Help me with a rhyme for my custom book plate

Cafe Society
1

I have decided to spring for custom book plates. I have a friend who is a graphic designer and she has agreed to lay it out for me. I have some ideas and we have talked about it.

In doing some research, I found that book plates replaced book rhymes. I am intrigued by book rhymes, but can’t really find any good examples. There is one on wikipedia. I am leaning toward the fun, vaguely threatening, anti-theft warning. :slight_smile:

I am not a poet. So I turn to you, fair Dopers, for assistance in writing a small book rhyme to be incorporated in my book plate.

A few things that may help. There will be a giraffe, perhaps a cat, and a beret. My real name is Kate.

So, can you help me with some small rhymes? Pretty please?

2

If found, return this book to Kate
She paid good money for this plate.

3

Who’s wearing the beret? Is there a picture of this mini-menagerie? The more information there is to work with, the better the poet can make his decisions.

4

A tree was killed
To print this tract
And likewise a thief (if need be)
To get it back

5

The pages ahead
Are a treasure indeed.
But if you touch one page
I will rip off your… heed.

6

If this book should chance to roam
I will burn down your fucking home.
But if this book should e’er be stole
They will not find your body whole.

7

If, from Kate’s shelf,
This book should roam,
It is protected
By this anti-theft poem.

8

Who so took this book
sealed their fate by Kate;
she will cook that crook
and descrate their pate.

9

Who steals this book
Should quickly read it;
'Cause when you’re found
I’ll make you eat it.

10

This book of words belongs to Kate,
Karma’s watching, please don’t tempt fate.
Ask to borrow, but do not steal, for thieves will fall 'neath Karma’s wheel.

11

The one who steals my book away
May feel his conscience pricking
But, should this not suffice, he may
Too feel a vicious kicking.

The vigilante library squad strikes again! I’ll try to think of something a little more charming next.

12

Neither the wilds of Africa
nor recess in mind of Seuss
would ever provide you refuge
from me, the stole book sleuth.

13

This book’s a comedy, it makes me laugh;
That’s why there is this fun giraffe,
Or else a mystery, to make me sweat;
And here’s a cat for a comforting pet,
Or maybe a romance, let love hold sway,
That’s why I’ll need this pert beret;
But whatever it is, it belongs to Kate,
And if it goes missing, she’ll be quite irate.

14

Something more gentle, perhaps:

Dear Reader: Do read on, but when you’ve quit
Please send this back home safe to where it started.
This book belongs to Kate, and her to it,
And never should the two of them be parted.

15

It is but for these pages
and would not be so kind
for Kate’s hard won wages
to find selves in a bind.

16

or maybe less gentle:

If in a month this tome is not returned,
Then agents will come: your house will be burned,
Your credit score trashed, your hard drives all crashed,
Your family thrashed and your life’s work quite smashed.
So don’t be a fool, e’er you live to regret it,
Return this book home! You don’t dare to forget it.

17

The giraffe will be wearing the beret. No art yet, still in the planning stages.

These are amazing! I should not have checked it out from work, people are wondering why I am laughing when I should be running my morning reports. :slight_smile:

18

Enjoy this loaned collection
of pulp and lettered tincture
but a thief will suffer from Kate’s heel
placed squarely in their sphincter.

19

*Though it seems the sweetest fruit
Is plucked from someone else’s vine,
Bookshelves are not yours to loot;
Buy your own books - this one’s mine.

Though the prose be fine and fair,
I’ve put something much less nice in.
Thieving fingers best beware:
Every page is laced with ricin.*

20

This giraffe and friend feline
Are here to say, this book is mine
Says Kate, who now will also add,
If you return it, she’ll be so glad.