Okay, I realise that the url only directs you to the front page so try going to either Haute Couture/Spring-Summer 2004/Classics and then click on “Indowestern” and you’ll see what I’m talking about. The prices seem about equivalent to a very nice suit and you’ll be able to wear it again.
Thanks for that…I found this one which is absolutely beautiful and IMO perfect for a wedding this one
Also the suggestion of a morning wedding is a good one in terms of less expense, but I really don’t know if FH will go for it. I will see what he thinks. Most of us are not early risers, so I’m not sure how well it will go over, but I’ll discuss it with him.
Thanks to everyone else for your suggestions. I will post back when we finalise our plans 
Darn, that also goes straight to the home page! It’s under 2005 collection indowestern…the white suit. It’s really really pretty.
That’s a mimosa. A bellini has peach nectar/peaches.
A lot of people see weddings as these pageants with established patterns to which they must conform regardless of their (or worse, their relatives’) capacity to pay for it.
A wedding is merely a magnified version of your own best social life. It is far more appropriate (and prudent) to put on a party that you can pay for than to endebt yourself to get all the princess trappings.
Check out the Miss Manners books for tips on entertaining within your means. If it means skipping the open bar, skip the open bar; to my knowledge, the Constitution does not require there to be unlimited alcohol at wedding receptions.
If your fiance wants an open bar, have him ask his mom to pay for it. Then she’ll be contributing to the wedding costs (like you wanted), he’ll get alcohol served (like he wanted), and everyone will be happy.
As for the dress thing, wear what you like. I prefer dresses instead of pants for comfort…dresses are (can be) loose and floaty, with nice breezy options, while pants are tight around the waist and hot around the knees. Depends on your idea of comfort, I guess.
I haven’t read all the posts, but here’s what I’d advise you to do:
First, the unfortunate fact that your parents have passed away eliminates the cultural/social expectations of the bride funding the wedding. Why? Because that custom operates under the premise that a girl’s father is providing the wedding as a dowry. When the father is not alive, may he rest in peace, that obligation does not stand. Moreover, the money your parents left you does not go towards any lavish expenditures, such as a wedding. That money is to be used for YOUR personal sustenance (at least until you are married, then it is shared), for YOUR lifelong financial security. The cost of the wedding does not fit into this equation.
Second, your future In-laws, as the only remaining “parents” between you and your fiancee, should not only extend the courtesy of at least offering to fund the wedding, but they should indeed foot the entire bill. In effect, they are supposed to become your surrogate parents; it is their duty to assume this role in circumstances where the bride’s parents are deceased.
The only reason they shouldn’t be expected to pay for the entire wedding is if this isn’t your first one (again, sorry if it’s been mentioned earlier in the posts). In this scenario, whether or not your parents were alive, the bride and groom split the costs of the wedding evenly. You would pay your portion, and he, his. If, however, he insists on an open bar, and any other lavish amenities, he must assume 100% of the extra costs associated with that luxury. And if you are remarrying, hence paying half of the expenses, budgeting is crucial. Make sure you stand firm on how much you’re willing to spend; do not be pressured to pay a penny more. Remember, his parents are still around to provide their son with financial support…but you must behave more prudently in the absence of such ongoing support.
Even if your parents were with you today, the bride would traditionally make all the decisions for the wedding anyway; your fiancee cannot have his cake and eat yours, too!
In terms of dress, the whole point of planning a wedding ceremony is to continue with the aspect of tradition. Therefore, whether or not this is your first marriage, you should wear a dress. Why? Because if this wedding really was casual, you wouldn’t be spending so much on it. Instead, you would’ve called it a “celebration of a union,” and held a BBQ in your backyard, a dinner at a restaurant, or whatever else would be more fitting of business formal/casual attire. Wear a dress, preferably white (or red, if you’re Chinese); if you’re remarrying, wear whatever color you want. Now, the dress doesn’t have to be a ballgown, but it should be fancy/formal, and accompanied by a nice hairpiece, nylon stockings, dressy shoes, jewelry, and anything else that’ll make you stand out from the rest of the guests. As a bride, you are expected to be the center of attention, so please act like it. (Even if it means looking girlie).
Well, I hope that helps, and I really think your fiancee’s parents are dumbshits for not offering to pay. But I don’t really know them that well, so I’ll let you be the judge. Good luck!
This is both of our first weddings and I agree that his parents are dumbshits (his father is constantly broke and lives with us at the moment. His mom is just a stingy cow). We do have a child together if that makes any difference.
FH has nixed the idea of a morning wedding. He wants something after sunset. So I told him that he is going to have to come up with the money for the open bar because that’s what he wants. He is doing up his list of people he wants to invite today so by tonight we should have an idea of the guest list and can work on a proper budget from there. We have a DJ who is going to play for free and I’m pretty sure the photographer will do it for either free or cost (I used to work for him). The venue is a friend’s parents’ garden and the reception will be held at their bar/restaurant (which is closed for the summer) so none of those will cost anything apart from chair/tent hire for the actual ceremony. The main cost is going to be food/drink. Ugh! I really hate planning stuff LOL.
“I’m supposed to be getting married in October (although the way he’s been acting lately, that might not happen), but I’m going ahead with my questions anyway.:)”
“My fiance has no money and doesn’t want to ask his mother for any for the wedding.”
“I don’t want an open bar, the fiance does. I want to compromise… I just don’t think we can afford it but he is insisting.”
With all due respect, the least of your worries is whether or not you should be wearing a pant suit to your wedding. Your fiancee may be a great guy, but has some growing up to do before you should ever consider entering a legal union with him.
He doesn’t want to ask mom for it, he can’t afford it, yet he is insisting that it happen. Either he is hinting that you use up more of your INHERITANCE to pay for vodka and tonics for his friends or he is living in fiscal fantasyland where outflows can exceed inflows. Don’t know which is worse.
Reality: An open bar would be nice, but you cannot afford it. If he cannot accept this, then that is a huge red flag. Today it’s a cash bar, tomorrow it’s a little red sports car that he really, really wants.
On a related note, I’m mystifed why anyone would consider foregoing a nice dinner that everyone would enjoy in order to accomodate the handful of guests who would be insulted that their mixed drinks weren’t included. Here’s a hint for them: If they balk about paying for their drink of choice, then it’s over their budget, too.
Again, thanks for everyone’s input. Looks like me and FH have a lot to talk about!
One more quick question. Since both my parents are dead, how do I word the invitations? Is there any specific protocol?
If you’re ordering printed invitations, the printer probably has samples, but I’ve seen it as “Miss Biddee Whatsit and Mr. Frank Howdedoo request the pleasure of your company at…”
This is YOUR money and YOUR wedding. I second all of the people who say that if your FH wants an open bar, he needs to be the one getting the money for it. Although asking your FMIL outright for cash is not a good way to go.
Even in a traditional wedding, the groom’s family is still supposed to pay for some things, such as the bride’s flowers and ring. There are lists on the wedding boards (like the knot) if you’re interested. Obviously, they’re more a set of guidelines than concrete set-in-stone rules, but you might want to show them to your FH.
You can wear whatever you like, it doesn’t even have to be white. As long as you feel that you look your best and will be comfortable (and don’t offend any sensibilities if the wedding will be in a religious ceremony), go with it.
Invitation wise: if the wedding is going to be in a religious ceremony, or in a place of worship, you should “request the honour of your presence”, if it’s a civil ceremony “pleasure of your company”. Other than that it’s exactly like MLS has it, the two of you are hosting, so it’s the two of you who do the inviting. If you want to acknowledge your parents, a dedication in the programme, or a song or reading in the service would be appropriate.
I’m getting married in Spetember, but it’s here in Ireland, so thankfully an open bar is not the “done thing”…mostly because it would be cripplingly expensive, and lead to much more trouble than it’s worth. Some stereotypes are truer than we like to think!
As you’re paying for the wedding yourself, the wedding is being hosted by you. So according to my wedding planning book the invitation should read -
“[Bride’s name] and [Groom’s name]
request the company of
[Guest name]
at their marriage
at [venue]”
That is GORGEOUS, and perfect for a casual-ish wedding!
I’m going to have to disagree with some posters that having a cash bar (or partially cash bar) is tacky. Open bars vs. cash bars are a regional thing - some regions will expect a cash bar, some will expect an open bar, and some will not be surprised at either. If you are in a region where an open bar is expected, then yes, it will seem tacky, but this is not the case everywhere. Where I live (Boston, but wedding will be in Manchester, NH), either option is acceptable, and I have been to weddings with both.
Biddee, if you have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, then it’s likely that these are not the norm in your area, and I wouldn’t recommend it. Wine and beer would be fine in this situation, with no hard liquor.
I do think that if your fiance wants an open bar, then he should be the one that has to come up with the money to pay for it. Open bars can be very expensive. Sit him down and figure out how much an open bar will cost (some locations charge a certain amount hourly per person, so you will have a set price beforehand). He may see that it really is too expensive for your budget, or he may realize that he can come up with the money on his own.
Another option is having an open bar for a set amount of time, then changing to a cash bar. My sister had this for her wedding - the first hour was open bar, after that it was a cash bar. It’s cheaper than a full open bar, and your guests still get some free drinks.
Bianca Jagger wore a white trouser suit when she married Mick, and looked stunning.
This is YOUR wedding (and your soon-to-be-spouses)–do it the way YOU want to do it, regardless of what is “traditional” or what others may expect. Ideally, the people invited to your wedding are those with whom you would want to share this moment–and if they’re balking at open bar, alcohol served, food, the way the invitations are worded, then quite honestly, do they deserve to be there at all? (I think not.) Forget what is “traditional”–not to be snarky, but having a kid before a wedding in not exactly traditional either. Don’t worry about if wearing pants are acceptable or not, it’s YOUR wedding.
And, I can say this as a parent of two older daughters (who are both still single). I think weddings are the financial responsibilities of those getting married. If you can’t afford to pay for your own wedding, then you shouldn’t be getting married. Every single time someone else pays for something (anything!) you have their rules you need to play by–and honestly, playing by someone else’s rules with a wedding is not a place where I’d feel comfortable working in a compromise.
I did something similar with my first wedding. The reception was a sit-down lunch where there was wine and champagne served, and instead of going the way of a full open bar, the restaurant gave us the choice of setting a limit. We figured since it was a luncheon and that my family weren’t heavy drinkers, we set a limit that worked out to about 2 drinks per guest, and once that passed, it would be a cash bar. It wasn’t until the lunch was almost over when that limit passed, and it was only a few folks (ex-in-laws) that were still hitting the bar by that time.
We were paying for the wedding almost completely (my family paid for about 10% of it), and there were things that were more important to us than getting everyone schnockered.
It’s polite and proper to offer free refreshments to your guests, but if people are planning to drinking heavily at your wedding, then it’s not your duty to have to pay the hefty bill if you’re on a tight budget.
After a year of planning our wedding (Crunchy Frog did nothing really but say "Just tell me when to be there.) , and being stressed to the max over the finacial strain of it all…we ended up taking our money and went to Vegas.
We are both in our early 30’s and is our first marriage. We had everything planned out, my dress bought, hall booked, meal chosen, cake decided…and when it came down to it, we just didnt want to deal with it anymore. (there were alot of really stupid things happening surrounding it) We changed plans in mid stream and bumped the date up by 6 months…hopped a plane and was married that same day we arrived.
It was relatively cheaper…aside from the total amount we lost on deposists, but we still made out better finacially then had we had the big formal wedding.
So my advice is, if youre worried about the finacial part of it, and dont want to really risk having the MIL-to-be, invade things with her opinions on how things should go, should she contribute, go to VEGAS!!
Because its really about the two of you anyway, and not some big broo-haa for everyone to get a free meal. It should be fun and enjoyable…not stressful.
BTW…I was married in a denim mini skirt and a St. Louis Cardinals jersey…hows that for comfort! 
2k buys you a nice 5 day trip, hotel and arifar included.
Oh one more thing I wanted to mention about Vegas…
I forgot that altho we paid 2k for our trip, the time of season will be different for pirces. We were married in October of '04, and I believe that is why it was relatively cheaper.
I will say this, should you consider going to Vegas to get married, check around the different hotels, alot of times they offer some really good internet rates. I know the Sahara offers $39.99/night rooms during the fall season, and is not that bad. It is one of , if not the last, Pack Rat casinos that are left. We booked ours through a travel agency, and managed to get a good deal.
Marriage license is $50.00, and depending on the type of wedding package you choose from what ever (gazillion) wedding chapel you choose, you can get married for as low as $50.00 (simple ceremony and certifacte)
We opted for a little more, and had our wedding broadcast online for my mom, being that she was to sick to accompany us, and any other family members that wanted to watch along. Total cost for my wedding, 36 pictures, certificate, web broadcast, flower bouqet, and limo ride back to hotel…$175.00 (includes cost of marriage license)
BTW…certificate is not marriage license…its simply that…a certificate. The marriage license is a seperate deal. But I’m sure you knew that. 