The only thing is, I don’t actually know what I want you to do. I need positive thoughts. I need friends.
I’ve met some really incredible people here. Among them, some I consider to be very good friends. You guys are some of the best people I have ever come into contact with. My whole life away from the board if filled with me saying things like, “On my posting board…” and “A woman on the board I post at said…” People start to look at you funny after a while when you do that.
This is the place I come to feel like I belong. Here, I feel like part of something good. I enjoy that. Here’s the problem, I no longer belong in my everyday life.
It used to be that my life was good and things were going well. And now they are on the surface but that’s the only place. Have you ever been caught up in a really good book and when you put it down, you still feel like you’re there instead of here? That’s close to how I feel right now. But much worse. Now, I want more than anything else to be back in that book.
Normally, I would go to my best friend with how I am feeling but this time I can’t. I’m sorry for not being able to explain why but I just can’t. There is no one I can physically go to about this. I feel very, very alone and scared.
Again, I have no idea what it is I really want from anyone here. I just need something. I know this is stupid to most of you and I’m sorry. Many of you probably come here to escape from stuff like this. However, I feel slightly better having written it and I hope you’ll forgive me this once.
I know to a small extent what you are talking about. My life off the boards is so awful I would much rather live here, where people are there for me, and you.
Whatever you need us to do know that we can do it. We’re all here for you. I wish I could be of more help, but I am not the most sensitive of guys. I’m sorry.
But we are here, never forget that!
This board would be nothing without its posters experiencing life and reporting about their feelings and experiences. Maybe if you took a nice long walk, breathed in the fresh air, and listened to all the sounds around you can get a better appreciation for yourself and what you bring to the board.
I actually feel a little silly for starting this now. There are just things happening in my life right now that I am having difficulties with. There really isn’t anything anyone can do to help–I just needed a sounding board or support or something. You guys are the best for that!
The boards are a place to meet people, and you’ll find some of the very best here. There are unending soap-operas, joys, and heartaches. It’s fun, it’s exciting, and you can almost always find somebody to shoot the breeze with, whether it’s something goofy or very serious.
In short, it’s like a story that keeps on going- no end- just new moments all day long every single day.
Be careful not to get too caught up, is all I want to say. Take some time to let the boards sit- even for a week- and experience some more real life. If you just feel lonely and want us, no problem. Just don’t let the boards become a substitute for physical friendship and socialization, that’s all. If you need a break, we’ll all be here when you come back. This book doesn’t end if you close it…it keeps on going, and you can always pick right back up where you were. Don’t use the boards to avoid your real life hassles, that’s all.
Oh Beth now I feel guilty about sending you what I just sent you. I knew it would make you feel pukey, but now that you already feel bad, I think it might just push you over the edge.
Listen, if anyone understands your situation it’s me…if you’re up now and want to do the relay e-mail thing (still no ICQ, sorry) I’ll stay up all night if need be.
And I promise I won’t send one little bit of puke-inducing ickiness either!
Hi Hunnybunny! If I may relate a similar syndrome, every time I come out of a movie theatre I feel (emotionally and physically) like the protagonist (and if he’s particularly attractive, the villian.) I know it’s not exactly like your issue but it seems related. Deep down inside every one of us we are cool, neat, excellent communicators and even beautiful (at least I think so) But then that’s where public interaction comes in. We meet (in real life) too many depressive (or otherwise down people) who will take any opportinity to put down, criticize, ostracize or just plain tyr and ridicule us for no better reason than that they are just miserable losers themselves: Think about the root cause of racism, sexism or any other “ism” you can recall.
There is nothing wrong with liking this board better than “reality.” In REALITY, this board has many checks and balances against pure fantisy and hero worship. If you really were a “BAD” person, we would tell you in some way, shape or form.
You know how much we all love you here. And I feel the same way; I’m closer to some people here than I am to people I meet face to face. And like you toldme once, there are real people at the other end of the screennames.
{{{evilbeth}}}
If you have a bike that’s been in mothballs, take it down, pump up the tires and take yourself for a ride to someplace you haven’t ever visited. You’ll get some exercise, some fresh air and being in a different environment will awaken your senses.
I was so used to lying in bed with a Diet Coke watching hockey that I forgot about the world. Slowly but surely, I’m trying to find my way back to the land of the living.
The fog is lifting.
btw, I’d also like to thank the wonderful folks here for being so supportive and kind. It is appreciated more than anyone can possibly fathom.
I can understand the way you feel Beth. I’ve felt much the same lately (sadly) for the past few weeks. I’ve been alone a lot, sort of blue and a tad disinterested in everything. My posts have been few too. I think it’s a good case of the end-of-winter-blues that has been getting to me and maybe you too.
