Help me think of fun messages for fortune cookies!

I am preparing some homemade fortune cookies for my sweetie for Valentine’s Day, and I’m going to have more than I need. I’m also going to be going to an event with several women from my chorus, and I thought it would be fun to take some for them, too. I was trying to think of a bunch by myself, and I realized I was neglecting a wonderful resource in the Dope!

I’d like their fortunes to be funny, not serious. They all have excellent senses of humor, so slightly insulting is okay. :slight_smile: Because we all sing together, musical puns are welcome.

I hope you didn’t eat the ‘chicken’

Take the time to enjoy the trip of a lifetime. You will return with genital warts.

Duck!!!

You have the keen mind of a chess champion. Remember to change the formaldehyde, or it will spoil.

The one you love is closer than you think. Run, while you still can.

Our first and last love is…self love. Remember to lock the door though.

You have the curves of a french horn, and the fingering’s just as complex.

It’s a bad day to be superstitious

Your lucky number is 185,494,272,001.98.

Dont forget the time-tested classic:

Help! I’m being held hostage in a Chinese Fortune Cookie factory!

I made custom fortune cookies once and brought them out at an alumni party.
Had specific fortunes like “Your lucky colors are [the team colors]”

You are about to eat a fortune cookie.

From Penn & Teller:

The chef spit in your food.

“This Cookie is temporarily out of order, we appologise for the inconvienience.”

The next one requires you put 2 messages in same cookie
One reads: “You are witty, urbane, well rounded, and your friends and loved ones think highly of you!”
2nd one reads “Don’t believe everything you read”

“See Previous Cookie”

“Fortune void if cookie broken”

“Dear American Business Person: I represent a Nigerian Fortune Cookie millionaire…”

regards
FML

Lucky numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

‘That wasn’t chicken’

‘That lump is cancer’

You roundeye white devils will eat anything, won’t you?

“Moo goo gai pan” is Cantonese for rats’ assholes.

Heh. I like all the ones I’ve seen, but this might be my favorite so far.

I knew you guys wouldn’t let me down!

We’ve done this before. Lessee if I can remember what I wrote then:
**Inspected by No. 42

You will be visited by a …(Continued on next cookie)
Subscribe to Chinese Restaurant Quarterly!

Your waiter is sneaking up behind you with a very large cleaver…Be sure to leave a good tip.

Best if served before August 1992

Errata – In Column B “Moo Pai Goo Pan” should be “Moo Goo Gai Pan”

Hershey’s…Hershey’s…Hershey’s…

AT&T 45 7/8…IBM 27 5/8…CCH …221B…

This is an edible grenade, and you have just pulled the pin. Run.

Your Lucky Numbers – 四十二 三十七 二十五 六十二 八十

**

No really great suggestions, I just want your recipe for making your own fortune cookies. Assuming you have tested it before and know it’s good, that is :wink:

Of course! I made them for the first time yesterday, and they were tasty. Mr. Stuff got his this morning and liked them, both the idea and the cookies themselves.

Fortune Cookies

2 1/3 ounces bread flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 egg whites

  1. Combine flour and remaining ingredients in a food processor; process until blended. Scrape batter into a bowl using a rubber spatula; cover and chill 1 hour.

  2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

  3. Cover 2 large baking sheets with parchment paper. Draw 3 3" circles on paper. Turn paper over; secure with masking tape. Spoon 1 tsp. batter into center of each of the 3 drawn circles; spread evenly to fill circle.

  4. Bake one sheet at 400 degrees for 5 minutes or until the cookies are brown just around the edges. Remove from oven. Working quickly, loosen edges of cookies with a spatula, and turn over.

  5. Lay the handle of a wooden spoon and a prepared fortune along the center of 1 cookie. Fold cookie over so the edges meet over the spoon handle; press edges together. Remove spoon. Gently pull the ends of the cookie down over the rim of a small bowl (or jar); hold for a few seconds or until set. Repeat procedure with remaining cookies.

  6. Repeat procedure until all the batter is used. Cool cookies completely; store in an airtight container.
    I did actually use bread flour because I have some, but I don’t expect that the consequences will actually be tragic if you just use all-purpose.

You are deathly allergic to monosodium glutamate.

Thanks!! I do love me some fortune cookies :smiley:

(Just to make sure I have it right: you bake them ON the paper, right?)

You are about to take a short sea voyage.