socialize/have a good time without it.
Yes, asking over and over again about it was rude and obnoxious. Asking once or twice, though, sounds pretty reasonable, and is certainly no ruder or more obnoxious than your friends asking why she’s not drinking.
*If I’ve misremembered your turn of phrase, my sincere apologies.
[QUOTE=tlsapp76]
Hey, given the picture you painted in your first post on the subject, I’d have been wondering too, so don’t be so snippy. I mean, you have this guy who, as I seem to recall you put it*, all his social interaction “revolves around” alcohol. The people he has these social events that revolve around alcohol keep asking over and over and over again why you aren’t drinking, after being told repeatedly that you just don’t drink. You bet your ass I’d be wondering if this guy just enjoyed having a beer, or if he couldn’t socialize/have a good time without it.
[/QUOTE]
I guess I should have used a word other than “revolve”. I should have said that there is alcohol present at virtually all the social events I attend.
This kind of proves my point. In my circle of friends, we all drink a beer when offered to us, unless we have a very valid excuse for not. For example, last week I refused a beer and was asked why. I told them it was because I had to pick my nephew up and didn’t want to do so even with 1 beer in my system.
So when this girl refused a free beer and gave no excuse, my friends thought it was a little strange. Just not their lifestyle.
Whatever, this has nothing to do with the original post. Let’s just assume I’m an alcoholic and will only date alcholic girls. A sober girl and I just don’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. Sound fair enough?
[QUOTE=wasson]
I guess I should have used a word other than “revolve”. I should have said that there is alcohol present at virtually all the social events I attend.
This kind of proves my point. In my circle of friends, we all drink a beer when offered to us, unless we have a very valid excuse for not. For example, last week I refused a beer and was asked why. I told them it was because I had to pick my nephew up and didn’t want to do so even with 1 beer in my system.
So when this girl refused a free beer and gave no excuse, my friends thought it was a little strange. Just not their lifestyle.
Whatever, this has nothing to do with the original post. Let’s just assume I’m an alcoholic and will only date alcholic girls. A sober girl and I just don’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. Sound fair enough?
[/QUOTE]
But it does kind of have something to do with the OP. The question is basically, at what point does someone have to agree with all my food choices in order to have a good relationship? I don’t get how eliminating ONE category of food or beverage should be the same level of annoyance as what the OP describes. Even the vegetarian/non-vegetarian couples I described have found a way to make that work…it’s not nearly as big a deal as “I can never go anywhere to eat with anyone, because there is never anything I am willing to eat.”
If I turned down some kind of food or beverage offer, and had to explain why I didn’t want it every time, I have to say that I would find that a little annoying. There is absolutely no reason a person shouldn’t be able to say “No thanks, I don’t drink, do you have any Coke?” and not have that accepted without question. Just as someone should be able to say “I don’t eat meat” and not have to keep explaining it over & over. “No, I’m not going to eat a hamburger today, I never eat meat. I’m fine with eating all the side dishes.” Would this have to be a conversation every single time you barbeque with your friends? Being a vegetarian is not my lifestyle. But when my veg friends come over, I make sure there is something to eat for them, and don’t keep asking them why they won’t eat the pork chops I made.
On the other hand, your girlfriend also shouldn’t have done that with you…if beer is part of your socializing, and it clearly isn’t enough drinking to be a problem, there’s no reason for her to hassle you about it, either.
Your girlfriend isn’t picky. My brother-in-law is picky. Pickiness is annoying but can be dealt with, especially if you love the other person. Even with someone who wrinkles his nose at every other thing, we can generally find 4 or 5 cuisines where he’ll pipe down and eat (fortunately for him, these include French and Italian otherwise he’d be SOL for professional networking).
Your girlfriend is pathological when it comes to food and is going to cause you embarrassment and consternation for a long time to come. IMO, people who limit themselves to 4 ITEMS for life (excluding unfortunates who have a keel-over-dead-allergy) don’t merit the word “picky”. That goes wayyyyyy beyond picky…I don’t want to toss around the word “crazy” but it’s sort of rattling around my head when I read about what she’s willing to eat.
I would have ditched someone like that by the end of the first date. Not only is her chosen 4-item mealplan unhealthy and nutriotionally unbalanced-but she displays uncouth behaviour and poor manners.
I, personally, am interested in food but can deal with and love people who don’t really care about it, have dietary restrictions or allergies…or even are picky. There’s a lot to compromise on when both people are reasonable and looking for common ground. I cannot and will not deal with an adult who spits out chunky peanut butter chunks and will only eat meatballs for the rest of his life.
[QUOTE=Eureka]
Well, maybe–but if you take it too far, you end up alone because you refuse to settle for anyone, always hoping that someone better comes along.
[/QUOTE]
IMHO, settling for a dead-end relationship with an incompatible or even abusive partner is the far more common and damaging problem. If only more people had the self-confidence to realize that they don’t have to settle!
I had a long post I created yesterday but didn’t post as I was worried I was over-thinking the issue. Turns out I was. I was thinking about long-term issues like health problems that might arise from years (decades?) of a radically unhealthy diet which seems to exclude most vitamins and of having to be a Care Giver instead of a Lover to your SO before your time.
Incubus is just dating her, not marrying her, right? They are both being young and having fun. There’s no commitment here, so no worries about the future or her impending heart disease. My advice is be young & have fun, and when the relationship ends, life will go on, and you’ll (and she’ll) find somebody else.
As so many people have said: you can’t change her. Stay with her for as long as you still love her and break up with her if you reach a point where you don’t or can’t.
I don’t have time to read the whole thread right now. But I just wanted to add my 2 cents for what its worth.
My husband is a physician who has 8 staff members including me. Of the 8, 6 are “picky eaters” to the extreem. DH used to order take out for everyone once a week(office meeting day) until it got so ridiculous that no place in town wanted to deal with our office. We got a bad reputation as being impossible to deal with because of all the food weirdness. So we started getting a sandwich tray from Walmart and a couple of them complained about that. The office manager was really pissed at how ungracious they are. Now we all get to enjoy a loaf of white bread (picky eaters choice) and pressed turkey- ham, yummy!
I doubt your girlfriend is going to change. I think its a control thing, at least with my co workers. And it was reinforced when they were children, by their parents. Like your girl friend ,they are all overweight, ranging from moderately to obese.