10:30 a.m. - carefully plan out busy day with beloved; allocate tasks, leading up to bagpipe lesson at 4, barbeque with her family at 6:30 (fortunately, least-favourite brother-in law will not be there.) Confirm with her exactly what items of her clothing I am to launder for her trip to major conference tomorrow.
10:31 - cannot find my house/car keys; ask beloved. She says to take her car keys. Exit house with beloved.
10:32 - lock doorknob lock on leaving; try to lock deadbolt; discover no house key on beloved’s set of car keys. Inquire of beloved why there is no house key.
10:33 - beloved advises that some time ago she took the house key off her car key-ring because it was getting too heavy, and put it on separate ring.
10:34 - inquire of beloved if she has house key. Beloved replies that she wasn’t able to find her house keys; thought I had my other set of house keys.
10:35 - pause for reflection.
10:45 - drop beloved at her office.
11:00 - go to my office (closed on Saturdays) to get spare house key from my desk, stashed there with exactly this emergency in mind.
11:10 - hang around until co-worker with keys arrives.
11:30 - get emergency house key from desk.
11:45 to 12:45 p.m. - grocery shopping; dry-cleaners; fulfill all allocated tasks. Return in triumph to house.
12:46 - discover emergency house key does not work.
12:47 - ruminate.
12:48 - remember that we changed locks after getting rid of suspicious cleaning person 3 years ago. Conclude I forgot to update special emergency key at office.
12:49 - ruminate.
12:50 - remember that gave spare key to parents two years ago when we went on big trip and they watched our house.
12:51 to 1:10 - drive to parents’ condo.
1:11 - ask Dad for spare key; he says, “what spare key? gave it back to you long ago.” Mother asks how the crazy dog is doing. Dad asks computer question. Mother and Dad both compliment me on the new paint job on the house.
1:12 to 1:22 - simultaneously deal with dog inquiry, computer problem, compliments on new paint job, while searching parents’ condo for keys.
1:12 to 1:30 - locate spare key, much to Dad’s suprise. Asks why he has a key?? Explain; remind about trip two years ago. Deal with his counter-argument that he returned the key, and that this cannot be the key.
1:31 - leave condo.
1:32 to 1:51 - return to house.
1:52 - try key.
1:53 - OPEN DOOR!!!
1:54 to 2:00 - re-evaluate entire day’s schedule, now thown completely out of whack.
2:01 to 5:45 - launder specially designated items of beloved’s clothing; prepare pastry for pies for barbeque; discover that mental stress triggers special crumbling factor in pastry; labouriously piece together crusts by hand, after crusts mysteriously fall apart while rolling; peel apples; blanch peaches; placate crazy dog; bake pies.
5:46 - realise that missed bagpipe lesson; recall that crusty (different kind) Scottish instructor has warned me that other people want the spot in class if I don’t; ruminate on chances of having lost spot, after having been on waiting list for some time.
5:47 to 6:00 - pick up beloved from her office.
6:01 to 6:15 - return home.
6:16 to 7:00 - collect pies (hot! hot! - no pie carrier!!) from house; collect crazy dog; drive to campsite for BBQ.
7:01 - arrive at campsite.
7:02 - discover that least-favourite brother-in-law was able to make it after all.
7:03 to 12:00 midnight - drink heavily.
12:01 to 12:20 a.m. - beloved drives us home.
12:21 - beloved mentions that she has a few things to do before going to bed, to be ready for conference.
12:25 - proudly show beloved items of clothing specially laundered and ready. Beloved thanks profusely.
12:26 - beloved asks about the other items she asked to be laundered; are they done yet? in the dryer?
12:27 - moment of panic.
12:28 - beloved remembers that she forgot to ask me to launder those items.
12:29 to 1:00 - launder requested items; hang to dry. Beloved remembers additional items; I assure her I will do them in the morning.
1:00 to 2:00 - surf SDMB, while waiting for beloved to finish her list of items.
2:01 - go to bed.
5:30 A.M.!! - alarm sounds!!
5:31 - beloved explains she has to go back to the office to finish off a few things.
5:40 - beloved leaves; collapse into sleep-deprived stupor.
10:00 - beloved returns; begins packing; asks about additional items she asked to be laundered.
10:01 - realise that sleep deprivation triggers memory loss, particularly with regard to requests for laundry.
10:02 to 11:30 - launder special items; curse slowness of dryer.
11:31 to 11:35 - beloved advises that conference organisers have sent two conflicting itineraries for airplane departure time. Review itineraries with beloved; we conclude must treat both as operational, to ensure she makes plane.
12 noon - leave for airport with beloved, to make Hypothetical Departure Time No. 1.
12:20 - arrive at airport, special departure area. Abandoned.
12:40 to 12:42 - return home for forgotten item.
12:43 to 12:55 - return to airport, special departure area, for Hypothetical Departure Time No. 2. Zero activity.
12:56 to 1:30 - wait at airport; beloved expresses concern about bags under my eyes, general symptoms of sleep deprivation; encourages me to go home and rest, as plane will be here soon.
1:31 - masculine instincts to see beloved onto plane finally crack; gratefully accept beloved’s suggestion.
1:51 - arrive home.
2:00-5:00 - wash dishes from pie-making frenzy; discover that every dish in kitchen apparently was required. Do week’s laundry; placate crazy dog; phone crusty Scots piping instructor to apologize; discover that locking keys in house, while embarrasing, appears to be universally humerous; win reprieve; finally relax with “Have His Carcase” by Sayers; beloved phones to advise arrived safely.