You could choose someone who’s already dead, so that you automatically have the satisfaction of knowing you outlived them. 
Right now, I’m using Will H. Hays and Paul of Tarsus. (How ya doin’ down there, fellas? ::stomps floor:: Eh? EH?)
Why settle for just one?
You could take a blood-oath: Any moderator of the SDMB is my sworn enemy! Then you and your armies of dark minions and giant robots and could wage war against the SDMBs own Forces of Justice and Light.
That would be cool.
An antagonist seems a bit pricey…
Got anything in an adversary?
Is a foe cheaper than a rival?
Do you deliver?
Adversaries and rivals are always available, and yes, they run about half the cost of an antagonist. The downside for many is that they, unlike an antagonist, tend to be competitors, that is, they will tend to try to acquire the same things you want, rather than merely act to prevent you from getting them. Rivals especially tend to acquire wives, girlfriends, promotions, etc., before you can stop them. Adversaries have a nasty proclivity of making it personal, because they are constitutionally incapable of separating their hatred of you personally from their hatred of all you stand for. Both these series also have the disadvantage of mental instability: everyone has heard the phrase “Rival Crock-Pot,” but few know what it really means. It means that a genteel competition can turn into a flaming arrow through the skull before you know the rules have changed.
A foe, by contrast, is considerably more expensive than either an adversary or a rival. That’s because, although their program is simple (i.e., fight X), their cost, due to a high attrition rate, is extremely high. Overall, their customer satisfaction per dollar spent in purchase and in manufacture is very low. Not a good value overall. Noone wins acclaim for triumphing over “a single foe” – I mean, come on. You need dozens at least, all easily beaten, and even then the credit involved amounts to less than the defeat of a well-chosen antagonist. Protagonists and antagonists are the stuff of drama. Some schlub and his rival can be found twice on every floor of every building in Hartford, Connecticut. So shop Samson Antagonistes, where you have a friend in the enemy business (easily pleased or defeated people are encouraged not to apply and easily amused people are encouraged to read all of The King of Soup’s posts).
Is that what I need? I’ve been in a rut lately too. So the answer is to find a nemesis, huh? If you end up with an excess of nemeses (nemesises?) due to this thread, please feel free to pass the extras on to me. Thank you.
Oddly, I was just thinking about this same thing the other day. I had gotten out of my truck and was walking across the parking lot, when I thought; “You know I really need someone to bear the brunt of my superior intelligence & wit. I need a enemy, an arch-nemesis if you will, that will allow me to focus my abilities on their complete and utter destruction, or at least public humiliation.” I wonder if they have that over at the Super Walmart?
Well, I’d just like to point out that all ofmy nemeses have been the Christian Kings of Europe, The Holy Roman Emperor, and the Pope. Mostly any ruler who dares to opose my mighty horde! I shall one day rule all!
That’s right, you just keep looking over your shoulders. Did you think I would give up? I am the thing that wakes you in the night, the footsteps behind you in the dark alley, the chill down the back of your neck. Ph34r!
How you doin’, Crunchy? flirts outrageously, smooches 
CynicalGabe, you’re on! I’ll try not to fall head over heels* too* fast…
[QUOTE=Crunchy Frog]
My wife leans over from her side of the bed and says, “Will you just get THE FUCK UP ALREADY!”/QUOTE]It seems obvious to me. And so convenient distance-wise.
Alternatively, how about a cause? You could wage war on your opressor, the annoying answering machine message. Or something.
Wow, I feel so loved…er, hated. I think. I’m so confused. Good job with that.
So, how does your cat like his new haircut?
I think it would be cool to either have a nemesis or be someone’s nemesis. But then I think about how it might actually involve some work. I’m not sure I’m ambitious enough for that.
Maybe I should just get a Sand In My Craw. That’s just a low-level annoyance, and might not involve much effort.
That was you?! Damn, now I have to go apologize to someone. And he’ll never forgive me; that dungeon is cold this time of year.
That’s one more mark against you, Slortar. I will have my vengeance!
So, that’s what I’m supposed to do when my beloved husband does that. Duly noted.
My nemesis is Safeway. I don’t know - think you can handle taking on an international corporation? It takes a lot of time and effort to stay mad at something that doesn’t even know you exist.
I don’t know if I have the energy for an entire corporation.
So far, I have narrowed the choices to the following:
Snooooopy, though he seems a bit pro-wrestlerish in his enthusiasm. I was hoping for a more Dr. Moriarty to my Sherlock Holmes sort of thing…
Kythereia, and we can thwart one another’s plans as we flirt and smooch, making this whole nemesis thing much more fum than originally anticipated. However, she also seems to be CynicalGabe’s nemesis.
My alarm clock, cuz fuck the fuckin’ thing. I know where it is and I can take it in a fight if need be. However, there’s not much there for a challenge, since to defeat it, I would only need to unplug it.
I think it’s clear who your nemesis is - it’s your psycho puppy. He’s been covertly trying to sabatoge your life since the moment he arrived. He chews your ties, which is clearly an attempt to ruin your reputation at work as respectable and well-kempt. He tries to eat your socks, which delays your morning routine to the point where you’re slowly lapsing into a pattern of non-matching sock wearing as well as being a little later to work each day. Plus, puppies are usually entirely too cute to kill off, which ensures his future success.
I had an Arch Nemesis once.
I’ve forgotten who it was now. 
Oh well.
I’m pretty sure it either had to do with Doperball[sup]tm[/sup] or a thread killing contest.
Anyways, they’re out and they know who they are*! :mad:
*maybe!
I instantly have to think about this weird series that aired here for a while with a secret agent retiring only to have his arch-nemesis move in to the house next door and be his neighbour. It was pretty funny at times, but on too late for me to watch it regularly make up my mind about it.
I think there are two good options here.
-
Make something in yourself your arch-nemesis. That always give you a very good challenge, I know from experience. You almost always lose, but those few times you don’t, ah, it’s worth it!
-
Force someone to become your nemesis by resolving to like them no matter what. Pick someone unlikeable or unlikely if you want a good challenge. This is one of the best ways to get that nemesis vibe going, and if you lose the person will start liking you.
(1 and 2 can be combined in many ways).
Ah, I’m just throwing in my two-cents. I never claimed they made any sense.
A full-time nemesis may be too much to ask for. Most people don’t want to see somebody they actually hate on a regular basis. Plus, a true nemesis must be somebody you have some respect for on some level, you can’t really respect a dog. Perhaps you should settle for a pen foe. Someone you can e-mail, and exchange insults with.
You can start by finding someone to be your pen foe. Then, you write them an e-mail describing yourself, your life, etc. (maybe even include a picture) Then, they will do the same, including a portion about how much a loser you are. The e-mail should be caustic, yet witty. If possible try to do this once a week. Each week, you should have a topic for each other to pick apart. Perhaps the first week, you could write to him about your happiest memory- which your pen foe will promptly shit all over. This is better than having a nemesis you actually know because it will also be an intellectual exercise, and it will only get as personal as the information you provide.
King of Soup, since you seem to be the resident authority on the subject, I have a question. Can on have more than one nemesis? Is there even a proper plural for the word nemesis? This is an ongoing debate between myself and a friend who claims to have a pair of nemeses, while I say everybody only gets one. What’s the dope?