Help me make it so I can talk to my gf/fix problems w/ parents

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, here’s the story:

I call my gf for about 15 min a day, long distance. It’s not very expensive, maybe 4 or 5 cents a min.

My parents say I can’t call my gf anymore because the phone bill is too high.

My sister calls long distance to one of her friends (I mean REALLY long distance) for an hour at a time. This is the real reason our phone bill is too high.

I get blamed because I’m the one on the phone for 20 min** every** night while my sister is only on every other night (for an hour long distance).

My parents call my gf’s parents and make it so I can’t talk to her, they won’t let me talk to her at all now.

I tried to tell my parents that 50 cents a day (especially when I usually pay for most of the phone bill, my sister’s part included) isn’t that bad, and if they didn’t want me to call long distance to my gf’s house they should’ve reconsidered sending me to a school so far away, if I had stayed at the school where I used to go it would not be long distance to my friends. It’s expected that I make friends where I go to school and it’s expected that I talk to them out of school. I can’t think of a way around that, it’s just normal.

I’m f*cked.

Any suggestions?

2

Is it possible to get an itemised bill from the phone company? Then both you and your sister could pay for your own calls.

3

How about some prepaid calling cards? Then they would never know who you called.

4

Tansu has the only answer that is going to save you.

5

Arguing that your folks shouldn’t have moved you to your new school isn’t going help much - most likely they’ll dig in their heels.

An itemised bill may help, but you said that you pay most of it anyway. Do you have your own phoneline? Would your parents let you have one put in?

Best thing I can think of is to keep in touch with your girlfriend by email/ICQ type stuff. See if your folks will let you call her once a week or fortnight.

Kal

PS, the email option isn’t too bad - while my wife was in the US finishing her degree that’s mostly how we kept in touch.

6

Hey again everyone,
Thanks for any of your ideas, anything helps.

We do have an itemised bill, and when I can I pay for all of my charges. I can’t afford to put in another line (where I am that would be hundreds of dollars instillation and a monthly fee well beyond my budget) and I can’t afford a car to occasionally see her. I’m 17 and I can’t afford the insurance, and my parents said I cannot use their car because it’s new.

My job is a joke, just a camp counslor, maybe $600 a year. My location makes it the only possible job offer, I’ve tried every other place and all require for me to get my own transportation.

I live in the most rural area, and being far from my gf and being far from any work I can’t afford to do a lot of things.

Should my parents help me by allowing me to call my gf? Or should I suck it up and accept where I live and not talk to my gf?

Can anyone think of a way for me to strech my budget (max of $600 a year) to make it possible to do what I’d like to do?

7

Oh, and I tried the prepaid calling cards, but my parents recently told me that I can’t call her using them because “it keeps the phone busy.”

Again, thanks to anyone who can think of anything, I’ve thought about it as much as I can and I just needed some new ideas.

8

Parents can have a thing about teenagers hogging the phone - it’s irritating to pay for a phoneline and then have 9 out of 10 phonecalls be for your kids.

Promise (and mean it) to cut back on the calls, once a week or so. It won’t be much but it’s better than nothing. You’d also be able to save a little money towards a vehicle of some kind. It won’t be much, but it would help.

How far do live from your girlfriend? Too far to use a bicycle?

9

Why not use your computer to make calls, isn’t that free with dialpad?

10

I’m sorry clayton. It sounds like your parents don’t want you in communication with your girlfriend, period; it doesn’t really have to do with money.

Are they letting your sister continue calling her friends?

You should probably write a letter explaining how you think that they are being unfair in their treatment of you, preferably with cold hard examples. You might point out that this is an important phase in your life where you are trying to establish a more mature relationship with them and that being treated fairly and like a mature person will make for a better relationship with them in years to come.

11

Parent of three teenagers here.

I smell a little more here than just a phone bill.

You’re mad at your parents because they sent you away to school. Perhaps you were having problems at your old school that caused your parents to want to get you out of there, and they’d really prefer it that you didn’t have any contact with your old friends from there?

You say it’s your sister who really ties up the phone, and you have the itemized phone bills to prove it. Have your parents restricted your sister’s phone use at all?

In your first post you said you “usually” pay for “most” of the phone bill. Later you added “when I can.” I’m not saying you’re a liar, but I am saying that your your interpretation of “most” and your parents’ idea of “most” may not be exactly the same.

Who else do you talk to besides your girlfriend? Are you really only spending 15 minutes a night on the phone, or are you spending an hour or more a night on the phone, of which 15 minutes happens to be your girlfriend?

You say that “it’s expected that I make friends where I go to school and it’s expected that I talk to them out of school.” May I ask who expects that?

I suspect that you, your sister and your parents are stuck with a single phone line that you’re also using for Internet access and you all are fighting over who gets to use it, when, and for how long. Much like a family sharing a single bathroom.

I should take your parents’ side 100% but I will offer a suggestion. Can you request that your parents give you a block of X minutes per night for you to use to call your friends, check your email, etc. Your sister would also get a block, and you’d both have to use prepaid cards for your long distance charges.

Of course, if you don’t use your block one night, that doesn’t give you two blocks the next night – a phone line is not an elastic commodity.

12

Have you considered a cell phone? Around here, we have plans that involve buying a phone and then paying a flat rate of around 30$ monthly for unlimited service. Any long distance calls on top of that are 5-7 cents a minute. Unfortunately, it sounds as if your parents are to the point where any contact with your girlfriend is going to be frowned upon. Do they disapprove of your relationship for some reason, or is all of this completely out of the blue?

As for how you can stretch your budget, well–that just depends. 600$ a year works out to 50 a month. How often do you go out? Buy cds/clothes/food etc.? Is there anything you’d be willing to cut out long enough to save up for a vehicle (keeping in mind that a vehicle is quite expensive to maintain and insure)? Do you have a relative or family friend buying a new car who’d work something out with you as far as taking over their old one?
In the long run though, my guess is that you’re probably going to need to look for ways to make a little more money. Can you babysit for locals? Do any other teens live around you who head into town to work and would be willing to carpool? Can you market a skill like mechanical know-how or tutoring? Being removed from town makes it tough, good luck.

bella

13

Yeah. If they don’t want you calling her because it’s expensive, and you solve that problem, and oh they don’t want you calling her because it ties up the phone line, there’s clearly something else going on here. You can either a) find out what it is and solve that problem, or b) find a solution that doesn’t involve them at all. Email or IM/ICQ would work, and handy is right that there are ways to use the internet to make phone calls for free.

I’m unclear as to your living situation, though. Do you live at home or at school?

14

Kal, Good idea about the cuttiong back of the calls

Handy, I’m on a 24k connection, too slow for dialpad. I’ve tried it on a few connections, but I guess anything below cable is too slow.

Zyada,
yes, they’re letting my sister continue her calls, I’ve pointed this out but it never really turns out that well.

  • I do like the idea of writing out a letter trying to explain how things should be and what I’d do to make sure it’s fair.

Kunilou,

  • I’m not really mad about going to this new school. A couple years ago I was, but time has passed, I’ve met new friends and I met my gf, so I am happy being there. I really only keep in contact with a couple people from my old school, mostly through e-mail and irc, and those arn’t really a problem with my parents.

  • Whenever I can I do pay the phone bills, I mean a good 50 percent of the time that I call my gf it’s from a phone card of mine or I do something like mow the lawn and don’t get paid for it.

  • I pretty much only talk to my gf on the phone, all of my other communications are on the net. Sometimes I talk to a friend of mine locally but usually I talk to him online or I go meet him somewhere, so that’s never really been a problem with them.

  • I would assume that any parent would want their kid to make some friends, and to have friends you generally have to talk to them outside of school. Think of it as a friendship with someone at work. If you only talk to them or see them at work can it be nearly as strong a friendship as one where you talk to them and meet them in a non work environment?

  • You’re right about everyone arguing over who can use the phone and when, but the net service isn’t much of a problem, I’m on at times when nobody else is around or when it’s later at night. Being on the line 15 min a day isn’t really hogging the line.

  • I do like the idea of the block of time with phone cards, I’ll look into that.

belladonna,

  • I live in a VERY rural area, cell phone’s don’t have service. I’ve asked a few companies about it but none cover this area.

  • That $600 is very available for whatever I need, it’s not dedicated to anything at this point. Buying a car isn’t much of a problem, a few friends of my parents have offered me a car for a couple hundred dollars or less, It’s the insurance and the maintenence costs which are the real problem (the cheepest insurance for my age, gender, and location is $1,000 minimum).
    But that $600 is free for whatever I’d like it to be for, but I’m leaving for college at the end of next year, so I can’t save up another $600 from next year, that’s when I go into debt for college.

  • I can’t really babysit for locals, that’s been my sister’s job for the couple local kids.

  • Nobody else goes into town in my area, all who work go north to another town which I’ve already asked every business (it’s a small town) for any employment options.

  • The only marketable skill I have is the one I’ve been teaching for the last few years at the camp. There are no other competing camps in this area.

White Lightning,

  • There is something else going on here, I just wish I knew what it is. Anytime I approach the subject the whole teen-parent clash happens. I’m still trying to find a way around that to figure out what I can do to fix the problem.
  • I live at home.
  • My gf isn’t like us, though. She might check her e-mail once a month and she shares that account with her parents. I’m working on getting her more into the online life, but she’s not a person who uses the net much.
    And again, thank you all for anything, all of your suggestions and just for talking with me. It really means a lot to me.

Thanks,
Clay

15

Kal, Good idea about the cuttiong back of the calls

Handy, I’m on a 24k connection, too slow for dialpad. I’ve tried it on a few connections, but I guess anything below cable is too slow.

Zyada,
yes, they’re letting my sister continue her calls, I’ve pointed this out but it never really turns out that well.

  • I do like the idea of writing out a letter trying to explain how things should be and what I’d do to make sure it’s fair.

Kunilou,

  • I’m not really mad about going to this new school. A couple years ago I was, but time has passed, I’ve met new friends and I met my gf, so I am happy being there. I really only keep in contact with a couple people from my old school, mostly through e-mail and irc, and those arn’t really a problem with my parents.

  • Whenever I can I do pay the phone bills, I mean a good 50 percent of the time that I call my gf it’s from a phone card of mine or I do something like mow the lawn and don’t get paid for it.

  • I pretty much only talk to my gf on the phone, all of my other communications are on the net. Sometimes I talk to a friend of mine locally but usually I talk to him online or I go meet him somewhere, so that’s never really been a problem with them.

  • I would assume that any parent would want their kid to make some friends, and to have friends you generally have to talk to them outside of school. Think of it as a friendship with someone at work. If you only talk to them or see them at work can it be nearly as strong a friendship as one where you talk to them and meet them in a non work environment?

  • You’re right about everyone arguing over who can use the phone and when, but the net service isn’t much of a problem, I’m on at times when nobody else is around or when it’s later at night. Being on the line 15 min a day isn’t really hogging the line.

  • I do like the idea of the block of time with phone cards, I’ll look into that.

belladonna,

  • I live in a VERY rural area, cell phone’s don’t have service. I’ve asked a few companies about it but none cover this area.

  • That $600 is very available for whatever I need, it’s not dedicated to anything at this point. Buying a car isn’t much of a problem, a few friends of my parents have offered me a car for a couple hundred dollars or less, It’s the insurance and the maintenence costs which are the real problem (the cheepest insurance for my age, gender, and location is $1,000 minimum).
    But that $600 is free for whatever I’d like it to be for, but I’m leaving for college at the end of next year, so I can’t save up another $600 from next year, that’s when I go into debt for college.

  • I can’t really babysit for locals, that’s been my sister’s job for the couple local kids.

  • Nobody else goes into town in my area, all who work go north to another town which I’ve already asked every business (it’s a small town) for any employment options.

  • The only marketable skill I have is the one I’ve been teaching for the last few years at the camp. There are no other competing camps in this area.

White Lightning,

  • There is something else going on here, I just wish I knew what it is. Anytime I approach the subject the whole teen-parent clash happens. I’m still trying to find a way around that to figure out what I can do to fix the problem.
  • I live at home.
  • My gf isn’t like us, though. She might check her e-mail once a month and she shares that account with her parents. I’m working on getting her more into the online life, but she’s not a person who uses the net much.
    And again, thank you all for anything, all of your suggestions and just for talking with me. It really means a lot to me.

Thanks,
Clay

16

I think a pay phone and phonecard are your option. You buy it with your own money, you don’t use the family phone. What can they complain about?

StG

17

I wish it was that easy, there’s not a pay phone for 5 miles (I live in a very rural area).

I’m not trying to shut down every possiblity that you all give me, I’m really thankful that you’re all going out of your way to write anything for me.

I just have very limited options when it comes to my situation.

18

There’s not a gas station with a phone? And really - even 5 miles isn’t so far by car or bike.

StG

19

I guess biking is going to have to be the way I can get to a phone sometimes now.

20

And usually the teen-parent clash happens because the TEEN is being incredibly immature. Sorry you’re stuck with this problem, man.