OK, my wedding experience. I was 31, and my wife was 27, so we were old enough to know what we were doing Both my parents were alive, but her father was dead, and her mother was not really well off. So our wedding reception was on the cheap, in her mother’s (large) back yard: if it had rained on the day, we would just have had to go inside, but it didn’t rain. Friends of her mother catered the food; my father paid for the beer and wine. And everyone had a great time, with thew only serious etiqutyte blunder being that we didn’t want to leave, and started hearing complaints that others couldn’t leave until the bride and groom had left.
28 years later, we are still married, and have 4 children (all still single). If and when they do decide to get hitched, I’ll be paying for my daughter’s reception, and I’ll make a significant contribution towards my 3 sons’, like paying for the booze. But exactly how much that will be will be up to discussion: I think it’s quite possible that our daughter might want to have her reception in our (smallish) back yard.
Is that Item W5/02? Cause if I were getting married again, that’s what I’d be wearing. It’s gorgeous! Thanks for the link, Anu-La. Those are some beeyootiful clothes.
My husband and I had an open bar with a tip jar that anyone could put any amount in. We made out like bandits on that - people get really generous on “Your special day.” Most people stuffed a twenty in and had a couple of beers. We didn’t have to get the special “Selling liquor” liquor license for that, either, because we weren’t technically selling it.
I think your biggest regrets of your wedding would be where you don’t listen to your gut, and do what feels right to you. As long as what you want doesn’t negatively affect anyone else, go for it.
[QUOTE=biddee]
Again, thanks for everyone’s input. Looks like me and FH have a lot to talk about!
You sure do! I know you have received many opinions but I am going to give you one more.
First of all, your inheritance is YOURS. Do not pay for your wedding with it. I don’t know what the laws are in your state or how much money you are talking about but make sure you get a prenup so if the marriage doesn’t work out, he can not touch any of your money. In Florida, what you have before you get married remains yours but I don’t know how it is in other states.
Always keep your inheritance separate from community property even if it is only a few thousand dollars, it is yours and you just may need it some day.
If you both want to have a nice affair, you should split each and every bill as they come along. If you don’t have the money now, postpone until you do. This is giving him a chance to prove to you he is responsible and able to work towards something instead of living paycheck to paycheck. He seems to have a lot to say for someone who doesn’t have the funds together.
It is not appropriate to ask your future in laws to foot any of the bill but accept if they offer. Regarding a previous post who said the grooms family is responsible for flowers etc in a “traditional” wedding this is simply not true. The groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner and nothing else. The groom pays for the honeymoon and your wedding ring. Invitation should read as follows:
Bride’s full name
and
Groom’s full name
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
Saturday, the first of April
two thousand four
at five o’clock in the evening
St. James Cathedral
Orlando, Florida
As much as I would love to go to Vegas and get married, unfortunately my sister is flying in from Australia for the wedding plus various other friends from around the world, so I don’t think that’s really an option for us (plus, I’m not sure if we’re allowed to get married in Vegas since neither of us is a US citizen). I do like the idea of having a tip jar on the bar for contributions.
Actually that’s another thing I wanted to ask. Since we’re already living together and have all the furniture and household items we need, what the heck is appropriate for the registry? FH wants to put on the cds and DVDs he wants…lol… I just don’t have a clue. I would like to ask for money in lieu of gifts to help pay for the wedding, but even I know that that’s just gauche and definitely not the done thing. So what would you recommend?
Benzer definitely has a “brand” quality associated with it by the way…not as high as Payal Singhal or one of the extremely chichi brands but it is a pretty well-regarded and well-known fashion house in Bombay. The reason why I gave you the link was that I don’t think they’re liable to cheat you in shipping it over b/c they’re a pretty well-established brand and are known to make decent quality stuff. If you shop around, you might find better deals but it’s your wedding, treat yourself to some Indian couture and lose the headache of the unknown (especially since the currency should be in your favour).
Register for a few things that you do need so it doesn’t look like you’re soliciting cash. I’ve seen couples register for everything from the traditional china to lawn mowers and stock.
If you’d prefer cash, let a few close friends know your preference and hope that they’ll spread the word. But, you’re right, asking for money in lieu of gifts is definitely not done.
Jim and I merged two households before we were married, but we still had any number of things that we found in the registry store that we appreciated receiving as gifts (a toaster oven, a really nice, huge comforter, a special salad bowl set, stuff like that). We didn’t really need anything, per se, but there were things that we upgraded because our existing stuff was old and wearing out; things like that. If you and future hubbie take a trip to a registry store and get your hands on that gun, you might be surprised at what you take a liking to.
(And don’t be surprised if you get some cash as wedding gifts, too, without asking for it.)
Um, first off, ignore everything ShivaRox said. Saying that you get to make all decisions about the wedding but get to force someone else to foot the bill is just madness. That’s pretty much bridezilla territory.
If you want to wear a pantsuit, wear a pantsuit. As long as you’re dressing nicely, that’s really all that matters. (And before anyone disagrees, I think quickie Vegas weddings are excepted from this rule)
The previous posters ideas about having the Future Husband come up with the money if he wants an open bar are good.
Having a cash bar would be fine. Given that the reception is happening at an existing bar/restaurant, not serving hard liquor at all doesn’t sound like an option. If you do have a partially cash bar, I’d advise having the wine arranged on the bar in such a fashion as to indicate that it’s what’s being served. If anyone wants to ask for hard liquor, the bartenders can charge them.
For my wedding, we didn’t need stuff, so we told my fiancee’s friend (who was handling the RSVPs) to suggest cash in lieu of gifts if anyone asked about the registry. I didn’t know her well at the time; turns out she’s one of the most tactless people on earth and pretty much demanded money from the guests. I was almost too ashamed to show up to my own wedding.
As a final note: Yay Antigua! I think it’s my favorite of the WI. Go eat something at Le Bistro for me.
Apparently my cat wanted to congratulate you, too.
First off, congratulations!
Now I’m going to parrot what most of the others have said - don’t ask your M-I-L to chip in. If she wants to do it, she’ll offer. If she doesn’t, it’s not right to expect it of her.
As for the reception, I think that your future hubby can come up with the money himself. You must know him pretty well if you have a child with him - if he has no money now, will he ever be responsible enough to contribute to the partnership that is marriage? I’m not saying your wedding should be based on his net worth, but his maturity should be a factor. If he’s not grown up by now, he probably never will.
I think that white outfit is stunning. I bet you’ll look beautiful in it. I hope you take lots of pictures so we can see.
Asking for cash instead of gifts just isn’t done. Register for what you want, if you like, or just make a note that the pleasure of their company is the best gift your guests could give you, and leave it at that. You’ll still probably get some cash as well as gifts you haven’t registered for, but you won’t feel like you’re trolling for gifts.
Good luck, and remember that the wedding is just the beginning of the rest of your lives together. If you put too much emphasis on it being “THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE” you’ll just stress too much to enjoy it when it comes. Just an aside - when my oldest miece got married a couple years ago, she and her hubby held the wedding in a local park. everyone wore their most comfortable clothes. After the wedding they sat around and played board games in the park and ate barbecue. It cost next to nothing and everyone had a great time. And it was stress-free.
I realise that some etiquette books say that asking for cash instead of gifts is tacky, but the world is changing, people! And it probably depends on where you live as well.
I’m getting married in a few weeks and although we ended up putting our registry on the net, I did look into having a money tree or treasure chest for people to put vouchers or money in. There are many cute little poems out in cyberspace for you to word it in such a way that it won’t offend people. And most people will understand that you have no need for “another” pasta bowl set and such. Of course, someone will always be offended, whether you have a gift registry or a money tree or a honeymoon registry or request no presents at all. There will always be someone who thinks it should be done differently. So, make a decision and stick with it.
Check out some wedding websites - they are so full of valuable information and ideas. Especially if they have a messageboard - fantastic for talking to girls at a similar stage in life (no matter how old or young they are).
My h2b is 36 and I’m 28 and we are paying for much of the wedding ourselves but both of our families have given us money to put towards the reception. At one point our finances were very uncertain so this was a nice gesture from them and now our situation is different but they still want us to use the money for the wedding.
I’m sorry, but no matter how you word the poem, if I received a notice that the happy couple only wanted cash, I would be offended and they would get the bare minimum required by etiquette as a gift (if I didn’t suddenly find myself busy that day).
A wedding is not supposed to be about the money - people give gifts because they want to do something nice for the couple, not because they want to finance your wedding or something else. If you can’t afford a wedding without asking for money from your guests, you need to re-think what kind of wedding you’re going to have.
Actually, I haven’t eaten at Le Bistro in the longest while. I prefer Alberto’s and that is actually where we’re having the reception (the owner’s son is my child’s godfather).
Thanks to everyone again for your opinions, they really are appreciated. It looks like we’re going to be doing the catering ourselves as we have access to the restaurant kitchen so that will cut costs a lot. We have definitely started leaning more towards the beer/wine with hard liquor as a cash bar. When the beer and wine are done, too bad! What would you recommend as a good amount of beer/wine per person. If I calculate 2 beers per person and a bottle of wine between 2 ppl plus a couple of cases of champagne, do you think that will be enough booze?
Both my parents were alive, but her father was dead, and her mother was not really well off. So our wedding reception was on the cheap, in her mother’s (large) back yard: if it had rained on the day, we would just have had to go inside, but it didn’t rain. Friends of her mother catered the food; my father paid for the beer and wine. And everyone had a great time, with thew only serious etiqutyte blunder being that we didn’t want to leave, and started hearing complaints that others couldn’t leave until the bride and groom had left.