So, just basically post in The Pit, then.
To The King of Soup and all interested parties:
Re: antagonists
I currently find my self eyeball-deep in antagonists at my place of work. As such, I really have a pressing need to “thin the herd” as it were and would be more than happy to work out some sort of deal. A couple of the antagonists are quite large so shipping costs could be a bitch.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
dwyr, the beleaguered
dwyr, I don’t personally know anyone in our antagonist-removal division (inter-departmental fraternization is discouraged for obvious reasons) but I’ll see if I can have someone call you. I can say that unless you have clear proof of ownership, we wouldn’t touch the case with a ten-foot pole (our only eleven-foot pole, unfortunately, is broken). If you purchased them from a competitor, then we might recycle them for a small fee. Antagonists are not recyclable as such (quality antagonism can’t be transferred from its original object) and can only sometimes be resold as general nuisances (the very bottom of the line). If you purchased from Samson, well, we’ll be happy to pick them up at a cost to you of twenty times the purchase price, plus a small restocking fee, plus an eight-percent environmental impact assessment, plus everything you have in the world. Ever. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
vibrotronica, I’m not an authority, just a humble sales rep. who is willing to take what was a pretty marginal joke to begin with and run it twelve feet into the ground. Modern usage being what it is, I’d hesitate to correct your friend’s vernacular. Classically, there is only one Nemesis, just as there is only one Persephone. If your friend is sure of his terms, he may simply be misidentifying his tormentors. If there are more than one, what he’s got are probably Erinyes, especially if he hasn’t been nice enough to his mom and/or dad, or told an injudicious lie. In that case, he really should apologize and start burning the right aromatic herbs before madness sets in, because this is a difficult enough process when you have all your faculties intact. Of course, he may simply have come to us and ordered the Platinum Plus+ package (our second most expensive program), in which case he is undoubtedly having the time of his life and shame on you for interfering.
Remember the name: Samson Antagonistes, where you have a friend in the enemy business.
I wanted a Nemesis once, but they never went into production. I probably couldn’t afford one anyway.
(Crunchy, just before I go into training as your nemesis: is there a way you can train yourself to wake up a certain time? I barely need my alarm clock anymore, the biocircadian rhythm is so ingrained in me…)
Why can’t I be the nemesis of two people, eh? 
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
Well I don’t know CynicalGabe and maybe I don’t want to be his friend. Maybe Gabe’s an asshole (no offense, Gabe). Or, we become friends in our righteous fight against you and all you stand for and the next thing I know, he’s IMing me all the time when he sees I’m online to the point I have to pretend not to be online so I don’t get to chat with my other friends. Then he starts calling me all hours of the day and night, but he hangs up the phone when my wife answers and so she thinks I’m having an affair. Of course she doesn’t believe the truth that the caller is my ally in the fight against my nemesis, leading to marital strife and I end up living in the basement. Then I don’t need to worry about the alarm clock waking me, because I can’t get any sleep on that damn couch anyway.
How dare you put me in that position! Damn you, fiend! DAMN YOU!!!
While I lack the original warranty papers I doubt my particular antagonists came from your obviously fine establishment seeing as how they are government antagonists and thus obviously provided by the lowest-bid contractor. Hence their decided lack of quality.
Oh, well. Perhaps I can scrape up enough for some additional targeted antagonists and have a jolly round of mutual assured destruction. It’s been a little boring today.
Aye. Get your computer a HAL program. I got a HAL for cheap amusement and whenever I try to have a conversation with him, he amuses me and pisses me off all at the same time. An excellent nemesis, I say. He’s great. I hate his guts.
Don’t think it’s over harmless. I’m just biding my time, waiting for the perfect oppurtunity to expose myself…er, wait. Is that what the line says? Hang on. Let me get my glasses. Are we still rolling?
Yay! A Nemisisis!
I don’t think you were him, but you’ll do. 
Have at thee, varlet!
Just a case of being at the right place at the right time.
Now that I’ve outed myself, I guess there is no need for subterfuge.
I will beat you harmless. I WILL BEAT YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!
::thunk clunk crash::
Okay. The script did say exit stage left right?
What do you mean not my left? What other left is there?
Uh-huh. So the writer was facing the stage when he wrote the line so I have to move to the audience’s left? What happens if he writes the line while on a tilt-a-whirl? Didja think o’ that? Didja?
Really? That would make me quite dizzy. Nevermind. I have a job to do.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. 
: strolls away whistling :