Help me polish a turd

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m designing an art exhibit titled “Polishing a Turd”.

First item is a plain, ordinary turd.

Second item will be a polished turd.

The next items in the exhibits will need to be progressively fancy turds.

Please help me come up with ideas. How might one try to literally “polish” a turd? What would it look like?

I’m also thinking a chastity-belt device married with an extruder nozzle would produce interesting decorative pasta-shapes, like turd stars and such.

Also, what diet might produce the best exhibit?

2

an “art” exhibit?

What a pile of crap :smack:

3

I think you need to have at least one laquered turd and one chrome plated turd. As far as contents, I would like to suggest corn and peanuts, maybe some veggies for fiber and some artificially colored products for color.

4

I’m pretty sure something like this already exists, although it may only be a design concept.

5

You have to lick it like an ice cream cone.

6

Ah yes, here you go:

http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/Content/Turd_twister/twister.html

(Un - linkified for safety, although it’s not an overly offensive site, apart from being about poo shaping)

7

Polished turd?

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/9069/

8

Sounds like a shitty art exhibit to me.

Not sure how to polish the turd, but may I suggest eating some cooked spinach or cooked mixed greens, the green stripe will add charactor IMHO.

9

How about electro-plating a turd - it ought to be possible - start with a nice firm one, embed a wire in it, then alternate it between the freezer and the plating bath until there’s a good layer of metal on it. You might need to poke it a bit to get it submerged, but if you have a low-flush toilet, you’re probably already highly skilled at that.

10

Sprinkle Brigade

11

You need a coprolite (fossilized turd).

12

A Doily.
For the polished turd to rest on.
Or a Silver platter.

Paper plate for the unpolished turd.

13

For inspiration:

A Faberge Poop Bowl

14

The point is that you can’t!

15

Bring a cup.

16

Step 1. Know the difference between shit and shinola.

17

Thinking back to the movie Christine, based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, Will Darnell looks at Arnie’s 1957 Plymouth Fury and opines, “You can’t polish a turd.”

18

Sure you can.

19

Well, first you’re going to need to assemble a few supplies:

  1. one of those little nets people use to scoop fish out of aquariums
  2. shoe shine kit
  3. shoe polish (brown)

Since you’re new at this, you’re going to need a lot of practice to perfect your craft. The personal manufacturing capabilities of a single person are likely insufficient for you to hone your skills in any reasonable time frame, so your highest priority should be on increasing your supply of practice material. Hanging around a few restrooms and politely asking people not to flush when they’re done ought to do the trick. (Don’t forget to bring your net!)

Once you’re ready to get started, use the same guidelines you would for a nice leather shoe. I’d recommend a wax polish for a glossy shine. Consider applying a protective non-silicone finish when you’re done to repel water and stains.

20

If it can be done with just mud, surely it can be done with poo.